1. Sexual inhibition

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    Flamingo747 [sign in to see picture]
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    I've gotten worse as time has gone on. Married, mid 30s female. I have trouble admitting when I am aroused or want sex. I find it very difficult to masturbate or orgasm when he's present unless he's actively aroused and involved. It feels embarrassing, weak and shameful. No religious stuff going on, family background is a little sexually reserved (I don't even discuss sex with my similar age sisters!). I was much better in my teens and early 20s. I have a lot of body confidence issues as I am very overweight, but always have been big. How do I start reducing my inhibitions and building a healthy relationship with my sexual side?

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    lovingnewtoys [sign in to see picture]
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    You've made a good start by coming here to talk.

    Many of us go through stages. My mood etc changes by the minute let alone the day/week/month. The only thing to do is know there is an issue and talk and work through it. You will probably find it easier to talk here to start with as we are strangers with no knowledge of you or your husband. You will receive different suggestions and opinions of which you can decide if you want to take all or some on board.

    My first question to you would be do you play solo and if so do you fully relax and orgasm when you do?

    As for your body confidence issues I can totally relate to this, and believe me this is not an issue suffered by only shaplier women. I am sure your husband loves you and tells you so. I am also sure he tells you you are beautiful. I know mine does, and although I can't see it myself I have to believe that he means it, and that should be enough for you to feel more confident.

    I am going to leave you with these thoughts and I am sure other forum members will give you some much deserved advice and support

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    I feel that there are a couple of things that could get you started, first off try to find time to talk to your OH about sex. to start with you could both try writting some sexual feelings down, perhaps to each read when you are alone. You could have some little cards that you have written on, kept say somewhere in the bedroom. Then if you feel aroused or want sex, you can get out the card and give it to your OH. If you feel you can't tell him about wanting to do this, then write you feelings down, andtell him how you would like to try and get past you inhibitions.

    Then try reading infront of each other, then reading your OH's out loud to him, and him to read yours. By then you may feel able to express yourselves verbally. You need to find some way to learn to accept that your OH finds you attractive as you are, instead of thinking the worst of what anyone could say about you, and beliving that over what your OH tells you. 

    Confidence is sexy, if you can find a bit in yourself, it would go along way to change the way others see you; then when someone says you seem different in a good way, it will boost your self image, and inturn your confidence will grow a little more; in an ongoing way. But you have to make the first move in this, it has to come from inside you to start with; you have to learn to belive in yourself, and to not put yourself down. 

    Take a look at some of the women celebities who are big, and see how they have such big confident personalities, and how this makes them come over sexy and sassy.

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    Cb1987 [sign in to see picture]
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    I would suggest talking freely with your oh about the way things are - and the way you feel. I would then suggest starting to learn to enjoy your body for you with a range of Toys to help and also then bringing in couples Toys to help. In regards confidence it's not easy I'm a size 20. 5ft 1 with 40ee bust so curvy and stumpy I feel but the new parisenne range is stunning for plus size on the website and learning to try and appreciate yourself. I know is hard and I'm going through that process myself slowly will get there x

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    Flamingo747 [sign in to see picture]
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    I do masturbate alone sometimes, usually very quickly when I'm home alone, simply because I can. I can come really quick and relax into well I love the notes idea thank you!

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    Gosig [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia4Ever wrote:

    You need to find some way to learn to accept that your OH finds you attractive as you are, instead of thinking the worst of what anyone could say about you, and beliving that over what your OH tells you. 

    Confidence is sexy, if you can find a bit in yourself, it would go along way to change the way others see you; then when someone says you seem different in a good way, it will boost your self image, and inturn your confidence will grow a little more; in an ongoing way. But you have to make the first move in this, it has to come from inside you to start with; you have to learn to belive in yourself, and to not put yourself down. 

    Take a look at some of the women celebities who are big, and see how they have such big confident personalities, and how this makes them come over sexy and sassy.

    This is, in my opinion, some outstanding insight from Alicia.

    When I first regained my libido earlier this year, it was because of changes in medication that had dampened everything down. I'm assuming this isn't the case with you? I felt really inhibited in front of my husband, and even now I find it easier to orgasm on my own than with him, as all the old insecurities whisper in my ears. It used to sound so trite and superficial to me, but the whole 'fake it until you make it' has worked for me, usually in the form of wearing some fetching undies from LH. No amount of my husband telling me I was gorgeous would get it into my thick head.....I have had to develop it for myself. Not easy, but a work in process, and my sexual confidence is growing all the time. My shape hasn't changed, but my feelings towards my shape have, and I do get increasing amounts of male attention because of the change in my confidence. 

    My best wishes to you, it is not an enjoyable place to be, and I sincerely hope that some of the good suggestions already on this thread can help. 

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    Knight1119 [sign in to see picture]
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    Best wishes Flamingo, I hope things work out well.

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    Boomplus [sign in to see picture]
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    Talk to your partner about it. Tell them how you feel  and tell them what you are looking to change. The two of you should come up with some ideas together to help both of you get intimate. Maybe try some lingerie sets or similar to help both you feel good about you.

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