1. Sexual compatibility

    1539807120
    Boomplus [sign in to see picture]
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    We have 5 kids and only get time alone when they are at nursery (couple hours). We try to maximise this as much as possible and we both feel tired but are still up for it. Maybe try finding out what turns him on, some lingerie maybe, babydoll etc.  Also it may be that you need to initiate it but not be so obvious, just touching him and try take it further from there. Good luck 

    1539808953
    Knight1119 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Mr and Mrs L, very kind of you. I’ve never spoken about it before. Apologies, I’m not good at talking about things. My girlfriend’s daughter was killed by a dangerous driver some years ago, everything changed that day and unfortunately will never change, it was truly awful, I’m a man & It took all I have to hold myself together for her. Very sorry, I hope I haven’t ruined your evening. x

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    MrandMrs_L [sign in to see picture]
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    Not at all Knight1119. I’m so sorry you’ve both gone through such a tragedy in your lives. It’s no wonder that sex has become very low on the list of priorities. Maybe you can have a conversation with her about how you feel? I hope talking has given you some comfort. Here if you need to talk x

    1539810683
    Knight1119 [sign in to see picture]
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    Many thanks Mr and Mrs L, so kind. We haven’t spoken about sex for a very long time, & she often apologises to me about the lack of sex, I just feel so sorry for her. I spoil her & shower her with presents,flowers anything she wants. x

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    MrandMrs_L [sign in to see picture]
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    That’s so sweet. You’re the sweetest person. I really do hope one day you find common ground and are able to experience sex together once more. Big hugs🤗 x

    1539848105
    Knight1119 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks ever so much Mr and Mrs L, really kind of you x

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    Gran [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh my, working 50 hours a week *and* having children to mother is way too much for anyone! No wonder you're both tired.

    I don't have anything to add really, just wanted to give y'all a squeeze and a hug, and say I'm in the same boat. After some amazingly sizzling sex when we got together, it's now vanished as my beloved just doesn't have the drive. He insists it's not about me, but that he just never feels horny in the cooler weather, so I may have to wait till next spring, or even summer, when things start heating up again. Even tho we've had this delicious Indian summer, he hasn't been interested.

    And - he's a total darling in other ways. Except he finds it hard to sleep in the same bed, because I snore, apparently. OK, I snore. He (very kindly) recorded me one night to prove it. He will join in with my toys, and will use a substitute cock (he just doesn't get hard) but he's not really interested. <\p>

    I think, in the end, all the talking brings us closer, and the cuddling, hand holding, and "washing up" parts of our relationship are worth their weight in gold. So I've got to a place where I just don't mind, and will enjoy it when it happens. I hope that you all find your ways to feel happy and fulfilled in your relationships. Oh - and there are a surprising number of people on here who *don't* have the sizzling sex life we imagine.

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    MrandMrs_L [sign in to see picture]
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    Love your reply Gran. After me moaning we did have an amazing foreplay session last night. Didn’t even get to sex but I was absolutely fine with that. He too doesn’t get horny whereas I can hear/read/see something and instantly be aroused. However when I say something to him in a hint, he’s usually okay at picking that up- as he did yesterday however it would be soooo nice not to have to hint lol! Thank you for taking the time to reply :-) xxx

    1539854220

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    I totally agree with what Gran says about so many on here, not having the 'sizzling sex life' we imagine. 

    I'm one of those people too. At the moment, it's me with the incredibly low sex drive and low self esteem to go with it. 

    Myself and my OH both have troublesome mental issues with a combination of PTSD, emotional instability (for me) and a whole host of other demons relating to the different traumas we have both experienced.

    You could definitely say our life and relationship is very complicated, but we are soul mates and love each other despite all this. 

    I find life so bl**dy hard at times and don't cope in stressful situations well at all. Hubby has his own issues with PTSD, so is a saint for putting up with and looking after me. Enough about the long-winded stuff...

    ...I've not felt like sex very often at all lately, and when we have 'done it', I just went along with it even though I felt physically and mentally poorly. 

    I say to my hubby all the time 'I'm sorry we've not had sex for a bit', because I feel like I've neglected his male needs and I feel bad about this. I wish I could feel more in the mood at the moment for my own wellbeing as well, so I'm making sure we have a nice enjoyable session together thix weekend.

    I'm not going to force anything, but just have a relaxing shower and shave, make myself look and feel as best as I can and enjoy some quality time with hubby.

    Hopefully this will ignite my inner spark again and it won't blow out this time, like the 'old boiler' I feel like.

    I'm only in my mid 30's and illness and stress has really took it's toll on me, my self-esteem and my well-being.

