1. Poly relationships.

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    xMidnightDream [sign in to see picture]
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    Is anyone here is a polyamorous relationship? How did you figure out that it was right for you? How did you go about it with a partner? I've been intrigued by polyamory for a while now, I did mention it to my partner a while back but he wasn't too keen. Lately I've been feeling like I need something else. I love my partner very much and will be marrying him but his job means that I'm often alone and so I feel like I'm missing a lot of love and affection and I would really love to be able to have that added love and affection, especially from a woman, but I know my partner wouldn't be happy with this. I often feel lonely when he's working and I'm not someone that does well being on my own and I feel like I need a lot of love and affection too. Any advice or input on this would be fantastic x

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    Peakcouple [sign in to see picture]
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    When married to my ex, we had a sort of poly arrangement.  I had a girlfriend for a few years and he was OK with me staying at her place frequently, his only rule was that she didn't stay at our home.  It worked well, he knew her socially but that's as far as it went as she wasn't into men.  

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    xMidnightDream [sign in to see picture]
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    Peakcouple wrote:

    When married to my ex, we had a sort of poly arrangement.  I had a girlfriend for a few years and he was OK with me staying at her place frequently, his only rule was that she didn't stay at our home.  It worked well, he knew her socially but that's as far as it went as she wasn't into men.  

    That sounds really lovely! I just don't know how to bring it up with my fella and how to get him to be okay with it or even try it. X
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    Bigiain [sign in to see picture]
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    If he's already said he isn't happy at the thought of it them why ask again?.if he's made his thoughts clear then respect them, surely? Just my 2p

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    kelly_michelle [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with Bigiain, if your partner doesn’t like the idea then trying to force the issue will just cause issues in your relationship. I think you need to address why you feel like you aren’t getting enough love and attention and what you and your partner could do to stop you feeling like this when he works away.

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    xMidnightDream [sign in to see picture]
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    kelly_michelle wrote:

    I agree with Bigiain, if your partner doesn’t like the idea then trying to force the issue will just cause issues in your relationship. I think you need to address why you feel like you aren’t getting enough love and attention and what you and your partner could do to stop you feeling like this when he works away.

    Both of you are correct! I think my mind just wanders a lot and I have suffered with depression before and I think I'm just dropping back into that state of mind again. It really sucks. Thank you for your answers x
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    UKC [sign in to see picture]
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    If he's away a lot, what about couples toys? What about the lovense range? https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/brands/lovense/ The Nora and Max will work together over the Internet. I haven't seen the max on LH but who knows, they max stock soon. The manufacturer has a good demo video. Tempted myself to be honest.

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    MrandMrs_L [sign in to see picture]
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    Totally agree with others above. If he really isn't happy with it (and I don't blame him) then you really shouldnt try and push the subject. I guess if he doesn't agree it could be classed as cheating. 

    If the shoe was on the other foot, and he felt he wasn't getting enough from you and decided he wanted to push for a poly type of relationship and was with someone else how would you feel? If the answer is that you wouldn't like it then I feel you may have found the answer you are looking for.

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    kelly_michelle wrote:

    I agree with Bigiain, if your partner doesn’t like the idea then trying to force the issue will just cause issues in your relationship. I think you need to address why you feel like you aren’t getting enough love and attention and what you and your partner could do to stop you feeling like this when he works away.

    ^^ This, but I would go further, if you are wanting to in a sense "replace" him while he's away, then even though you love him, is this relationship right for both of you. Is it fair on both of you, is it giving you both, what you need, from a relationship. It seems like you are not coping with who he is, and his work. 

    If you both like the idea of other people in your relationship and it enhanses your relationship, for both of you, then that's fine. But what you are talking about is someone to take his place, while he is away, so you don't have to be alone as much. And he has already said he's not ok with that, pushing him will not make him love the idea, and just maybe, put a big crack, in your relationship, before you are even married. 

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    Gosig [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia4Ever wrote:

    kelly_michelle wrote:

    I agree with Bigiain, if your partner doesn’t like the idea then trying to force the issue will just cause issues in your relationship. I think you need to address why you feel like you aren’t getting enough love and attention and what you and your partner could do to stop you feeling like this when he works away.

    ^^ This, but I would go further, if you are wanting to in a sense "replace" him while he's away, then even though you love him, is this relationship right for both of you. Is it fair on both of you, is it giving you both, what you need, from a relationship. It seems like you are not coping with who he is, and his work. 

