• advice please

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    lola69 [sign in to see picture]
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    been on here for a while but never have got the courage to wirte anything,its only recent that i have started having sex (to be exact 2 times) they have both been pretty bad experiences to be honest.

    neither times have i felt anything and to be honest i dont really know what im doing as such in the way of pleasuring a man,i have tried explaining this to guys before i need someone with a bit of control and someone that is going to tell me what they want.

    i am finding this really hard to talk about and i apologise if this is the wrong section to post in just need to talk and get some advice on foreplay ideas and where to go from here

    thanks for listening

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    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    hello and welcome to the forums.

    theres a thread with a lot of advice on this kind of thing here http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/orgasm-army/sex-tips-and-advice/158625-new-to-sex-and-not-feeling-it/ it will be well worth a read through

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    Ilovemyman [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Lola are you in a relationship at the moment? Sometimes sex isn't great with a new parner. Do you know what you like? If you do that's a good start, Learning what your partner likes will just take time, he should be able to tell you what he likes but if not just try different things until you find what works, i'm sure you will get loads of tips from people on here! Welcome and i hope to see you around! Good luck xxxx

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    SmoothOne [sign in to see picture]
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    Hiya, first of all, fair play to you for asking the question. I think there are alot of things sexually people are afraid to ask, and its probably all the more daunting when there are so many regulars on here who appear so knowledgable.

    I don't think I have ever seen anyone on here being mocked for asking a question. We all have to start somewhere otherwise we just live in ignorance and don't appreciate things fully. Sweetlove has pointed you in the right direction and shows that you aren't the only one. Unfortunately we can't wave a wand and just throw everything at you.

    Personally I would recommend using the search function to find what you need. Perhaps pick one or two things that you want to be good at, and focus on reading about those. Then once you've mastered those, go onto something else. Noone is able to become fantastic in bed overnight, but it sounds like you've got the right attitude in terms of wanting to enjoy what you are doing, and how to get better at it.

    Look forward to seeing you about Lola. Good luck x

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    lola69 [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks for the responce guys wish i had asked these questions earlier x will check out the search thing too

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    I'd just follow some of the advice above.

    I think what makes better sex is often an enthusiastic partner willing to learn, when a partner wants to please you really notice the difference. I can only assume by asking such a question you have that desire to please! Just relax and enjoy yourself!

    Have a browse around and pick up a few tips, I personally believe sex with a partner is better if you know each others likes and dislikes and it is easier to communicate. But any partner willing to communicate is good.

    Good luck!

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    sexy little minx [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Lola and welcome to the forums.

    You came to the right place to ask questions! As Smooth says we all had to start somewhere so don't be afraid to ask anything.

    You said you have only had sex twice. I remember thinking it wasn't too great when I first started having sex, wondered what all the fuss was about. Like anything else it just takes time. Get to know your own body, learn what feels nice. An understanding partner also helps. Go slow and at your own pace and don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with.

    Do some searches on here, see if there is anything that interests you and take it from there. Don't be afraid to ask on here, we are all very open and no one judges so ask away!

    Look forward to seeing you around more. x

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Well done for asking Lola

    You're enthusiasm to learn will be encouraging to your partner!

    As others have said, communication is the key, just talk to him! Have a play by yourself too, figure out your own likes and dislikes!!

    Ax

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    lola69 [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks again guys x

    nexas i know its really frustraiting trust me i have said point blank show me tell me i will try new things but nothing and that makes me feel in the wrong we will see what happens

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    lola69 wrote:

    thanks again guys x

    nexas i know its really frustraiting trust me i have said point blank show me tell me i will try new things but nothing and that makes me feel in the wrong we will see what happens

    Remember that it can be a little daunting to be told to take charge sometimes.

    It can put a lot of pressure on someone and make it worse for both.

    Just relax and enjoy!

