1. sex and disability

    1555707860
    MsR [sign in to see picture]
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    Just throwing this out - a bit tentatively to see if others pick up on the topic.

    Anyone else with a disability, still enjoying sex?

    I have inflammatory arthritis, spinal, and can suffer the next day if I overdo things, in the bedroom or otherwise. We've had to adapt positions etc - we've had fun doing that but would like to talk to others / share.

    Anyone else want to talk about this? I mean in a collaborative way, not a special interest.

    1555710161
    Smurfette21 [sign in to see picture]
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    I also have some spinal problems which has worsened in the past year. I am on a cocktail of medication which has side effects such as weight gain & loss of sex drive. I have put on a bit of weight & this is knocking my confidence & making me feel very self conscious. I haven't completely lost my sex drive but it has reduced compared to what it was prior to my back problem. Any advice you can give me will be gratefully received. I just want my mojo back!

    1555725626
    Oldman [sign in to see picture]
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    Testing , replied twice . Did not work . If this goes I will try a third time .

    1555748041
    Ian Chimp [sign in to see picture]
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    Oldman wrote:

    Testing , replied twice . Did not work . If this goes I will try a third time .

    The forum is broken again. The best workaround so far is to write your message and then copy it before posting. That way if it does bounce you out at least you won't lose what you've written (sometimes you can press the back button and your draft post is still sitting there in the 'post a reply' text box, but that's not always the case). Then if you log back in, paste your post in the right thread and submit straight away that seems to be quick enough not to get bounced out in the process.

    Hope this helps 🙂

    1555761878
    MsR [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello Surfette,

    Sorry to hear you are having problems. Some medications can affect libido - amitriptyline and gabapentin are often prescribed for pain and can have this side effect. Maybe ask your GP / consultant for a review? 

    Otherwise, give yourself little treats to keep your mood up when you are feeling grotty. Some nice lingerie and some solo time with a good toy can help to kick start things at your own pace. Don't worry about your weight - it doesn't define you or make you any less attractive. My OH struggles with his weight and I find him sexy anyway! 

    I found it helpful to work out which positions and which times of day were best for intimacy during a flare. I'm always stiff and achy in the mornings, so no sex then but it is a good time for solo stuff. Missionary position kills my hips but others are less jarring. A back massage can be really nice if your partner can stay away from joints and focus on muscles - massage candles are a nice treat and this can be sesual enough without leading to sex if your libido is low - finding other ways of being intimate can help.

    Good luck!

    1556037073
    WillC [sign in to see picture]
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    My wife has Rheumatoid Arthritis, it`s very challenging and can be frustrating, but we cope quite well, it just needs invention and gentleness.The medication is awful, in that some of it is to supress the immune system, and can cause mouth ulcers, and UTI infections.

    1556972562
    Maggie & Dave 1954 [sign in to see picture]
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    My husband suffers from Chronic Fatigue Syn & Fibromyalgia, he also has rheumatoid arthritis . His biggest problem is that he runs out of energy, I have tried to get him to cum first , but he’s very old fashioned & he always makes sure I get to have a couple of orgasms before he goes for it , but he often fails to cum as his energy just fades away 😔 he doesn’t have erectile problems the opposite in fact .

    He has to take pregabalin & Tramodol for pain . 

    He has given me Carte Blanch in respect of F...k Buddies & I have several jelly dildos but I really would love to find a way for him to reach orgasm whilst he is inside me !!

    we have been married for 25yrs & whilst I can & do seek pleasure elsewhere, I would prefer to have the man I truly love 💖  between my legs , if you see what I mean !! 

    1556993466
    VR [sign in to see picture]
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    Maggie & Dave 1954 wrote:

    My husband suffers from Chronic Fatigue Syn & Fibromyalgia, he also has rheumatoid arthritis . His biggest problem is that he runs out of energy, I have tried to get him to cum first , but he’s very old fashioned & he always makes sure I get to have a couple of orgasms before he goes for it , but he often fails to cum as his energy just fades away 😔 he doesn’t have erectile problems the opposite in fact .

    He has to take pregabalin & Tramodol for pain . 

    He has given me Carte Blanch in respect of F...k Buddies & I have several jelly dildos but I really would love to find a way for him to reach orgasm whilst he is inside me !!

    we have been married for 25yrs & whilst I can & do seek pleasure elsewhere, I would prefer to have the man I truly love 💖  between my legs , if you see what I mean !! 

