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  1. my sex controlling partner... help please?

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    GypsyLee [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 14 Jul 2009

    Hi....

    i wondered if anyone could help me with my tiny probably easily resolved little problem...

    my partner of a year is quite controlling in the bedroom department....

    I dont want to go on and bore you with the details but he doesnt ever let me initiate sex...he always comes up with excuses saying lets watch this...(we have a tv in the bedroom)

    he hates me touching him... and all this time iv noticed its always him that has to initiate and pretty much 'take it' when HE feels like it....it bothers me somewhat as it seems pretty selfish but i also wonder if there a bit of an underlaying problem... he had a bad relationship with a very very controlling girl...

    and its as though im now 'paying for her his/her mistakes' which im trying not to believe but sometimes i wonder....

    ...but let me mention when we do have sex its totally mind blowing and well worth it... sometimes it a quickie and sometimes we get toys out and practically last all night or have at least 4ish sessions in the night....

    iv been through the its me phase thinking im not sexy or attractive enough to him and come out the other side now as he has treat me in a way that makes me feel wanted etc...

    Im taking different approaches now if I can tell you what im about to try and any advice would be greatly greatly appreciated as im actually getting quite frustrated...

    we have a couple of toys... which we both like...so im branching out a bit in this department...

    iv just ordered 9 different toys from LH and told him its a lucky dip containing toys for both him and me... last time i did this with only 4 items and his face was awesome... hes also not afraid to try or use anything....I cant wait and hope this batch arrives tomorrow for the weekend!! ;)

    included in this batch is the monogomay game.. which looking at the reviews comes totally recomended and im hoping this will loosen him up a bit and get him talking as when i talk dirty to him over text he seems to 'clam up'

    im thinking of blind folding him and dressing up in a maids outfit or schoolgirl outfit and letting him feel his way....

    what do you reckon??

    as always any advice is much apreaciated... do you think in tackling it right would you do anything different or could you offer me any suggestions or tips to make it work??

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    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    It does sound like he might have some issues from his previous relationship. Have you spoken to him about the way it's making you feel? It might sound stupid but sometimes a chat is all it takes.

    I like the idea of the monogamy game, that might work quite nicely.

    Have you considered things like mutual masturbation and things you can do together? 69 and things like that might also be a good idea.

    It sounds like it's a sensitive area for him, so encourage him but don't push it, since you might make it worse.

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you spoke to him about what bothers you?

    I'm sure communication will be the first piece of advice many here will give! I'll leave it to other members for the long detailed posts.

    Good luck!

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    Ilovemyman [sign in to see picture]
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    Ecksvie wrote:

    It does sound like he might have some issues from his previous relationship. Have you spoken to him about the way it's making you feel? It might sound stupid but sometimes a chat is all it takes.

    I like the idea of the monogamy game, that might work quite nicely.

    Have you considered things like mutual masturbation and things you can do together? 69 and things like that might also be a good idea.

    It sounds like it's a sensitive area for him, so encourage him but don't push it, since you might make it worse.

    I agree with all of the above, Manogamy is fantastic! x

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    SweetSubmission [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi GypsyLee,

    As everyone else has said, I'd try talking about it first, and the board game is a good way to initiate that conversation. I'd be very wary about pouncing on him with a blindfold though - it sounds like, for whatever reason, he currently needs to be in control of his sexuality. That doesn't mean he has a right to control yours, but he might find the idea of submitting to you very disconcerting, especially without talking about it first.

    In terms of initiating sex, you could try ways that don't involve you physically taking charge - touch yourself rather than touching him. That way you're able to let him know you're in the mood and that you want him but still let him feel like he's in charge when he grabs you for a moment of passion!

    I hope that it is a tiny problem as you say and that there isn't a deeper subtext to his behaviour, but either way, I'd say talking is usually the answer.

    SS xx

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    GypsyLee [sign in to see picture]
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    I had an electrifying weekend...

    we talked about loads of stuff even without the game....hes also wanting to try somethign for his prostate... BREAKTHROUGH!! I just want to explore and please him in any way... I feel like my sex life is just beginning !! even if i did get a bit jealous of the male masturbator sleeve thingy lol !!

    Im grinning all over... thanks so much for the advice!!

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Congratulations!

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Whoo for talking being the winning solution *crosses fingers* again!! and Whoo for you feeling like you're getting somewhere too!!

    Ax

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    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    Yay! I'm really happy for you!

    Do keep us updated :)

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    GypsyLee [sign in to see picture]
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    it was the lucky dip box of toys that did it!! I individually wrapped all 9 items and laced them all back in their 'disguised packaging; box... we waited 2 nights before we opened them... and it was all he talked about all weekend as I wouldnt tell him what I had bought.. only that there were things for him and things for me and some freebies too!! wow thanks LH!! he was somewhat nervous... I assured him there was nothing offensive or intrusive... and there wasnt.. it really was like christmas watching him open them... hes so lovely!! :) xx

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    masterandslave [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi GL I'm so glad things are going so well for both of you, did you get to the maid's outfit in the end? I was going to suggest with the whole maid theme that you can pander to his every need whilst wearing that outfit, really go to town with that mindset!

    x

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