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    lola69 [sign in to see picture]
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    fair enough im a teacher too :) so i see where your going with that its like second nature

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    lola69 wrote:

    fair enough im a teacher too :) so i see where your going with that its like second nature

    I volunteer at a local primary and hope to go into teaching!

    It appears teachers like sex toy websites...

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    Tigerlilies [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Lola, (nice name)

    Try not to worry if the first few times are not earth shattering. It's all about taking small steps, trying things out and changing pace. Take time and if it doesn't feel good don't do it. I've listed a few thoughts on things I hope you find useful when it comes to those early days.

    Motivation

    Whenever you're doing something in the bedroom, ask yourself: are you doing this because you feel it's what you're 'meant' to do? Or because it's is the so called 'proper' way? In fact, any other reason that relates to pleasing someone else but not yourself. As with all the good things in life, sex is one of those things you do when it enhances the experience and feels right, deep in your gut.

    I was talking about wine with someone recently. It's fabulous but I never ever touch it unless *I* am feeling fabulous and it's something to celebrate the moment with. To add something. Just like with sex, it's easy to drink for the wrong reasons . When you do it for the right ones you won't feel like hell the morning after .

    Communication

    You sound pretty sure in your mind of what you like and dislike so I hope you communicate this with your partner. Don't wait for a man to take control. Put your foot down and say how you need it to be. If something's your first time, say so. If you're giving a bowjob, look up and ask how it's going up there? Does he like it faster? Wetter? Upside down? If he's a good lover, he'll let you know and make it sexy at the same time.

    Don't be afraid to be explicit. If he's got his head between your legs then now is not the time to be coy.

    Your partner may be feeling a btit lost too! He may never have given a woman an orgasm and to hear a woman telling him what's working would be very appreciated!

    Having great sex is like any interpersonal activity. Conversations, business deals, whatever, it's all about communication. Paying attention to the little signals our bodies give and making sure your lover is talking to you. It takes time. Half an hour of foreplay with ten minutes of thrusting won't cut it. This is why it helps (no matter how experienced) that the person you're enjoying is someone you can have a laugh with and is eager to learn as much as you are. If he's not even willing to try he's damaged goods. Drop him and move on.

    Take It Slow

    I've found that when you're the least experienced in a pairing it's best to be self focused. Don't worry if you're not going at it like a pro at first. Any man will be thankful that you're there and naked and there's a lot to be said for two sexiest things anyone can have: confidence and enthusiasm. If you're giving head and he can tell you want to do this amazing thing for him, he'll pick up on that. Have confidence and you're halfway there.

    If it feels like a chore it's best to drop a gear and stick to what feels good for the mean time. Don't set goals like 'tonight I will deepthroat....anal next tuesday!' Just the skill of 'touch-penis-hand' takes time and attention.

    I don't think we all need love to have great sex but I do think soul is essential. If you haven't got a connection with someone you may as well be doing your taxes.

    From what you're saying you're willing to learn so I hope those things are coming to you.

    Your Pleasure and Masturbating.

    A great tip I would give from past experience is don't feel that now you've been initiated you have to have full intercourse every time. A whole day dedicated to the art (and that word's not used lightly) of cunnilingus and fellatio is no short fall. Practice makes perfect.

    I would also recommend you treat yourself! Lavish yourself with sexual attention. Find what works for you by your own hand and pamper yourself with some LoveHoney goodies! Make your sexuality all about you and take ownership of it. Then you can share this special part of you with someone else.

    Do Your Homework

    There's no substitute for experience in the field but it's a great thing to read up on what you're doing with a clear head and no sex haze to blur your thinking. This forum alone is a fantastic resource with very helpful members. So too with the LH blog. The search button will bring up some great topics but please start your own threads because everyone's case is personal to them! So don't worry if you're questions are similar to something previously asked. Just make sure you personalise it.