    I'm crazy about my hubby, he is a sweetheart and would do anything in the world for me. I feel the love from him everyday and I'm so thankful for that.

    I need to get myself right again full stop, I'm fed up with feeling low all the time and only I can change it!!!

    I'm so thankful I have everyone on here willing to listen to me drone on, but seriously, you don't realise how much you all brighten my day and my life. Thank you all so much.

    I'm feeling positive about my weekend after a very draining few weeks (with one thing or another, including several docs/mental health appointments in a week). 

    My hubby is so sweet, he said I could treat myself to something from Lovehoney as I've stuck to, and done so well with the '3 months off' from OCD shopping. I am very excited indeed!! 😄

    Thanks for being there and listening all xxx. 💐 🌸 🌷🍁🍃

    1539855295

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    I'm the one rolling over under the covers to give him oral first thing in the morning when we have time, but I am never going to wake up to his head between my legs. Yes I could ask him to, but I am finding it difficult that he doesn't seem fussed by a lot of sex stuff. I guess regardless of which gender you are, if you are having to initiate things all the time, however receptive your OH is to what you are doing, the fact that you are having to drive things does make you (me) feel a little rejected.

    When I am well and in the mood 'Gosig', I can totally relate to what you have said above (I can feel exactly like this sometimes!).

    However I can't judge my hubby if he has severe pain issues and mental issues some days, as I'm exactly the same when I'm not well or in the mood.

    I told you our relationship and marriage is pretty complex as well as everyday life itself. We are used to periods without sex as we both struggle with stress and the fast pace of life, me moreso.

    That's why I made the decision 2 years ago to be sterilised as there is no way we could both manage to give a child a happy life with all our issues. Life is difficult enough for us and we just about manage to support each other through it!

    Although, in a different life, I've always imagined a little boy with hubby's characteristics. 

    We both take the rough with the smooth and us just being together is enough for us.

    Just wanted to let you know, it could be worse! xx

    1539858630
    NibbleNob [sign in to see picture]
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    Knight1119 wrote:

    Thanks Mr and Mrs L, very kind of you. I’ve never spoken about it before. Apologies, I’m not good at talking about things. My girlfriend’s daughter was killed by a dangerous driver some years ago, everything changed that day and unfortunately will never change, it was truly awful, I’m a man & It took all I have to hold myself together for her. Very sorry, I hope I haven’t ruined your evening. x

    So sorry to hear your story Knight, puts it all into a different perspective. Can't imagine the loss of a child and how that would affect life afterwards.

    1539858778
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Gran wrote:

    Oh my, working 50 hours a week *and* having children to mother is way too much for anyone! No wonder you're both tired.

    I don't have anything to add really, just wanted to give y'all a squeeze and a hug, and say I'm in the same boat. After some amazingly sizzling sex when we got together, it's now vanished as my beloved just doesn't have the drive. He insists it's not about me, but that he just never feels horny in the cooler weather, so I may have to wait till next spring, or even summer, when things start heating up again. Even tho we've had this delicious Indian summer, he hasn't been interested.

    And - he's a total darling in other ways. Except he finds it hard to sleep in the same bed, because I snore, apparently. OK, I snore. He (very kindly) recorded me one night to prove it. He will join in with my toys, and will use a substitute cock (he just doesn't get hard) but he's not really interested. <\p>

    I think, in the end, all the talking brings us closer, and the cuddling, hand holding, and "washing up" parts of our relationship are worth their weight in gold. So I've got to a place where I just don't mind, and will enjoy it when it happens. I hope that you all find your ways to feel happy and fulfilled in your relationships. Oh - and there are a surprising number of people on here who *don't* have the sizzling sex life we imagine.

    Gran, there's a series on sleep on channel 5 Wed at 9:00pm yesterdays episode include help for snoring problems. Maybe you can watch it on catch up. 

    1539858858
    young at heart [sign in to see picture]
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    What an excellent thread, I was just looking at posting and found this, how very informative, thank you MrandmrsL

    My situation is similar, we probably have sex once a week, always a saturday night, never any other time.  If I try to initiate sex any other time of the week, even when the teenage kids are out of the house it is always no, even a quickie in the morning or any other form of sexual activity is a big no-no apart from saturday night (kids are out then). I feel like my OH has no sex desire towards me and yet i desire her like mad!  Ive talked about me initiating even when she is not interested to see if that would help get her going and she doesnt think she should have sex unless she feels like she wants to (fair enough I suppose) very frustrating, weve talked until we argua about this and there is never any change to the situation so do we try counselling to try to work it out or what?  very difficult situation as it has gone on for years now. thank you.