    Yep, you sound like you are suffering because of your partner's working pattern, and certainly I know I wouldn't cope well with my husband being away for days and nights on end (well I wouldn't cope full stop, and it would make or break a relationship for me). 

    If you feel you are heading towards another depression blip, has that not just magnified feeling alone and isolated when your partner is away? I know I feel a lot more needy when my mental health is poor, I either can't stand him or want sex constantly. You getting help for the depression if you can feel you are on your way down?

    I feel for you, I really do, I hope you can find a way out of how you are feeling. 

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    xMidnightDream [sign in to see picture]
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    Gosig wrote:

    Alicia4Ever wrote:

    kelly_michelle wrote:

    I agree with Bigiain, if your partner doesn’t like the idea then trying to force the issue will just cause issues in your relationship. I think you need to address why you feel like you aren’t getting enough love and attention and what you and your partner could do to stop you feeling like this when he works away.

    ^^ This, but I would go further, if you are wanting to in a sense "replace" him while he's away, then even though you love him, is this relationship right for both of you. Is it fair on both of you, is it giving you both, what you need, from a relationship. It seems like you are not coping with who he is, and his work. 

    Yep, you sound like you are suffering because of your partner's working pattern, and certainly I know I wouldn't cope well with my husband being away for days and nights on end (well I wouldn't cope full stop, and it would make or break a relationship for me). 

    If you feel you are heading towards another depression blip, has that not just magnified feeling alone and isolated when your partner is away? I know I feel a lot more needy when my mental health is poor, I either can't stand him or want sex constantly. You getting help for the depression if you can feel you are on your way down?

    I feel for you, I really do, I hope you can find a way out of how you are feeling. 

    He doesn't work away for days on end, he just works late and long shifts whereas my job is just a 9-5 kind of job. I don't feel that my depression is bad to the point where I need help, ever since I got into the new year, my mood has been rubbish and I think you are right that because I'm feeling down, the lonely feelings are being magnified. I love him to bits and have to just put up with his job as I can't do anything about that but just wish he was here a lot more and it makes it more difficult because I don't have any friends to do things with and I've been trying to meet new people for a couple of years and still nothing. I feel so awful that I even think about these things as I don't want to replace him at all, but I do become more needy when I'm down and I think my mind just wanders and then I worry a lot. I think I'm just searching for something to just take away some of the loneliness whether that be friends or whatever. All I do is go to work and come home and often when I come home, he's already at work and then I'm asleep when he gets home. X
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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    is there no one at work, who you could become friends with. I know what you mean, I don't have anyone to spend much time with, I'm single too, and have been for a long time. ( due to being trans-sexual. ) My best friend, I only see her, maybe once every 4 or 8 weeks, she's busy with her family. 

    Even then, we don't do things together, we just chat, for an hour, or less; I wish I had a proper girl friend, to do girly things with. I wish I had a girlfriend, or a boyfriend too, but that hasn't happened for me. 

    But looking for something sexual in nature may damage your relationship. 

    Have you thought of joining a social group, like a book club, or taking a pottery class, or languages, etc. You could find a female friend there. I don't have money to do that kind of thing, but I wish I did. 

    Have you thought of putting video messages on the computer for each other, just to say how your days have been, or even something of a sexual nature, so you can watch it while you do a bit of solo, play. 

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    xMidnightDream [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia4Ever wrote:

    is there no one at work, who you could become friends with. I know what you mean, I don't have anyone to spend much time with, I'm single too, and have been for a long time. ( due to being trans-sexual. ) My best friend, I only see her, maybe once every 4 or 8 weeks, she's busy with her family. 

    Even then, we don't do things together, we just chat, for an hour, or less; I wish I had a proper girl friend, to do girly things with. I wish I had a girlfriend, or a boyfriend too, but that hasn't happened for me. 

    But looking for something sexual in nature may damage your relationship. 

    Have you thought of joining a social group, like a book club, or taking a pottery class, or languages, etc. You could find a female friend there. I don't have money to do that kind of thing, but I wish I did. 

    Have you thought of putting video messages on the computer for each other, just to say how your days have been, or even something of a sexual nature, so you can watch it while you do a bit of solo, play. 

    There is only me and my boss at work, we are close but she's double my age, so had a husband and grown up kids. Also, with groups and stuff, they are all when I'm working in my area :( so I can't even join them. I'm on apps to find friends and I have met people before but it never seems to work out for some reason even though I try. I'm so sorry to hear that you don't have a partner, I really hope that you find someone 💖 I think we do need new ways to spark things up as in just general, but also sex. X

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