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  1. Just had a confession .....

    1270656376
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi,

    I don't know if this is the right place to put this, but I just had to talk to someone about this .

    I have a close friend , a "Best Friend" if you like. We have been friends for a few years and have a great relationship. We confide in each other when times are tough and talk about anything and everything ( And I do mean EVERYTHING !)

    Recently I have been saying how although I do sincerley love my OH, I am rather bored and unhappy with our love life. And, although I have tried to change things, they are not really changing at all. Also, she has mentioned a few times that her hubby has suggested them having a 3some and she was unsre of what to do about it. However, today my friend decided to tell me that actually , she and her Hubby have been fantasising about me joing them in bed.She was quite explicit in what they had been talking / thinking about and asked me if I would be interested in doing it as a one off? She also said if I wanted to do it without my OH knowing, they were totally prepared to keep it quiet . ( There was no pressure - it wasnt like "Say yes or we cant be friends" Etc ... ) And she did apologise , but said she just had to tell me.

    My OH would NEVER consider a 3some for us as a couple - he views it as cheating. And I know he would certainly not be happy with me doing this. I also do NOT want to cheat on him.... But it has left me rather mixed up. I guess I am a bit shocked, I didn't expect this at all from her. I certainly don't want to lose our friendship, but I do wonder now if she will be looking at me in a sexual way ? Also, as I said, things have been very dull with my love life and it is frustarting in a way that temptation of excitment is so close, but I love my OH too much to accept it. I don't know if I should mention this to my OH or not ?

    Any opinions welcome.....

    Thanks

    xxxxxxxx

    1270657454
    SweetSubmission [sign in to see picture]
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    Tread very carefully LY - I really feel for you, but I would say don't let your frustration about how things are with your OH influence your decision about your friend's proposal. Those two issues are separate. Ask yourself if this is a scenario you'd be tempted by if things with your OH were at their best. If not, then I'd say it's not a road you want to go down. This sounds like a very important friendship to you, so be aware of exactly what you stand to lose on that side if you go for it and it ends unhappily, as well as what it could do to your own relationship.

    I say talk to your mister about how much the lack of sexual excitement is upsetting you, and leave the fantasy threesome as a fantasy. It's flattering and exciting and hopefully just knowing they'd like to do it will give you the confidence to address things with your partner, without you having to gamble both your friendship and your relationship for a short term kick. I learned the hard way that however good the sex, if to you this would be cheating, the guilt means it is never worth it.

    I hope things improve soon, keep us posted if you want to.

    Much love,

    SS xx

    1270659351
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Nexas wrote:

    Ok, I have been in this EXACT situation before!

    Basically, I would suggest that if you're having so many issues with your OH, put this situation out of your mind and deal with the problems with him first. Any way of broaching this current issue will only cause more problems if the others haven't been sorted first.

    And once things are better with your OH, one way or another really, you'll be able to make a better choice.

    Me personally, I had to turn them down in this situation ^_^'

    Just what I would say.

    Turn down the friend, you don't need this complicating your problem further...then work on sorting things with the OH. In the future, when things are brighter (and I'm sure they will be) the you might tell your OH about the offer, tell him it's not happening, but you can talk about it as an idea, maybe even a fantasy to share in the future. Maybe that's a bad idea though, if he thought you were keeping it secret for a while.

    You could tell your OH about the offer as a "can you believe" it sort of joke (unless he'd then feel warey of your friend) and say "of course I said no, but isn't that funny" sort of thing. You never know, mentioning it might get him pondering it as a fantasy.

    Feel free to ignore me, I'm just bouncing suggestions around. I don't know what I would do in your situation, apart from turn the friend down.

    Ax

    1270663412
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello everyone ,

    Thank you all so much for your opinions / comments. I have read each one carefully and I am so greatful that you took the time to reply.

    I will reply to you individually -

    SWEET SUBMISSION -

    You are right, the two things are seperate issues.

    To answer your question, even if things were at there best with mine and OH's love life , I would still have a tiny bit of temptation , as I am a very adventoures person, always keen to try things etc, but OH isn't really. However, I must say, I doubt I would accept the offer, as I have said, in both our views , it is cheating . And most importantly, I do love my OH lots.

    You are also correct in sayin that this is a very important friendship to me. Not one that I want to lose.

    I have tried to talk to my OH , but TBH it's so difficult to get things changing - he is in his 30's ( where as I am in my 20's and still excitable) and prior to me, only had 1 long term relationship ( From 15 until 6 months before we got together 4 years ago - a long time ! ) His then partner, who was slightly older than him, was contented with "Simple" sex , little foreplay and from what I ahve been told, there was little imagination. After so long, it's like he is programmed only to be like this . I have been trying for 18 months to alter things and although he does try, I can see he is out of his comfort zone, so I end up feeling unhappy for him because I care so much for him.and therefore the new things we do / try don't last. Also it is hard to express how much I am bored / frustrated etc , as he is quite as sensitive person and is easily hurt if he thinks I am not happy.

