• Vaginismus - any experiences?

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    It's not always psychological - many doctors believe it is which makes it all the more difficult to cure for those of us who it is physical rather than psychological it can be psychological though so good advice

    Ax

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    masterandslave [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi TD,

    I can't have any penetrative sex without some form of lubrication to hand! So please make sure that you are using some to help things along.

    These might be of some help too perhaps?

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=13236

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=11595

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=6328

    x

    1279131853
    2Wicked [sign in to see picture]
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    AdnaW wrote:

    It's not always psychological - many doctors believe it is which makes it all the more difficult to cure for those of us who it is physical rather than psychological it can be psychological though so good advice

    Ax

    I've been meaning to ask you: I was diagnosed with vaginismus due to psychological factors a year ago (and still struggling a bit). What kind of kegels can I do to improve my condition? Tense & release? Because I've been doing that for a while now and it seems that these exercises make things worse for me. It appears that my muscles tense more when they shouldn't and penetration is quite uncomfortable. I've tried inserting dilators/dildos before sex and that helps a lot but I was looking for more permanent results. Any advice?

    1279132220
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    What helps me is to squeeze for 10 seconds, then release for 10, 10 times in a row. Repeat twice a day and make sure I'm in a relaxed environment (preferably lying down) when I do them.

    Then, before penetrative sex I'll do an extra 10 contractions and 10 releases and if I encounter increased pain I'll stop and squeeze a few times around him before continuing.

    Apparently the idea of these exercises are to allow your body to recognise the difference between tense and relaxed and when you do them before or during sex it's like a reminder to release the muscles because it's so easy to tense them without even realising!

    I now have to do these pretty much every day to maintain the ability to have sex but mine is a physical problem too, it may be that if it's physchological and you've dealt with the reasons then it may act more as a "cure" than it ever does for me though I'm not 100% sure about that.

    Dilators daily with kegals can help too. Doing your kegals around the dilators.

    None of this is a substitute for medical advice though, if the problem is persistant you really ought to talk to a doctor too!

    Good luck

    Adxx

    1279132387
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    As the partner of AdnaW I'd also suggest that an orgasm before hand might make penetration more enjoyable and relax the muscles.

    Hope all goes well.

    1279132766
    2Wicked [sign in to see picture]
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    I'd never thought of doing kegels around a dilator/penis! And I never realized that kegels could work like that (training the muscles to respond the way they should).

    Thank you so so much for taking the time to reply!!

    Very grateful!

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    2Wicked [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    As the partner of AdnaW I'd also suggest that an orgasm before hand might make penetration more enjoyable and relax the muscles.

    Hope all goes well.

    Very true, I've been doing that for a while now and it works. Thank you both:)

    1279133555
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    For AdnaW she she isn't really fully 'cured' but with some care and attention you soon find ways to work around things.

    1279134459
    2Wicked [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you so much guys. Adnaw I hope things work out for you! Best of luck

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    2Wicked wrote:

    I'd never thought of doing kegels around a dilator/penis! And I never realized that kegels could work like that (training the muscles to respond the way they should).

    Thank you so so much for taking the time to reply!!

    Very grateful!

    I don't like to bang on about stuff, but I do like to talk about things like this - mainly because there are many women suffering and there isn't a lot of literature out there on how to deal with it! Talking about it makes it more "known" about which is good for people just getting diagnosed!

    I hope you figure out exactly what works for you

    Adx

    1279136274
    2Wicked [sign in to see picture]
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    AdnaW wrote:

    2Wicked wrote:

    I'd never thought of doing kegels around a dilator/penis! And I never realized that kegels could work like that (training the muscles to respond the way they should).

    Thank you so so much for taking the time to reply!!

    Very grateful!

    I don't like to bang on about stuff, but I do like to talk about things like this - mainly because there are many women suffering and there isn't a lot of literature out there on how to deal with it! Talking about it makes it more "known" about which is good for people just getting diagnosed!

