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  1. How many partners have you had

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    My number is one. WandA was my first and in many ways I'm glad of that, but I wouldn't be bothered if the number was higher. It's nice that we shared a lot of firsts though!

    And of course I will never regret how I lost my V because the relationship is and has been a very happy and significant one in my life, even if we ever split!

    So to me there are a great many benefits, but I do feel that people look down on us when I say he's my first - like our relationship can never mean a lot because we've not experienced other people. I feel I have to explain our relationship more than we should because we were young when we got together and we were each other's first partners.

    Adx

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    cala [sign in to see picture]
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    i have 4

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    telemachus [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    My number is one. WandA was my first and in many ways I'm glad of that, but I wouldn't be bothered if the number was higher. It's nice that we shared a lot of firsts though!

    And of course I will never regret how I lost my V because the relationship is and has been a very happy and significant one in my life, even if we ever split!

    So to me there are a great many benefits, but I do feel that people look down on us when I say he's my first - like our relationship can never mean a lot because we've not experienced other people. I feel I have to explain our relationship more than we should because we were young when we got together and we were each other's first partners.

    Adx

    I think that once you get to a certain age, numbers don't matter any more. It's easy to get caught up in numbers and experience, but 10 years down the line, when you have been with your partner for that long, or you are married with a family, it is not a question that anyone ever asks you.

    It's silly really, it makes no difference to me if HS was my first or fifth. Because the four before him had no bearing on how the sex was like with him. Maybe things would be different if I were older when I met him, or the number had been much greater, but to me, the previous had no bearing on him.

    But like I say, as long as you are happy together, in 10 years time, it will only be nice that you have only had each other. No-one else will comment on such things as when you are married and in your 30's you don't start asking people about their previous fucks and making judgements about such things being wrong or not. The range of issues on which people feel free to judge and comment on never fails to astound me.

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    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    telemachus wrote:

    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    My number is one. WandA was my first and in many ways I'm glad of that, but I wouldn't be bothered if the number was higher. It's nice that we shared a lot of firsts though!

    And of course I will never regret how I lost my V because the relationship is and has been a very happy and significant one in my life, even if we ever split!

    So to me there are a great many benefits, but I do feel that people look down on us when I say he's my first - like our relationship can never mean a lot because we've not experienced other people. I feel I have to explain our relationship more than we should because we were young when we got together and we were each other's first partners.

    Adx

    I think that once you get to a certain age, numbers don't matter any more. It's easy to get caught up in numbers and experience, but 10 years down the line, when you have been with your partner for that long, or you are married with a family, it is not a question that anyone ever asks you.

    It's silly really, it makes no difference to me if HS was my first or fifth. Because the four before him had no bearing on how the sex was like with him. Maybe things would be different if I were older when I met him, or the number had been much greater, but to me, the previous had no bearing on him.

    But like I say, as long as you are happy together, in 10 years time, it will only be nice that you have only had each other. No-one else will comment on such things as when you are married and in your 30's you don't start asking people about their previous fucks and making judgements about such things being wrong or not. The range of issues on which people feel free to judge and comment on never fails to astound me.

    Nobody has ever commented or looked down on the fact that he is my first. Then again I would tell them where to stick it. It shouldnt be about numbers but how you feel or felt at the time.

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    telemachus wrote:

    I think that once you get to a certain age, numbers don't matter any more. It's easy to get caught up in numbers and experience, but 10 years down the line, when you have been with your partner for that long, or you are married with a family, it is not a question that anyone ever asks you.

    It's silly really, it makes no difference to me if HS was my first or fifth. Because the four before him had no bearing on how the sex was like with him. Maybe things would be different if I were older when I met him, or the number had been much greater, but to me, the previous had no bearing on him.

    But like I say, as long as you are happy together, in 10 years time, it will only be nice that you have only had each other. No-one else will comment on such things as when you are married and in your 30's you don't start asking people about their previous fucks and making judgements about such things being wrong or not. The range of issues on which people feel free to judge and comment on never fails to astound me.