    By the way - I like the name .

    xxxx

    NEXAS -

    As I have just mentioned , I have tried to address the issues.

    I feel for you having been in this situation , it's not great !

    xxxx

    AdnaW -

    Again, I have attempted to sort things with OH. I'm greatful for your optomistic view as well.

    You are right , he may think I have kept it a secret and I think he would be upset by that, as it is not something we do. We have a very honest relationship and so I do feel that telling him is the best thing to do. I want to thank you for your suggestion of telling him in such a light hearted way - I feel this will help.

    I would not ignore anyone kind enough to take time to reply to me , so don't worry.

    To EVERYONE -

    I am going to tell him when he returns from work soon. I will come back on later and let you know what happens ....

    1270665060
    sexy little minx [sign in to see picture]
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    LY I agree with the advice so far. Treat both situationions seperatly. Not sure what else I could advise but if I think of anything I will be sure to post again.

    Good luck. x

    1270675797
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Probably not the most helpful but I think I'd just ignore it.

    I wouldn't want to create tension between the friend and my partner if it was unlikely to be trouble again.

    But maybe next time you get the chance give a gentle hint about how you're committed to your OH and respect his choices.

    1270676307
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi ,

    Firstly ,AVRIELLE_ANIKO thank you very much for such a detailed response. I do fully understand what you mean. I feel I have to just comment on the boundary thing - My OH and I have had boundaries in place from day one ; we both accept looking at someone in the street and thinking "Phwoar, they're a bit of alright" type of thing. After all, for as long as we have eyes in our head, it is only natural , as when we see an attractive person, we are going to like it. He isn't really one for going to town on a Saturday night, but I do like to. We have agreed that flirty dancing is ok, alongside a peck on the cheek. But that is it. Don't know if everyone will agree with thses boundaries , but they work for us.

    NEXAS - I appriciate your comment , but in every other way, my OH and I are very happy and I don't wan't to re assess our relationship in that way.

    SWEET SUBMISSION - I menat to add earlier, yes it is flattering and exciting to know others think of me in that way.

    EVERYONE - I did speak to him. I was honest and I told him everything that had been said.He was a bit shocked and asked me what I thought. I told him that although a 3some is something that I am of mixed opinion on , I fully understand and respect his view and would not want to include it in our relationship in any way at all. I reminded him of how much he means to me and that I am so glad I was able to talk to him about this. He then opened up a little emotionally and told me that I am his world and although he is flattered by the thought of them liking me, he is pleased that I valued our relationship above the excitment of it all. He gave advice of just carry on as normal, but if they do mention it again, then just make them aware that I am happy and I have told him . In a nutshell, we ended up in a very sensual kiss which then led intosomething a little more steamy and passion filled ..... It didn't last too long , but we felt incredibly close . Thank you all for helping xxxx

    1270676740
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Lookin - Yummy wrote:

    Hi ,

    EVERYONE - I did speak to him. I was honest and I told him everything that had been said.He was a bit shocked and asked me what I thought. I told him that although a 3some is something that I am of mixed opinion on , I fully understand and respect his view and would not want to include it in our relationship in any way at all. I reminded him of how much he means to me and that I am so glad I was able to talk to him about this. He then opened up a little emotionally and told me that I am his world and although he is flattered by the thought of them liking me, he is pleased that I valued our relationship above the excitment of it all. He gave advice of just carry on as normal, but if they do mention it again, then just make them aware that I am happy and I have told him . In a nutshell, we ended up in a very sensual kiss which then led intosomething a little more steamy and passion filled ..... It didn't last too long , but we felt incredibly close . Thank you all for helping xxxx

    I'm glad he was so understanding! Some people might of reacted badly or held it against you. He sounds a decent bloke! Well done!

    It might provide you with an opening explore things again more successfully. Good luck!

    1270676967
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    Lookin - Yummy wrote:

    Hi ,

    EVERYONE - I did speak to him. I was honest and I told him everything that had been said.He was a bit shocked and asked me what I thought. I told him that although a 3some is something that I am of mixed opinion on , I fully understand and respect his view and would not want to include it in our relationship in any way at all. I reminded him of how much he means to me and that I am so glad I was able to talk to him about this. He then opened up a little emotionally and told me that I am his world and although he is flattered by the thought of them liking me, he is pleased that I valued our relationship above the excitment of it all. He gave advice of just carry on as normal, but if they do mention it again, then just make them aware that I am happy and I have told him . In a nutshell, we ended up in a very sensual kiss which then led intosomething a little more steamy and passion filled ..... It didn't last too long , but we felt incredibly close . Thank you all for helping xxxx

    I'm glad he was so understanding! Some people might of reacted badly or held it against you. He sounds a decent bloke! Well done!