    I hope you figure out exactly what works for you

    Adx

    Totally agree. Btw, you are very well informed. I'm sure you've done lots of research and I believe you've discussed this with great doctors. Sadly, the doctors in my case were less than helpful so I try to figure things out myself. As for the literature, well it's practically non existent. So many people claim to know everything there is to it, but in reality they offer so little help. Believe it or not, you offered the best advise on the subject so far!

    So, good luck to all women and men struggling with issues of sexual health

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Some links:

    http://www.vaginismus-awareness-network.org/

    http://www.vaginismus.com/

    http://www.womentc.com/content.php?keyword=vaginisumus

    Perhaps they are useful.

    1279137575
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    I've googled a lot!

    My doctors were good, but not completely well informed as is often the case with female sex problems - a shame when a gynaecologist should specialise in such a topic!

    I had a great gynaecological physiotherapist who explained kegals very well and then I've just read as much as I can find and used my science knowledge to fill in the gaps.

    I also have a wonderful OH who anytime he stumbles across anything relevant will let me know and helps me get into the right frame of mind (the thing I struggled most with was feeling unfeminine over my inability to give my man sex) when it comes to sex

    I'm glad I can help others though by passing on what I've learnt

    Good luck lovely!

    Adx

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    Some links:

    http://www.vaginismus-awareness-network.org/

    http://www.vaginismus.com/

    http://www.womentc.com/content.php?keyword=vaginisumus

    Perhaps they are useful.

    See - in'e good!

    Adx

    1279139443
    2Wicked [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanx again!

    http://www.womentc.com/content.php?keyword=vaginisumus seems quite good. I already knew the other two.

    My husband is also very helpful, supportive, patient, he's great! He always encourages me to keep trying new things so to overcome this and he is the reason I found LH in the first place! He had a few ideas like using small beginner's vibes internally (on a low speed) so to see if muscles relax or tense more (I'm waiting for that order, so don't know if this will work for me) or using bullet vibes during penetrative sex to see if this reduces the pain (and it did, probably because my mind was preoccupied with the great feeling the vibe provided so I was able to have sex with less pain than usual).

    You said: "the thing I struggled most with was feeling unfeminine over my inability to give my man sex." Yeap, this is exactly how I felt, but feel much better lately My main problem was that we had incredible sex for almost 9 years without any problems (so I guess this is what they call secondary vaginismus), and all of a sudden, things changed.

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Learning that oral sex = sex was a big weight off my mind! Plus - my OH prefers oral, it's me that prefers penetrative sex!

    The other reason I had to learn quick was because I've always had pain during sex - it's not going away, so I had to learn quick to make sure I could still enjoy and make the most of my sex life! It's all about being as positive as possible! I tear a lot too - that's something WandA finds hard, seeing blood is definitely a turn off ha!

    Adx

    1279143351
    2Wicked [sign in to see picture]
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    Oral sex is wonderful and of course it's sex! But I wasn't sure if my hubby would be happy with just oral. But he is! Of course I had to learn that because we always have to take a break for a few days after penetrative sex because I'm quite sore inside.

    Oh, blood you say? you mean a few pinkish drops or more than that?

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    I've liteally poured on occasion but that's rare - usually a few streaks on a baby wipe. Could be better could be worse - but the reason for my issues is skin sensitivity - it's not very elastic so it tears easily - the pain from that is what lead to the worsening pain from subconcious muscle tensing. There are 2 separate issues for me and the tearing is not associated with the vaginismus but probably caused it if that makes sense.

    Just means sex has to go very slow to make sure I don't tear before the skins had chance to settle around his cock.

    Adx

    1279145306
    2Wicked [sign in to see picture]
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    I see. Could dryness be a factor? I thought it was in my case but I recently found out it wasn't after all. Four years ago I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism (Graves disease), which could lead to vaginal dryness, but hopefully it didn't. But it kinda messed with my sex drive for a year or so. Now I'm ok.

    Which type of lube do you prefer? I use water-based lubes but I decided to go with a silicone based one. I guess we'll see in a few days when I finally find the courage to do so (my skin is very sensitive).

    1279145478
    2Wicked [sign in to see picture]
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    "but hopefully it didn't"= thankfully, sorry

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