1. Psychological impotence/erectile dysfunction

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    DaveCanHasFun [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello!

    As you can tell by the title, this one is a little personal and I have to go back a bit to explain. Bear with me!

    Way back as a late teenager being offered the chance to lose my virginity I found that I couldn't do it. As soon as my cock got near I lost my erection and just couldn't get it back. Credit to the girl in question, we actually stayed together and tried a few more times but again, couldn't do it! We eventually broke up.

    I did succeed in losing my virginity with a one night stand but encountered the same problem with subsequent, more serious girlfriends. This includes the woman who would become my wife. She was extremely patient with me and accepted that the problem lay with me, not with anything she was doing or something about her (beautiful!) looks. Through this help I got over it and in general all has been well since.

    However, over the past year or so, this problem has started to come back intermittently and this time I want to solve it!

    I know that it is psychologial at root rather than physical. I have always suffered from self esteem issues and regular depressive phases. I take Citalopram for these and am starting on a CBT course soon to attempt to work through these. As it happens with girls I care about, admire or feel are out of my league I believe that the root cause is that I simply don't feel good enough to be with that person and therefore how could I be good enough to have sex with them!

    I wanted to ask if anyone else has suffered from these issues and if you managed to solve it. If there are any courses or books that might help or lovemaking techniques to mitigate. I am no longer moritified when it happens, I try and view the exerience with detatched interest but it is very tedious!

    I hope this isn't too personal or too much of a downer for here. There's a lot of very friendly and helpful people on these forums so I thought it was worth the risk to ask!

    Thanks for reading,

    Dave

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    Fun&Funky [sign in to see picture]
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    So sorry your going through this. Hopefully someone will Be her soon to give you some advice x

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    Wide-awake [sign in to see picture]
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    Have the problems re-emerged since you started citalopram? I ask because SSRI drugs are known to cause sexual dysfunction in some people. I hope you find a way to deal with this. Fingers crossed someone else will be able to give you helpful suggestions 🤞

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    K&c30's [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Dave, I think this is certainly something most men have been through at some point. Either just the once or a few times. It's happened here so you are not alone.

    Is it only when you are with a partner or is it when alone too? Something that may be worth a try is a cock pump and an adjustable cock ring. With the cock ring being adjustable you can pump and then tighten the ring to keep the erection.

    I really hope the new course of treatment works for you. 

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    rockstar [sign in to see picture]
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    My erectile dysfunction originally had a physical cause (low testosterone level) but remained even after hormone replacement therapy restored my testosterone to the correct level. The problem had become psychological due to a lack of confidence and continued  fear of failure. I could maintain an erection perfectly when masturbating alone but not with my partner. 

    My doctor suggested Sildanofil (Viagra) and although I was initially reluctant I accepted his advice and thankfully it has largely cured the problem,

    The sildanofil effectively guaranteed a stable erection with no fear of failure and after a few uses my confidence began to return to the extent that I rarely need it now.

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    DaveCanHasFun [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you all! There's some helpful advice here.

    Regarding Citalopram, I have read that information and am considering coming off it. Partially on the off chance it is affecting me but mainly cause I've been using it for nearly four years now and I don't want to be reliant on it.

    Getting to this stage (erectile dysfunction) is really a final straw for me. I need to look into a proper long term solution to anxiety and depression so I think I'm looking at starting:

    1) Excersise! Totally dropped off after our first child

    2) Meditation! Everyone raves about that

    3) Magnesium suppliments. Might help!

    4) The CBT course

    I think in truth ED is a symptom of a psychological issue, not a problem in itself.

    Anyway it's good to talk about these things and hopefully soon my posts will be more sexy stuff!

    Dave

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    Wide-awake [sign in to see picture]
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    I would strongly suggest you discuss this with your GP and don't stop citalopram on your own. They may support a gradual wean or, perhaps, changing to something else. Re being reliant on it - some people need to rely on medication for their health. There is no shame in it or a sign of physical or psychological frailty (would you have the same thoughts about reliance if you were diabetic and needing insulin etc?). Perhaps it would be an idea to implement the exercise, meditation etc as well as completing CBT before thinking of coming off it. Good luck with the lifestyle changes you are intending. Sound like great plans!