    It might provide you with an opening explore things again more successfully. Good luck!

    You are right, he is a decent bloke.

    I hope it does help us in the right direction ....

    Thank you

    1270679246
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
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    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    Well done Looking Yummy. Sounds like your on a road to better things. Values, trust, sharing and understanding are very important on both sides of the relationship. So I hope things go well with your sex life with him soon. Perhaps a little kick like that to remind him how much he means to you will steer things in the right direction!

    I really hope it does ..... just as I said , he is so used to his ways , its tricky . But hey, who knows ...?

    1270679298
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks NEXAS

    1270680606
    bishopstipple [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello Looking -Yummy

    Glad you getting things resovled - maybe Tracy's new book from LH as a pressie for him might work ? or a sex therapist to help you expand the bedroom horizons aka his techniques. Once he learns what GOOD sex is he will love you forever for it.

    Dont forget your friend and her partner they both chose you for their fantasy because they both know and "like" you, and your "a safe person" to fixate a fantasy apon :). Tell your mate your flattered they though of you for their fun dreams and pour both of you another glass of wine and have a laugh about it, then forget about it. Carry on and enjoy your real freindship.

    1270680968
    mimiaow [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm sorry to get here late and not be of any help, but I just wanted to say that I think you were very brave (and, in my opinion, sensible) in risking the reaction by telling your partner - I'm very glad that you're happy with his reaction, and I wish the two of you the best of luck in getting over any 'frustration'. I'm sure that with an understanding OH like yours, it won't be much of a problem with a little bit of time and communication.

    1270740820
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
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    bishopstipple wrote:

    Hello Looking -Yummy

    Glad you getting things resovled - maybe Tracy's new book from LH as a pressie for him might work ? or a sex therapist to help you expand the bedroom horizons aka his techniques. Once he learns what GOOD sex is he will love you forever for it.

    Dont forget your friend and her partner they both chose you for their fantasy because they both know and "like" you, and your "a safe person" to fixate a fantasy apon :). Tell your mate your flattered they though of you for their fun dreams and pour both of you another glass of wine and have a laugh about it, then forget about it. Carry on and enjoy your real freindship.

    I am going to have a look for the book, thanks . I have thought about a therapist but how do I suggest it without sounding too unhappy ? He is quite an emotionally senitive guy... I am seeing said friend ( And hubby ) on Saturday night for her pre arranged birthday party. I am going to try and aviod it being mentioned again if possible. x

    1270740967
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
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    mimiaow wrote:

    I'm sorry to get here late and not be of any help, but I just wanted to say that I think you were very brave (and, in my opinion, sensible) in risking the reaction by telling your partner - I'm very glad that you're happy with his reaction, and I wish the two of you the best of luck in getting over any 'frustration'. I'm sure that with an understanding OH like yours, it won't be much of a problem with a little bit of time and communication.

    Thank you very much. I felt very worried about telling him and I know I was lucky to get the reaction I did.

    He is understanding , but finds it difficult to get out of his comfort zones and is quite emotionally sensitive ( As I have said in PP's) Any ideas on how to start the ball rolling ? x

    1270741025
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
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    Nexas wrote:

    Lookin - Yummy wrote:

    Thanks NEXAS

    Welcome ^_^' You went with an idea I wouldn't have said, but apparently it was right for you and why not? Who knows your relationship better than you after all?

    I hope it also improves things long-term too ^_^

    I hope so too ....

    If you have any ideas to improve things .... ??

    1270741386
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Games...

    I've not played Monogamy but its highly rated.

    You could also just pounce him if you've planned ahead and you think he could be submissive. If you know they would be comfortable with it then 'forcing' (in an enjoyable consentual way) him means you can try things he doesn't normally do.

    1270741957
    Lookin - Yummy [sign in to see picture]
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    I have heard a lot of this one too .....

    May be worth a try

    1270742917
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Here's the game and reviews.

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=662&reviewpage=1

    It might be a good way to get him involved without you feeling uncomfortable as he'll follow rules not you.

    Good luck!

    1270742988
    kitykat [sign in to see picture]
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    hi i think you should think very hard about if its worth cheating on your partner and if you did could you live with what you did but on the other hand if it makes you feel better and makes you more exsited about sex and you wont feel bad after for doing it then i think you should but your partner should do every thing he can to make you not get bord and if he dosent make an effort than its his lose but if you dont want to hurt your partner then dont do it are dont tell him but have you honistly tryed every thing are is it that you needs an excuse to do it xx

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