    1539859358
    NibbleNob [sign in to see picture]
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    MrandMrs_L wrote:

    Aww NibbleNob! It's so good to hear your side, although not so good that you aren't having much luck in the bedroom at the moment. I don't know what advice I can give because I could use some for myself but just know that we're all here to talk to you. I love that you say you don't want an affair or to use hookers when so many men wouldn't bat an eyelid. You sound like a keeper. I hope things improve!!! 

    Thanks for your kind words - it was meant to be you asking for advice and feedback, not the other way around!

    To some extent we have been here before and things got better, not to the level I would like but more or less a weekly ritual sort of along the lines of a date night. That also corresponded with a house move which I wonder if there was an element of that bringing us together where we had perhaps drifted apart a bit. We now seem to be drifting again and there are some reasons behinid that, Mrs is quite busy at the moment and needing to put her energy into other things.

    I'm sticking in there rather than throwing toys out of the pram. It may not come across well when I go for a moaning post but deep down I know I'm ok, I'm a decent bloke with lots going for me, much like how you described your fella. Should things ever get to the point they break down then I'd be pretty happy looking myself in the mirror and knowing I'd done my best.

    As for male feedback on sex drive, my view is that there is definitely a point where too much activity makes it less enjoyable, even though most of us think we want it every day. A bit of a break is a good thing to rekindle desires but a month or more does sound too much.

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    NibbleNob wrote:

    Knight1119 wrote:

    Thanks Mr and Mrs L, very kind of you. I’ve never spoken about it before. Apologies, I’m not good at talking about things. My girlfriend’s daughter was killed by a dangerous driver some years ago, everything changed that day and unfortunately will never change, it was truly awful, I’m a man & It took all I have to hold myself together for her. Very sorry, I hope I haven’t ruined your evening. x

    So sorry to hear your story Knight, puts it all into a different perspective. Can't imagine the loss of a child and how that would affect life afterwards.

    Totally agree with you 'NN'. My hubby has a friend who lost both her children in tragic circumstances. I can't imagine how on earth she gets through every day, as her hubby has recently died too. It does make you wonder why the world is so cruel, more often than not.

    To 'Knight1119', you truly seem like a lovely, sweet and thoughtful person. Remember, everyone on here, including myself are here to support you whenever you need to talk. So sorry for what you're going through. x 😔

    1539862362
    MrandMrs_L [sign in to see picture]
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    You are all amazing. I don't really have much to add, other than I am so glad I have each and every one of you on LH and you are truly all my friends. I love that we can all discuss things we might not disucss with friends, and we all understand one another regardless of what exactly it is we are going through. You have all opened my eyes in a number of ways, and it is so good to know I am not alone. I do love you all to bits! 

    1539862483
    MrandMrs_L [sign in to see picture]
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    young at heart wrote:

    What an excellent thread, I was just looking at posting and found this, how very informative, thank you MrandmrsL

    My situation is similar, we probably have sex once a week, always a saturday night, never any other time.  If I try to initiate sex any other time of the week, even when the teenage kids are out of the house it is always no, even a quickie in the morning or any other form of sexual activity is a big no-no apart from saturday night (kids are out then). I feel like my OH has no sex desire towards me and yet i desire her like mad!  Ive talked about me initiating even when she is not interested to see if that would help get her going and she doesnt think she should have sex unless she feels like she wants to (fair enough I suppose) very frustrating, weve talked until we argua about this and there is never any change to the situation so do we try counselling to try to work it out or what?  very difficult situation as it has gone on for years now. thank you.

    Youngatheart, I am glad my post has at least brought you some comfort. I really do hope that you get this situation sorted so that you are both happy. I am not sure why it only has to be on a Saturday night, and no other. Maybe counselling would be good. You need to be happy in your relationship too. I think communication really is key, and I will say that a thousand times. Good luck with your journey and keep us updated 

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    MrandMrs_L wrote:

    You are all amazing. I don't really have much to add, other than I am so glad I have each and every one of you on LH and you are truly all my friends. I love that we can all discuss things we might not disucss with friends, and we all understand one another regardless of what exactly it is we are going through. You have all opened my eyes in a number of ways, and it is so good to know I am not alone. I do love you all to bits! 

    +1 to this! 😊 x

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    #Jack [sign in to see picture]
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    I’m in the exact same position!

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    MrandMrs_L [sign in to see picture]
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    #Jack wrote:

    I’m in the exact same position!

    Oh no #Jack, Whats going on? 

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