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    DaveCanHasFun [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Wide-awake! I think the advice about talking to a GP before doing anything drastic is spot on. Another thought I had was cutting out porn entirely. Always used it for masturbation and I imagine it’s given me unrealistic ideas about sex and my own performance requirements. I’ll search the forums for ideas about this.

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    if you use a lot of porn for masturbation your mind can begin to need it for you to be able to get off, it can become a kind of addiction, and cause ED all on it's own. Especially if you are watching something that you would never engaging with a partner; then what you try to do with your partner, just doesn't do it for you anymore. 

    If you feel this maybe you, then google porn addiction. But it does sound more likely to be your own thoughts that are doing this, it only takes the wrong thought to pop into your mind for a micro second, and it's done, no erection.

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    Bunnybomb2015 [sign in to see picture]
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    My ex had the same problem and I usually found it was when he was particularly stressed it got worse. Actually reading this post I genuinely thought it could of been my ex that wrote it it’s so close to how he was. I can’t comment on if the problem solved itself now because as I say, he’s an ex so we split up but it was definitely worse in times of stress, also, when it happens a lot you tend to worry about it happening again, which in turn makes you lose focus and it’s more likely to happen. I was very patient with my ex over this and if he just didn’t think about it and tried to relax as much as possible before hand it would never happen. But if he came home n was all stressed or worrying about it not going up, then it would be a real struggle for him. I hope this helps

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    KingGrthy [sign in to see picture]
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    I had a bout of ED when I was in my twenties. It started because of a sexual injury with one partner but continued with my next partner. It was performance anxiety, nothing physically wrong. I saw a sex therapist for 5 sessions, 4 of them were joint sessions with my new partner (she was very understanding). The actual sessions were almost entirely about relationship building and actually were really helpful, for the ED she prescribed a therapy called Sensate Focus, look it up, it worked amazingly well, it is based on removing pressure triggers and working back up to them without the pressure aspect! I think it was supposed to be a 3 month treatment but after 6 weeks my partner and I were ready and literally never have had any re-occurence! It’s fun also, gives you an excuse to have some fun time with your partner every day!

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    DaveCanHasFun [sign in to see picture]
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    Haha Bunnybomb2015 unless this was back in the 90s I doubt it was me! It’s comforting to know that others have had similar issues though. I do think porn addiction is an element of this. Understandably since our first baby, sex has become less frequent, probably once a month and porn based masturbation has filled in the gaps for me. It’s almost always more extreme than normal sexual encounters and having read some of yourbrainonporn, a lot of the explanations on there really ring true. Especially the “death grip” masturbation technique and hunting for the perfect vid. That’s the easiest bit to deal with anyway. Now I know it’s potentially an issue, abstinence should be pretty straight forward. I do like the idea of sensate focus especially as it’s been around so long. Must be something in it so that’s on the list too! Thanks again all!

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    Justthe2ofus2007 [sign in to see picture]
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    My hubby has a few problems sometimes. For years we had sex 2-3 times a year, then this year, my sex drive came back with a bang. My hubby is older than me and for 7 months we have sex at least twice a day, the pressure to perform takes over and he looses his erection.it hits his confidence and he feels inadequate and that he’s letting me down. We’ve taken the pressure off by having nights where he just plays with me, and if the mood takes him we have sex after. It’s happens to most of us, I’m new to solo play, and I too have been watching porn to climax and I do find it really hard to climax unless it’s “perfect” it maybe I too have unrealistic expectations.

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    naughty stacey [sign in to see picture]
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    Going cold turkey on porn and masturbation can solve many issues. My OH wasn't  experiencing ED however was dribbling instead of shooting and lacked confidence taking command. After some experimenting with two week abstinences from both and returning to various levels of both we have determined that no porn and no masturbation (outside of sexy encounters of course!) combined resolves both of these issues.

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