    That's the bit that's wrong - people shouldn't discount our relationship because we're young - there should be no "in ten years time". We've been together for 5 years, people shouldn't still be looking down on us and I know that number of sexual partners isn't something people ask about but it is something inferred from us being each other's first partners.

    Adx

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    AnalLover [sign in to see picture]
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    Just the one for me... the lovely lady who is now my wife

    I was never any good at getting beyond being "a really good friend" with women and had resigned myself to a life of eternal bachelorhood when things just kinda happened. We'd known each other (through a university amateur dramatics society) for about 3 years and we chose a point in time 4 weeks before I had to go to Germany for 6 months to get together! *lol* We stayed together though and now have two lovely boys.

    My wife sometimes gets paranoid that I'll go off after someone else 'cos I've never done any "wild-oat-spreading" (to quote Friends) but I have no regrets at all.

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    That's the bit that's wrong - people shouldn't discount our relationship because we're young - there should be no "in ten years time". We've been together for 5 years, people shouldn't still be looking down on us and I know that number of sexual partners isn't something people ask about but it is something inferred from us being each other's first partners.

    Adx

    To be completely honest I've only ever directly noticed this opinion from your mum...

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    MasqueradeMinx wrote:

    Nobody has ever commented or looked down on the fact that he is my first. Then again I would tell them where to stick it. It shouldnt be about numbers but how you feel or felt at the time.

    It's not something that is commented on so I can't pull anyone up on it.

    As an example - noone (in my family) was particularly pleased for us when we got engaged, I had a teacher who went on and on about how I shouldn't be settled in a relationship so young and when you say to people "I'm 20" and later go on to say "I'm engaged" or "I've been with my partner 5 years" or something along those lines - you can tell by the look on the face of the people who've picked up on it disapprove.

    And people will talk to you about relationships like you don't understand anything about them, even when you've had a very successful one for a long period of time.

    Adx

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    That's the bit that's wrong - people shouldn't discount our relationship because we're young - there should be no "in ten years time". We've been together for 5 years, people shouldn't still be looking down on us and I know that number of sexual partners isn't something people ask about but it is something inferred from us being each other's first partners.

    Adx

    To be completely honest I've only ever directly noticed this opinion from your mum...

    You have said before though that sometimes you speak to people and feel you have to "justify" yourself with regards to me - maybe you pick up on that "look" because you are aware of my mum's feelings, or maybe we're both more paranoid because of my mum but I've found in certain groups I feel judged by people I speak to.

    Adx

    1285187157
    telemachus [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    telemachus wrote:

    I think that once you get to a certain age, numbers don't matter any more. It's easy to get caught up in numbers and experience, but 10 years down the line, when you have been with your partner for that long, or you are married with a family, it is not a question that anyone ever asks you.

    It's silly really, it makes no difference to me if HS was my first or fifth. Because the four before him had no bearing on how the sex was like with him. Maybe things would be different if I were older when I met him, or the number had been much greater, but to me, the previous had no bearing on him.

    But like I say, as long as you are happy together, in 10 years time, it will only be nice that you have only had each other. No-one else will comment on such things as when you are married and in your 30's you don't start asking people about their previous fucks and making judgements about such things being wrong or not. The range of issues on which people feel free to judge and comment on never fails to astound me.

    That's the bit that's wrong - people shouldn't discount our relationship because we're young - there should be no "in ten years time". We've been together for 5 years, people shouldn't still be looking down on us and I know that number of sexual partners isn't something people ask about but it is something inferred from us being each other's first partners.

    Adx

    Sorry - my point about youth was not directed at you and your youth. I am talking about the people that make assumptions. That you will find as you get older, your friends won't make such assumptions any more, as they will also be older. That as you and your peers get older, it's not generally something that you discuss, as you go on with your life, it isn't relevant any more. If there are already people who make such assumptions and they are older, well then, you are never going to change them and they are just cocks. And there will always be those, everywhere.

