1. How to be dominant in bed?

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    Jipstar [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 1
    • Joined: 20 Jan 2018

    Hi all My current beau is submissive and I'm a little nervous about being dominant. Perhaps it doesn't come naturally to me.. I don't know... Anyway, I would appreciate some tips on where to start, what to say, what to do and so on. Thanks!

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    kelly_michelle [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 240
    • Joined: 15 Apr 2008

    My best advice is to talk to your partner. The term “submissive” can often mean slightly different things to different people so you need to find out how they define submissive. Are they looking to be submissive just in the bedroom or outside the bedroom as well? Do they enjoy bondage (being restrained), pain, sensation play (think temperature, feathers, pinwheels etc), being humiliated, watersports or being “forced” into sex acts? Or something else entirely. Is there anything they don’t want? Once you know that, you can look to plan what you would like to do. Otherwise, you could get a plan in your head that you think is great, but they don’t enjoy because it wasn’t how they pictured kinky play and that will dent your confidence.

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    MissTerror [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 109
    • Joined: 23 Apr 2012

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^ This. 100%.

    Making sure you know what they like and where the boundaries lie is so incredibly important. Dominance and submission is all about trust so please make sure this is there throughout.

    Some people are naturally dominant, others are not. If you are nervous, then it is something you should definitely integrate into the bedroom slowly. Even verbal cues such as sit down, don't touch me, don't speak to me or orders such as kiss my feet are good ways to get comfortable with the feeling of power. For your side of things, I also recommend treating yourself to something nice that makes you feel sexy and strong because a fair amount of dominance is the attitude that comes with telling someone what to do and how to be.

    Most people tend to try light bondage when they first try to be dom/sub, i.e. cuffs, restraints, gags. These are generic go tos for first timers and it is good for you and your partner to shop together (I know people who love being gagged, but do not like the ball gags - they prefer o-rings or horse bits. You have to make sure everyone involved is comfortable and enjoys every part.

    Shopping together in general is a nice touch unless you want to surprise your partner (only when you know they are comfortable with things).

    As another note, has your partner watched anything they can suggest to you that they liked the look of or do you watch anything together? There is a range of levels online obviously and I would highly recommend avoiding anything too extreme or overacted because you don't want to put any pressure in that way if that makes sense? But it can be useful to get a hint if comfortable. 

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