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  1. Hit a wall!

    Lozz [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 96
    • Joined: 3 Jan 2015

    So lately my OH just doesn't seem to be in the swing if things. We go to bed I try it on and nothing seems to happen, the last 4 weeks or more seems to be a lot of 'sorry I'm not in he mood' yeah we have a little kiss and a cuddle but nothing more and I'm really frustrated! And I seem to be the one initiating all of the time!!! To no avail really. Sorry just need a rant and a moan and I'm feeling pretty fed up with the lack of sex and the lack of connection

    JoJoXxX [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 637
    • Joined: 2 Nov 2011

    Hey Lozz
    Sorry to hear things are preety bleak at the moment. Hope things pick up soon !

    Lozz [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 96
    • Joined: 3 Jan 2015

    Thanks JoJoXxX me too, getting a bit fed up and wondering what I'm doing wrong really (if anything) I'm just lying here 🙈

    JoJoXxX [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 637
    • Joined: 2 Nov 2011

    Chances are Hun your not doing anything wronge. Don't blame yourself for someone else's mood. All you can do is talk and tell him how you feel and see if you can get to the bottom of it. Maybe he is stressed ? Having issues down stairs that he is embarrassed about or plain knackared. He should give you some idea what's up though as that's not fair to leave you worrying. Is he normaly someone who initiates sex ?
    Fingers crossed it's jut a dry spell that a lot of us end up facing at some point.

    Justthe2ofus2007 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1445
    • Joined: 4 Mar 2018

    Hoping things will work out for you x
    Maybe have some time to sit and discuss how your both feeling ? X

    Hugs x

    Fun&Funky [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 656
    • Joined: 14 Jun 2016

    Is he suffering from depression / anxiety / stress? Does he normally Initiate things?

    There a whole host of reasons some simply he’s tired etx to medical reasons to crappy stuff. I think your best bet is to try to talk to him calmly, and non judgmentally /non blaming etc

    If he does normally initiate possibly something along the lines of hey Mr Lozz, how you feeling? How’s work etc. if he says all is well, I’d possibly just say I’ve just been a bit worried that you haven’t be interested in being intimate for a few weeks etc, I love it when we really connect with each other and I wanted you to know if there is anything wrong, I want to be there and that I can help with / support you with I’m here.

    Gran [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 361
    • Joined: 2 Jun 2018

    I love the empathy and good advice on this forum. Thank you everyone for creating a safe and caring community.
    I have one thing to add, lozz, to the sound advice already given - if you're frustrated, try playing by yourself for a bit, and give him some space to work out whatever's going on for him. If you can satisfy yourself for a while (I know it's not the same) you won't feel needy, and it will be easier to talk when he feels able. And if there are things worrying him, you trying to initiate sex is probably the last thing he needs. Just be there for cuddles and support, and let him know he can talk to you.
    Wishing you the best processing, the best solo play and good talks. And of course the best outcome.
    X Gran

    Jezebella [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 577
    • Joined: 7 Jun 2015

    Hi Loz,

    I just wanted to say that I've been to and I empathize. It's really hard when a sexual partner suddenly becomes uninterested in sex. I know when it first happened to me it hurt my self esteem. However, I've since realised that my sex drive is higher than some people s and that's okay. I've also had a partner go off sex because of stress, and I think that's a common problem.

    I delt with this issue by talking to my partner in a non sexual context with it, mainly I was just letting him know I would like it if he told me whenever he felt horny so I could take advantage of that. I also stopped trying to "come on" to him, instead I just asked him frankly if he would like to have sex. That way, if he wasn't in the mood, I didn't feel like my sexual advances had been shot down and I didn't take it so personally.

    I hope this is helpful. Have a chat with him, sometimes people aren't aware that they are feeling stressed or down until they start chatting.

    Best wishes xx

    FindingLibido [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 35
    • Joined: 23 Nov 2005

    Jezebella has good advice there.

    Having been that person (see username) a lot of the issues were mine and I didn't realise the impact my behaviour was having on my wife until it all blew up one night and we had a proper talk.

    Much of it was rooted in a miscommunication about readiness but a larger part was that my libido had collapsed. I didn't feel attractive and couldn't understand why my wife found me attractive. I got hung up on stuff she didn't care about.

    Jezebella's point about being open is good as it cuts through ambiguity and allows permission for refusal without it being a rejection of the person asking. Often the "I don't want sex" can get interpreted as "I don't want sex with you" when it may not be that.

    I hope you get a chance to reconnect.

    rockstar [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 147
    • Joined: 7 Aug 2010

    I have suffered from periods of stress and depression for the last 30 years or so and during these times my libido completely disappears.

    Since depression is not always visible to others and I was reluctant to discuss the problem my wife used to get quite upset.

    Nowadays I have come to recognise the onset symtoms and I communicate this to her immediately so that no upset is caused and we can both wait it out till I return to what I laughingly call normal.

    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2207
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2005

    Plenty of advice already been given and I’m sorry to hear things are the way they are at the moment. The biggest and most sure way of knowing what’s going on is talk about things, if your quite a new relationship then it’s obviously hard and sometimes people just don’t have much motivation or sex drive which is really frustrating as it can cause so many problems even though no one is to blame.
    The most important thing is your doing nothing wrong at all, we all get urges and at least your trying to push things to happen in the bedroom which shows you find your partner attractive.

    He could be suffering from tired, anxiety, depression etc or he could just be over heated in this glorious sunshine. Maybe something at work has changed and he is feeling more stressed than normal, or maybe he has been sorting himself out during the day?. Try and not let it eat away at your or cause any upset, especially to your self confidence. Whenever me and my partner has had a dry patch it’s usually due to work, stress or something similar or when I purchased a wand for the first time and she was pretty damn satisfied for a while! Ha. I hope you manage to get answers and things feel better for you soon x

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