    There is just something about relationships for the under 25's that makes people think that they can comment. It's one of those things. Everyone thinks they know better, that they have wisdom to share, that you are somehow living their life. Nobboids.

    I think the best way to deal with it is to simply say that it isn't anyone's business whether you are each others first partners or not. It is not uncommon. Plenty of people only have one partner, and plenty of people have beliefs that mean they wait for marriage, so thet generally only have one partner.

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    As an example - noone (in my family) was particularly pleased for us when we got engaged, I had a teacher who went on and on about how I shouldn't be settled in a relationship so young and when you say to people "I'm 20" and later go on to say "I'm engaged" or "I've been with my partner 5 years" or something along those lines - you can tell by the look on the face of the people who've picked up on it disapprove.

    Adx

    You say no one but the older and more distant members of your fam were more accepting. The older one's are likely those with more life experience or those who know getting married at 20 and staying so until dead can work.

    What annoys me is how I am rather rational and do nothing that can be considered trivial or off the cuff. I have plans and rough timescales, my age and rationality are unrelated (excluding possible dementia).

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    telemachus wrote:

    Sorry - my point about youth was not directed at you and your youth. I am talking about the people that make assumptions. That you will find as you get older, your friends won't make such assumptions any more, as they will also be older. That as you and your peers get older, it's not generally something that you discuss, as you go on with your life, it isn't relevant any more. If there are already people who make such assumptions and they are older, well then, you are never going to change them and they are just cocks. And there will always be those, everywhere.

    There is just something about relationships for the under 25's that makes people think that they can comment. It's one of those things. Everyone thinks they know better, that they have wisdom to share, that you are somehow living their life. Nobboids.

    I think the best way to deal with it is to simply say that it isn't anyone's business whether you are each others first partners or not. It is not uncommon. Plenty of people only have one partner, and plenty of people have beliefs that mean they wait for marriage, so thet generally only have one partner.

    I guess that's where my misunderstanding came from - because you were talking of young people being the problem, when in fact, I meant I have issues with older people! Not all older people of course, but when people seem judgemental, they are almost always over 30.

    You are very right though - often people think they know better, and it is noone elses business! But it is frustrating none the less - particularly, as WandA mentioned, my mum. She seems to think because she's been with her partner longer (by the way, they met at 19 and 21, married at 21 and 23 and were engaged within a year so it's not like our relationships are that different) she knows better than me. Though WandA can concur that infact, me and him have a healthier relationship than my mum and dad.

    It's a frustrating thing that seems inevitable and I hate that I feel I need to explain my relationship to people (I feel it, but I refuse to justify myself because I shouldn't have to!)

    Adx

    1285187713
    Vampyrewillow [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    MasqueradeMinx wrote:

    Nobody has ever commented or looked down on the fact that he is my first. Then again I would tell them where to stick it. It shouldnt be about numbers but how you feel or felt at the time.

    It's not something that is commented on so I can't pull anyone up on it.

    As an example - noone (in my family) was particularly pleased for us when we got engaged, I had a teacher who went on and on about how I shouldn't be settled in a relationship so young and when you say to people "I'm 20" and later go on to say "I'm engaged" or "I've been with my partner 5 years" or something along those lines - you can tell by the look on the face of the people who've picked up on it disapprove.

    And people will talk to you about relationships like you don't understand anything about them, even when you've had a very successful one for a long period of time.

    Adx

    I've spoke to you about this before Ad, i'm the same, i'm 19 my boyfriend is 18 and we have been together three years, people think we're in a childs relationship and we don't know how to be in a relationship. i have noticed when telling people i am 19 and in a 3 year long term relationship that people are always like shocked at that!

    people do sit there and try and give you relationship advice even though i've been in my relationship longer, it doesn't count because i'm younger!

    AHHH

    VW x

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    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    Well my family are happy for me and the other day they asked why I wasnt engaged (I have been with my OH for 18 months)
    I havent been given relationship advice as though I didnt know anything.

    I guess it also depends on the people around you as well.

