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  1. Abstaining advice?

    Justthe2ofus2007 [sign in to see picture]
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    So as most of you know, my sex drive took an almighty turn around around from 2-3 times a year, to every night . This past 6 months has taken its toll on my hubby. He’s absolutely shattered. He works long hours and has a very physical job. He’s tried his best, but it’s effecting our marriage. We live in a bungalow so solo play isn’t an option as there isn’t anywhere I can play “alone” my hubbys tired so playing in bed next to him isn’t an option. my only other option is to abstain. My hubbys feeling like he’s letting me down, and the pressure is upsetting him. I’m new to self loving and I just can’t climax on my own. I end up more frustrated trying. My hubbys suggested that I abstain from sexual activity, maybe i stop, the “need” will eventually go?
    Has anyone else had similar issues? Any tips on how to stop the sexual frustration?
    Any tips on how to cope with abstaining ?

    JoJoXxX [sign in to see picture]
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    Can you not reach a happy medium ? Seems drastic to totally abstain when it is something you feel you need ? Iv not been in your situation so would be wronge for me to judge or assume but could that not put further stain on your relationship? Would you get sexually frustrated and then you general mood deteriorate ? Causing non physical but emotional relationship issues ?
    Has he said he won't no sex at all ? Or just abstaining from individual play ?
    Think of the financial hit lovehoney will face if you stop playing !!!!! Just teasing.
    Hope you work out whatever it is that is best for the pair of you.

    Fun&Funky [sign in to see picture]
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    I’m not sure what to suggest either hun, I worry abstaining will cause problems like JoJo said but also as you say it’s causing problems this way too with hubby being exhausted because of work. Would it be worth speaking to a marriage counselor / couples sex therapist to see if you can find a balance. Obviously it’s all come on suddenly so you’ve kind of both been in a whirl wind.

    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
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    My advice is to seek marriage counselling, most are trained sex therapists as well. In England there is Relate, Scotland there is Relationship Scotland. They are definitely worth a look into and a discussion about it with the husband.

    Personally I do not think abstaining is the answer. One day will become a week, a week into a month and so on until you are back in the miserable situation you were in. A marriage is a partnership so you need to find that middle ground. You cannot do what he wants just because he says so. Talk to him and find that middle ground.

    I suffer from anxiety and depression which is paired nicely with a bit of insomnia and exhaustion. Whilst my husband could go every night I could not so we settle on weekly. It's enough for both of us, he knows it's only x amount of days and as do I. It's not romantic and spontaneous but it works.

    Justthe2ofus2007 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 4 Mar 2018

    Thanks all.
    Sorry just wanted to clear something up. My hubbys physically tired, he works really long hours, and he just needs a break from having to perform. I’m hoping if I can abstain during the week, maybe he’ll get the rest he deserves, and maybe he might not be so tired on the weekends. As I can’t orgasam on my own, he usually has to finish me off, and again that’s not fair when he just wants a break.

    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey! Thought I’d would just pop in and ask if you have tried any other toys? As you say that solo play doesn’t work for you, maybe watching porn as an added visual treat or using something like a womanizer will work?

    The starlet is fantastic and quick so you could do it anywhere in the house. Or have you thought about shower or bathtime play? I think forcing yourself to abstain from sexual activities could work, but like someone going on a diet it’s going to make you think about things more. I had a huge issue when I was younger with porn and found that abstaining was the worst thing to do, I would stop for a few days and then have solo sessions a lot of times in a single day which was really not healthy. So I designated wank days, and it worked for me. So I would allow myself to go solo Monday/Wednesday/Friday and slowly I gained a lot of self control. So if looking at different toys isn’t an option, I would designate yourself a few days in the week and use them as your special days. I hope it all works out for you and your hubby manages to get some rest so you can get back on track.

    Obviously counselling is a healthy and good way to approach the subject too, they can look at all sorts of areas of your relationship and even if you just do one or two sessions it may help.

    Justthe2ofus2007 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi ya,
    I’m relatively new to solo play, I’ve had a difficult past, working on that currently.
    I have lots of toys, most we use as a couple and are brilliant. When using solo I just can’t reach orgasam. We’re in a retirement bungalow. We bought it thinking we’d never have children, Now we have 2 sharing a room 😂 bath time is a no go as my eldest is in and out the loo like a yoyo. She can’t hold herself, so when she needs to go, she just bursts in!

    I’m currently saving for the womaniser as I think it would be perfect.

    Mostly all of it, is guilt, I feel guilty for wanting it so much. Me & hubby have worked very hard this past 6 months, and I’m worried I’m ruining it for him. He’s so tired, then he gets angry that I’m pestering, wondering if I try and abstain Monday - Friday, he gets his much needed sleep and hopefully use the weekend as sex time.

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