1. My wife and her female friend

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    Sanjuro [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello again all.. I'm here just as a soundboard, really appreciate all your differing views and experiences. My wife was out with a friend on saturday night.. she sent me a text to say they had kissed For background - as I've mentioned before, my wife was abused as a teen, and there was a lot of negativity towards sexuality in her upbringing.. this has meant that we've never had a normally functioning sexual relationship - and as we met as teenagers .. thats meant neither of us has experienced that.. we are working on it.. going to counselling and things are getting better.. Ive no doubts about our relationship or her commitment to it. My wife is a bit of a condundrum because I think she is a very naturally sexual person who had terrible experiences that caused her to not explore that and to put sex under mental lock and key. Any way.. i've always thought she was bi-curious.. I know this isn't uncommon. So she comes home from her night out with her friend.. and it's almost 1.30am and I expect her to be very drunk and to help her find the bed.. Instead she sits me down, she's absolutely sober, and says that her friend kissed her .. and then her friend admitted that she had sexual feelings for her and that she wanted to take it further.. I think my wife was a bit shocked because she didn't see it coming.. her friend understands how important our relationship is.. I think she also knows that i've mentioned things before about the two of them being like lovers.. Now my wife didn't seem appalled .. she seemed a little confused.. but I know if my wife doesn't like the idea of something .. she seems keen to see where this goes.. it's clear she wanted to know how I felt .. and she made it clear that she would never want to do anything to hurt me.. For my part I've voiced my concerns.. I don't want her to start a competing relationship and she says that isn't what she wants either .. The bigger part of me thinks a) wow how sexy and b) if I want her to be more sexual it would be stupid to stop her from growing and exploring Am I being stupidly naieve? If I felt for a moment that I was uncomfortable with this I know she would stop it .. but I feel excited for her ..
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    This is a tough one and its difficult to give a diffinitve answer. I
    think you hold all the strings here and it depends on how you want to
    play it. I had a similar sitaution in my past whereby a girlfriend
    ended up getting a female patner. I saw it as competition/cheating and
    ended the relationship . If you have any negative doubts then the
    time is now to have a chat with your partner and stop it before it
    develops . If your confortable with it, then I still think you need
    to carefully monitor the situation and see how it develops. The problem
    i see is that she could develop feelings for this other woman, which may
    not be good for your existing relationship. If its just a pure sex thing
    then this may be alright subject to your approval. Some couples can live
    like this by having whats called an open relationship. This is were thay
    may have sexual partners but without ther development of feelings for
    these other people. The key to all of this is your own feelings and you
    will need to act now on how you feel.     

    1530535965
    Sanjuro [sign in to see picture]
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    I guess that is my only fear.. I think from her point of view it's
    purely sexual curiousity... they get on very well and there's a
    connection.. but I don't know if thats enough for the other woman..
    although she's been keen to stress to my wife that she knows that my
    wife and I will clearly grow old together.. what if more feelings
    develop and then it causes friction on the other hand.. what if I stop
    her from doing this.. stop her from exploring things when i've always
    told her that she needs to be open .. and she doesn't do it.. it's
    something she wants to explore and out of the blue someone she trusts
    says she wants her.. Life is for living and I don't want to stop her
    from having an amazing experience .. that could enrich our relationship
    .. on the other hand I don't want to feel like I mugged myself a few
    months down the line

    1530536845
    MrGoodGuy [sign in to see picture]
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    Two's company, 3 a crowd, as they say. My thoughts are that this is
    going to be very new and exciting for her, full of electricity. A honey
    moon period perhaps. Is she going to see you/ heterosexual sex the
    same again? What if she prefers being bi, where does that leave you?
    Lots of risks involved. Most/all of us have sexual fantasies / cravings
    / desires etc, and I suppose that's fine until it crosses boundaries.
    What she's asking for could change your relationship permanently, and
    not in a good way. What starts as being sure, could develop and change
    So when you are sitting on your own in your new flat wishing you'd not
    agreed........ Speak to her about it and explain your love for her is
    special, and bringing in a 3rd party may well dilute that bond. If she
    loves you, she'll understand that sharing her could prove a disaster,
    and should stay as a fantasy