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    BashfulBabe [sign in to see picture]
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    That attitude is one thing that bugs me. My stepmother used to belittle any real relationship I had, no matter how many years we'd been together, but then in the same breath turn around and tell me about her cousin and her husband, who had only ever even kissed each other and that was what made it special (they were together from the age of 13/15 until she died at 42, so clearly it is possible to meet "the one" at a crazy young age). She never seemed to get the craziness of saying that I should 'save' myself for the right person, and that i couldn't possibly know if bloke-of-the-time was that one, by citing a couple who got together much younger than me and had a fairytale life (at the time, obviously the cancer was less magical-ish).

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    Vampyrewillow [sign in to see picture]
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    I've never experienced the attitude with family, my family is pretty much live and let live!

    it's people i meet in placement or college, people who don't even know me, just because they're off sleeping with a different boy every week doesn't mean i want to. i firmly believe i have met the one, and if anything does happen i will hold my head up high and say so what if we broke up, we had a good time and it was worth it!

    VW x

    1285189579
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    Vampyrewillow wrote:

    I've never experienced the attitude with family, my family is pretty much live and let live!

    it's people i meet in placement or college, people who don't even know me, just because they're off sleeping with a different boy every week doesn't mean i want to. i firmly believe i have met the one, and if anything does happen i will hold my head up high and say so what if we broke up, we had a good time and it was worth it!

    VW x

    Thats a great attitude to have.

    Some people are so rude, its worse when they dont even know you. I would have said fuck off slut. But then again it really gets my back up.

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    BashfulBabe wrote:

    That attitude is one thing that bugs me. My stepmother used to belittle any real relationship I had, no matter how many years we'd been together, but then in the same breath turn around and tell me about her cousin and her husband, who had only ever even kissed each other and that was what made it special (they were together from the age of 13/15 until she died at 42, so clearly it is possible to meet "the one" at a crazy young age). She never seemed to get the craziness of saying that I should 'save' myself for the right person, and that i couldn't possibly know if bloke-of-the-time was that one, by citing a couple who got together much younger than me and had a fairytale life (at the time, obviously the cancer was less magical-ish).

    That is what confuses me. It can happen, does happen but only to the ones you think it will happen to...

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    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
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    Ecksvie wrote:

    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    Ecksvie wrote:

    One.

    One? Wow. That would be lovely. I'm all for experience, but there are a few people (actually all the one night stands) I wish I hadn't bothered with.

    Yup! I never really had any sex drive through my teens and onwards, and it wasn't until I got my first and only boyfriend that it came out. I'd seen so many of my friends completely messing up sex and relationships and I never wanted to be that way (which I've actually written a long blog post about :P). I never found anyone else that I could have loved and cared for. I wouldn't have gone into a relationship if I wasnt sure it was gonna work, and even though I did start feeling sexual urges later on, I had higher principles than to sleep around just for sex. Luckily though, my OH is up for just about anything I care to ask him to try with me, so I dont feel like I've lost out at all.

    One.. and with the same sort of reasoning. =] Only he's the one that's wanting me to try new things. I'm a little more cautious but that kind of goes in the heat of things.

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    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    Ecksvie wrote:

    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    Ecksvie wrote:

    One.

    One? Wow. That would be lovely. I'm all for experience, but there are a few people (actually all the one night stands) I wish I hadn't bothered with.

    Yup! I never really had any sex drive through my teens and onwards, and it wasn't until I got my first and only boyfriend that it came out. I'd seen so many of my friends completely messing up sex and relationships and I never wanted to be that way (which I've actually written a long blog post about :P). I never found anyone else that I could have loved and cared for. I wouldn't have gone into a relationship if I wasnt sure it was gonna work, and even though I did start feeling sexual urges later on, I had higher principles than to sleep around just for sex. Luckily though, my OH is up for just about anything I care to ask him to try with me, so I dont feel like I've lost out at all.


    I've also only had one. I agree completely with what you are saying and thats exactly how I felt and still do

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