    Although her site is glichy as I write this, the sex blogger Violet Blue gives great advice. Her safer sex section is brill and her tips are full of common sense and intelligence.

    http://www.tinynibbles.com/suck

    http://www.tinynibbles.com/howtoSex

    Tips can only take us so far because everyone's different but they can boost your confidence. I've always loved the mantra 'Flicking sucks, sucking rocks,' (courtesy of Nina Hartley on going down on women)

    But the best advice will always be: open your mouth and start talking.

    On the flip side, ignore any magazines and such telling you that you should be having an orgasm a certain way or from certain things. You might find that what pushes your buttons with a partner is totally different to when you're going solo. It could even vary lover to lover. If Glamour tells you that you're 'complicated' f*uck 'em. Everyone is, male and female and we all have to work it to make it.

    I hope that gives you a few ideas and places to explore ,

    Tigerlilies

    PS: good sex is safe sex!

    PPS: nice rack.

    1271015395
    lola69 [sign in to see picture]
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    thankyou loads of good points there tigerlilies and thanks for the comment i love them :)

    1271015412
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    I think you deserve a thread like Diamonds about how great you are TL.

    Your adice is always spot on, easy to digest and friendly!

    *clap clap clap*

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    Tigerlilies [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you, WandA, you're a sweetie. No thread required, just send all the bottles of Chanel No.5 and vibrating devices to my address via LoveHoney

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    Jennii x [sign in to see picture]
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    i dont know if this i need advice in but i would like to know that after or during sex when the lad has comed inside of you and you stand up or whatever and the fluid comes rushing out and it makes funny noices i got told that the louder the noice is means you loose i just wanted to know if that is true or not i know that its becasue air is compressed but just wondering if its really loud does that mean your really loose sorry if this is the wrong section

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    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    @Jennii - I think of being "loose" as something of a myth. Some people are just less tight than others (for example, virgins as opposed to people who have had kids. In any case, the commonly named fanny fart is nothing to do with being loose. It's the result of air being pushed in during sex and then it coming back out again. If it's louder, it just means more air got pushed in. It's perfectly normal and happens to even the tightest of us. It's nothing to do with looseness so don't worry about it! :)

    @Lola - Lots has already been said in terms of pleasuring so I'm not going to write an essay, but I've found that my OH just can't tell me what works. Maybe it's a male thing, or maybe he doesn't really know. I know if I got a new partner who didn't know how to pleasure me and asked me how, I'd probably be all "I dunno, rub my clit I suppose!). What my OH does is amazing but if I had to describe it so someone else could do it, I'd be lost.

    I've found that sometimes a good strategy to go with is just to try things. Then during or afterwards (whichever you feel is best) ask him if you did well, what's particularly working, what you shouldn't do, what you should do more of and learn from it. It's easy to get nervous and not know what to do (I'm 18 months into a relationship and still feel a bit lost pleasuring him sometimes) but just chill out and enjoy it.

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    I think tightness has been discussed many times Jenni.

    Most people decided it is more an issue of compatability... if you had a fella like a horse then being 'tight' isn't what you probably want. If a fella was smaller then some people might do kegals. Its not really tightness that makes a guy come its the whole package, wetness, warmth, friction etc.

    Also remember that some women who you might consider 'tight' enjoy fisting! The vagina is very very stretchy, if it can fit a cock and babies it demonstrates that.

    As for your specific question, well, its not true. My girlfriend is what you might 'tight'. She has a condition that makes her muscles very strong and even she makes some noise or 'leaks'. It could just as easily mean you're so tight air could not escape or it was a bloody huge load from the fella!

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    Tigerlilies [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi, Jennii, as Ecksvie explains above it's got nothing to do with your tightness. Neither does the amount of times you have sex. You can relax by being more turned on and less anxious but intercourse will not lossen you up. The vagina is a muscle and it's no secret what happens when we use them over and over....

    Child birth can change us but the vagina is incredibly elastic and with the right exericses (and there's no excuse not to start at any time) you can get back in shape. If you are worried about vaginal tightness I would recommend a proper kegel work out daily and there's some great products on LoveHoney to help with this. More than anything it will keep your pelvic floor very healthy.

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