    1530537874

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    Sanjuro wrote:" I guess that is my only fear.. I think from her point of view it's purely sexual curiousity... they get on very well and there's a connection.. but I don't know if thats enough for the other woman.. although she's been keen to stress to my wife that she knows that my wife and I will clearly grow old together.. what if more feelings develop and then it causes friction on the other hand.. what if I stop her from doing this.. stop her from exploring things when i've always told her that she needs to be open .. and she doesn't do it.. it's something she wants to explore and out of the blue someone she trusts says she wants her.. Life is for living and I don't want to stop her from having an amazing experience .. that could enrich our relationship .. on the other hand I don't want to feel like I mugged myself a few months down the line "........................................................................................................................................................................... Thats why I was cautious about giving a difinitve answer because I can't. You will probably need to act based on how you feel . I can only see someone getting hurt from this"Love triangle"  arrangment. The "friend" certainly if your partner doesnt show any feelings towards her. If she does then you can possibly be hurt from this arrangement. You must act to make sure it isn't you. Edited due to forum going a little wonky
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    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
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    From reading your post I can see your partner is shocked and life isn’t
    a porno so this could actually be something to push her away from same
    sex interaction. I believe it’s fine as a couple or solo to explore your
    sexuality as long as you both trust eachother and set some boundaries
    which may make things more comfortable. My partner and myself have
    discussed our feelings towards same sex relationships and feelings and
    we have a close friend who we have fooled around with when drunk and
    it’s been fine. But we know all three of us have the exact same motives.
    Your situation is slightly different, your partner doesn’t seem to be
    sure what she would like to do which in my head shows massive warning
    signs to hold fire, the friend actually has feelings which could just be
    lust but If they decide to fool around it could confuse and upset her
    etc. I think you need to let them both discuss the situation and not
    push anything. Kissing when drunk on a night out is fine but if a friend
    says they have feelings and you abuse that situation because your
    curious it’s not really right. If your partner however does seem excited
    about the situation and the friend knows it’s strictly a one night thing
    with no strings attached then let things happen. It’s not naive or bad
    to be concerned about this situation, I know plenty of friends who have
    let their girlfriend or partner have a threesome with another girl and
    then regretted it massively, either because of jealousy or just
    realising the situation was super uncomfortable or awkward etc. Only you
    can tell if it’s going to make you feel happy, sad, jealous or confused
    etc.

    1530545250
    Sanjuro [sign in to see picture]
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    I’m not hearing great experiences here.. I guess it’s the implication on everyone’s emotions
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    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Sanjuro, it’s completely different situations and scenarios which means
    all different emotions will be involved. From my experience if someone
    has and emotional connect with someone and have real feelings, then it
    would be unfair to dangle things in front of them and confuse the
    situation more. If your partner and her friend are just curious and want
    to have a little fun then as long as you both speak about boundaries and
    are comfortable then everyone should have the freedom to experience
    things in life. Me and my partner have set rules and we communicate
    without any blurred lines which just make everything easier. If you
    feel comfortable with your partner getting jiggy with her friend and she
    wants to experiment, then make sure she lets her friend knows it’s a bit
    of fun and she doesn’t want anything further. Once you cross a line with
    a friend it can be hard to go back.

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    K&c30's [sign in to see picture]
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    I think the that only you know your relationship well enough to know if
    this would work for you or not. There are so many people out there that
    enjoy an open relationship. If you think it could work for you and you
    are ok with it emotionally then it could work. It's great that your wife
    came to you and talked to you about it openly. You have mentioned that
    you are seeing a counsiler maybe worth bringing it up in a session to
    seek advise there. I don't think i would be open to this situation if
    i am perfectly honest. I wouldn't want her to have that emotional and
    sexual connection with another person.

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    K&c30's [sign in to see picture]
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    The main question i would ask is, where will this go if she enjoys it?
    If you buy a toy and it works wonders you don't just put it in the back
    of the drawer and never use it again.

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