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  1. feeling shy and confused

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    shybigmumma [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 27 Feb 2011

    hi all, completely new to all of this and nervous but i need advice...

    So, after 7 years of being together, sex has become as exciting as vanilla ice cream and even though ive tried to make it better, i cant seem to just come as i used to. Ive previously brought him a sexy mrs claus suit complete with stockings and that night was just, well he blew me away but then boom! back to vanilla sex, i know he enjoys feeling me play with myself which i try but he takes over so i revert to thinking of my fantasies to make me come, but i think its me.

    im no model and i have more stretchmarks on my stomach than a spaghetti junction so i feel nervous, self concious and embarassed when it comes to sexy time, even though hes seen me completely naked and even had a close up view. Last night i brough 2 babydoll outfits off here and sent him a message to show him and i got a very good reply, but im nervous now about wearing them because i hate the way i look. Is it just me? am i being silly?

    I am usually dominant and know what i want, so it usually boils down to me saying what i want and like ive said, im bored of it, so also last night i suggested we have 1 night each, every week to just give eachother our fantasies and although hes agreed, its me. I am still feeling nervous about it, i dont know how to boost my confidence. can anyone offer advice? thankyou

    1534092905
    Ian Chimp [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1273
    • Joined: 27 Mar 2018

    Hello and welcome 🙂

    There's a lot going on in your post, but at the heart of it I think you're saying that you've not been finding sex as satisfying recently and you're looking for ways to get that feeling back again. Lots of people go through phases like this so don't think you're alone. We went through a similar thing after our twins were born, and so we (eventually) came here and bought a shit load of toys and lingerie. We've spent a small fortune, but we've had so much fun it's hard to begrudge it. 🙂

    It also sounds like you may have a bit of stage-fright. Just relax, and try and have some fun. If things don't go perfect this time you can always have another go later. Hopefully thinking about in that way will take some of the pressure off. 🙂

    You didn't say in your post whether you have the same problem when you play by yourself? Is it just sex as a couple that needs spicing up a bit, or have you also lost that feeling in solo play too? I don't know what sort of toys you like but Mrs Chimp has had a lot of fun these past few months trying out all the different styles on offer, and has gained a lot of confidence just by exploring and experimenting with them. It's definitely something to consider if you've not already, and a lot of them are brilliant to use as a couple as well. 🙂

    Hope this helps

    1534097148
    Bunnybomb2015 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 252
    • Joined: 28 Jun 2018

    Honestly lingerie is the best thing ever for when you are self conscious about how you look, I feel you where the stretch marks are concerned after having two kids and being the size of a whale both pregnancies I’m left with a ton of stretch marks which I do get very self conscious about, I have found lingerie just takes all of that away because you can cover that in a sexy way and a lot of lingerie from here makes me feel a million dollars and actually gives me more confidence than I’ve ever had even more than my pre child body! As for trying to spice things up a little bit you said your usually the dominant one so you could always just grab the bull by the horns so to speak and just sit your partner down and just say look, things haven’t been great recently nothing personal but I want to spice things up, what kind of things would you be interested in trying or do you have any fantasies that we can try and vice versa..

    I lost my libido for a while just because sex was so boring, it’s only since coming here and first of exploring what I like through solo play, then I introduced my OH to it and now sex is just brilliant my libido is so high and I actually love my sex life now. It’s all about finding what works best for you and as a couple.

    Only you know what stuff you would like and what would really do it for you and your SO, but there is so many ways to make this happen on here I’m sure just exploring will help loads! Like I say, try out the lingerie it’s honestly been a life saver for me! Tons of confidence I remember the first time I purchased some nice lingerie I really didn’t want to take it off! I felt amazing in it 😋

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    Sparklybunny [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 14 Dec 2016

    I agree with the lingerie plan too. I can't remember the last time my hubby saw me naked! Hope it's ok to say this but a few drinks help too! Most importantly, your OH thinks you're great just as you are. We're too harsh on ourselves, always picking out our faults and comparing ourselves to images in the media. Your OH will just be pleased he's getting some. You're not being silly at all, it's an issue lots of us have. Also, if it's any help, I think about my fantasies to make me come too, I assumed it was standard practice. Perhaps try not to focus on coming too much and just enjoy the journey. These are my pearls of wisdom from someone who's been through the same thing. In the end it was starting belly dancing that made me realise my saggy old body is good enough as  it is. Good luck x

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    shybigmumma [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 27 Feb 2011

    Its odd because solo play offers so satisfaction unless i know my oh is watching and enjoying but from a distance, i sat down last night and explained i was unhappy with our sex life and i showed him pictures of what lingerie i had brought and after a long discussion we decided that for 1 night a week i would help with a fantasy of his and again for 1 night he would do mine. It was very embarrassing on his part because he doesn’t usually talk so openly about sex but i explained i loved him and if needed we could text so thats how the conversation carried on. Oddly enough, as he described his fantasy, i became very turned on and well, we had a good night.

    This morning my lingerie came and i decided to go to the bathroom and try it all just to get any embarrassment away and all i felt was wow! Being a mum and partner wasn’t important at that moment, i became me, i felt like a million dollars and i am just so glad i took the plunge. I have one item that’s supposed to show my stomach and i thought i would hate it but it has the opposite effect. I will certainly take all your advice and experiences and keep the conversation with the oh going as i need him to understand im bored of being dominant all the time and he needs to take control at least some times. Thanks everyone

    1534190593
    Sparklybunny [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 14 Dec 2016

    Great news - so pleased it's working out for you.

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