    Have you tried giving him a hand/blow job until he gets close and then climbing on top?

    1557072393
    Maggie & Dave 1954 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi VR

    yes we have tried that & yes it does work sometimes.......

    trouble is , when his energy starts to fade, he begins to lose sensation 

    1557072428
    Maggie & Dave 1954 [sign in to see picture]
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    Maggie & Dave 1954 wrote:

    Hi VR

    yes we have tried that & yes it does work sometimes.......

    trouble is , when his energy starts to fade, he begins to lose sensation 

    1557082381
    MsR [sign in to see picture]
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    Energy levels can be really tricky. I know I can do one thing a day, and if I go too far it will wipe me out the next day. So, quite often a long session in the bedroom is that one thing, and I don't plan much for the next day so that if chronic fatigue kicks in I can still manage. So I suppose I prioritse sex! I googled it and aparently it counts as exercise :-) Energy levels do ebb and flow with chronic illness so I guess it is a matter of making the best of the good times.

    I'm also on medication which dampens down my immune system, and yes, it means getting ill more frequently and taking antibiotics a lot, and they have side effects as well as pain killers. My husband is supportive and helps me to rest and look after myself (we have young kids, so this isn't always easy), but I think that me investing some time and effort into our intimate life (doesn't have to be full sex) is appreciated too - thank you Lovehoney for your help in this department!

    1558362691
    WillC [sign in to see picture]
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    Maggie and Dave, i totally sympathise with you.

    1558443995
    Smultron [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm 30 years old. During the last 3 years I've been living with lower back pain that often causes sciatica down my legs. I'm also recovering from burnout, so my energy levels are always very low.

    I can absolutely not have sex when the pain is at its worst or when I'm extremely exhausted. As long as I plan it so that I can rest both before and after, I am able to do most things (or variations of them) on the days that aren't that bad. It's often multiple days in a row, as well.

    We've found positions that work better than others, and I've learnt which ones I should avoid. The queening chair really does help. When I meet a new partner, I let them know about my limitations right from the start. If we get intimate, I guide them on what to do or not do. It has worked wonderfully.

    I'm still working on acceptance, but I am sure as heck not giving up sex!!! ;)

    1558720803
    MsR [sign in to see picture]
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    @Smultron: sounds like you have a great attitude and approach to things. Can I ask what a queening chair is? Thanks.

    1558721535
    Ian Chimp [sign in to see picture]
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    MsR wrote:

    @Smultron: sounds like you have a great attitude and approach to things. Can I ask what a queening chair is? Thanks.

    I believe Smultron is referring to this (though sadly out of stock at the minute) -

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30776

    1558740387
    Smultron [sign in to see picture]
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    MsR wrote:

    @Smultron: sounds like you have a great attitude and approach to things. Can I ask what a queening chair is? Thanks.

    I'm trying. There are days when I really don't feel good, but they are becoming less and less frequent. =)

    Yes, I was referring to the item Ian Chimp posted!

    1558741532
    Ian Chimp [sign in to see picture]
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    I remember last time it came up I found this guide to some of the different positions you can use it for, if anyone is intrigued by it. 🙂

    https://sexstoolmuse.com/positions/

    1558809583
    WillC [sign in to see picture]
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    I know when my wife is really bad, as she resorts to oral morphine, which she will only use as a last resort. As Smultron said, rest before and after sex is a must.

    1558813578
    MsR [sign in to see picture]
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    So many stories to be told, with lots of bravery and support from others. At least none of us are going quietly. Here's to lots more sexy fun and prioritising what our bodies and spirits can do!

    1558852672
    K&c30's [sign in to see picture]
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    My wife had really severe back problems where a disc slipped and then trapped the sciatic nerve. Nothing was done by the doctors other than pain killers (liquid morphine, slow release morphine tablets and co-codamol all the same time) until a few years later by which time the discs had fused and she was unable to stand up for more than 5 minutes. They ripped her spinal cord during the operation to correct it. That was a couple of years ago and it's still bad at times but not as bad as it was. We just had to pick our moments for sexy times and change the position as often as required. Morning sex is off the cards now as this is when she is in the most pain.

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