1. Fear of remaining single

    1528898737
    PinkVixen90 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 77
    • Joined: 28 Oct 2015

    Lately I'm really starting to fear that I'm never going to meet anyone. At first the idea of having a boyfriend never really bothered me but l'm finding now that most people are happily in a relationship and it is starting to bother me. Sometimes while I'm at work, it's all I can think about. I have very low self esteem and have always considered myself plain and boring.

    I don't want to rush into a relationship but at the same time I keep obsessing about things I would like to do with a man that I fear will always be a fantasy and never a reality. I just wish I were more confident. It's weird because while I do want to meet someone, the idea of actually meeting someone really scares me as I find people in general can sometimes be quite intimidating. I'm starting to worry that there could be something wrong with me for feeling this way.

    I am sexting someone at the moment that I know I will never meet due to the distance between us but I can't stop sending him pictures of myself because I feel that if I loose his interest I will have no one and also I quite enjoy doing it. Somehow though I still find myself lacking confidence in my appearance despite him complimenting me.

    Sorry for going on so much people but I needed somewhere to get it off my chest. Think I will cheer myself up tomorrow by putting in a big Lovehoney order. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1528899417

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7742
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    A similar situation was given to a Relationship Guru on a morning programme whilst I was working from home.

    His idea was and I can see the rationale behind it was to socialise by joining similar interest groups . These can be weightloss groups, book clubs or hobby groups . By joining a group it would help over the confidence issue and help you to socialise . Small steps as they say.

    So do you have a passion about a hobby that you could share with others?

    You avi is very similar to a past members avi and at first I thought it was her who was posting .

    1528900087
    VanillaWithSprinkles [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 316
    • Joined: 14 Feb 2018

    It happens at different times for everyone, I had my first (and only) boyfriend at 22 and to be honest he was more trouble than he was worth. We were only together for 3 months but I am still dealing with the repurcussions of that relationship now, 4 months after it ended.

    I understand how hard it is to see others in relationships. I am usually the only single one out of my friends, with the majority of them being in relatiosnhips that have lasted 3+ years.

    However, when we look at our friends relationships, we only see the good stuff, the stuff they want the public to see. You don't see the fights, the cheating etc. Yeah a relationship is nice but after being in a bad one, being single is honestly better.

    People have always said my standards are too high, and I'll never find anyone being that way. But I would rather wait and find the right person, someone who accepts me completely for who I am and never asks me to change, than rush into something for the sake of it. At the moment I am dating and having casual sex and that is working for me fine, I get the closeness of being with another person without the upkeep of a relationship. Not all of my friends support this lifestyle but it works for me and I am happy doing this until the right person comes along.

    If you desperately wanted a relationship likelihood is that you'd be able to get into one whenever, however looks like you are holding out for a good one and that's not something you can rush! Have faith, it'll happen.

    1528900328
    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7265
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2015

    When I was younger and all my friends had boyfriends and I didn’t, I remember feeling similar to this and worrying that it would never happen for me. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you for worrying about this at all. I think it’s normal to have thoughts like this when you’re single and the people around you are experiencing things that you haven’t yet.

    I believe there is someone out there for everyone though and when you meet that person it will be worth the wait!

    1528901820
    WillC [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 788
    • Joined: 28 Jul 2012

    Pinkvixen, the advise to join groups related to things that interest you is a good one, you are more likely to find the ideal partner this way.But if i was you i`d stop sending pics to the person you`re never going to meet, that is unlikely to end well.All i can say is that your knight in shining armour is unlikely to come to you, you need to go out there and find him! He will likely be as shy as you.

    1528922408
    PinkVixen90 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 77
    • Joined: 28 Oct 2015

    Thank you for all your kind replies. To be honest, I felt a bit guilty about posting my concerns because I don't want it to have a negetive affect on anyone in the same situation as me. At the same time though I'm glad I can feel free to talk confidentially to people on here as I find the advice given makes me feel better in myself.

    Thanks once again people. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1528922576
    PinkVixen90 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 77
    • Joined: 28 Oct 2015

    mysteron wrote:

    A similar situation was given to a Relationship Guru on a morning programme whilst I was working from home.

    His idea was and I can see the rationale behind it was to socialise by joining similar interest groups . These can be weightloss groups, book clubs or hobby groups . By joining a group it would help over the confidence issue and help you to socialise . Small steps as they say.

    So do you have a passion about a hobby that you could share with others?

    You avi is very similar to a past members avi and at first I thought it was her who was posting .

    I have been interested in joining a class at my local gym. I also love to read in my spare time so maybe I could look round for a book club.

    1528932479
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2147
    • Joined: 27 Feb 2010

    I'm still alone 33 years after a very bad relationship, I've tried a couple of times over the years but just got used. Had a FWB, but that only lasted a few months. Now there's no chance of me ever having kids I've all but given up.

    Especially now I've decided that I needed to stop hiding who I really am, and about to start my transition and begin HRT. With this I've shrunk the dating pool for me down to almost zero; but at least I know I'm going to be feeling happier in my own skin.

    I hope you find what you are looking for; just don't waste half a life time like I have. But don't try too hard, it's worse than not trying at all; confidence not desperation will attract someone. I made that mistake too.

    1528939300
    Caritas [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 131
    • Joined: 4 Jun 2018

    I am 43 and still a virgin I spent most of my adult life looking after my parents and never had time my father died in February and it has made me think about my life but I don't have the confidence to change I feel it is too late

    1528941715
    kelly_michelle [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 248
    • Joined: 15 Apr 2008

    It is one of those things that when you are feeling down because you are single, everyone seems to be coupled up. The minute you get into a relationship, it will probably feel like everyone is single!

    In my opinion, you need to work on you. If you are happy and comfortable in your own skin, it will show and it will attract people. If your low self esteem is really affecting you, have you considered talking to a professional? Sometimes even a few sessions talking to an independant person can really help reshape your perspective. There are also lots of other ways that you can try and increase your self esteem. Try changing your hair style or updating your wardrobe. As Mysteron suggests, a group or a class is a great idea as it gets you out socialising and it also gives you something to talk about outside of the group, and, depending on the type of group/class, learning new skills, developing existing skills, or achieving objectives will give you more confidence in yourself. Even just engaging in the forum here will help with confidence.

    1528980591

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7742
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    PinkVixen90 wrote:

    mysteron wrote:

    A similar situation was given to a Relationship Guru on a morning programme whilst I was working from home.

    His idea was and I can see the rationale behind it was to socialise by joining similar interest groups . These can be weightloss groups, book clubs or hobby groups . By joining a group it would help over the confidence issue and help you to socialise . Small steps as they say.

    So do you have a passion about a hobby that you could share with others?

    You avi is very similar to a past members avi and at first I thought it was her who was posting .

    I have been interested in joining a class at my local gym. I also love to read in my spare time so maybe I could look round for a book club.

    A Gym class would be a good way. There will be plenty of people of both genders there you could talk to and socialise.You obviuosly have something already in common with them ie keeping fit or working out etc. So there will be plenty of things to talk about. If you get to know some of the ladies quite well there and they are single perhaps you could go out on the town with them . Like I said small steps at first.

    You perhaps need to tweek your mindset a little. Instead of negative things like " I am always going to be single " Think of " I will find my partner some time "

    If you think your image could do with changing then perhaps a new hairdo would change you . You can do almost anything with hair thse days and it can often transform ones looks. There will be plenty of ideas on the web.

    Being single these days can be a little dauniting but it can also be very exciting times. It depends much on yourself on how you make it. But at end of the day you have got to make it happen

    Good luck .

    1528983886
    Ian Chimp [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 808
    • Joined: 27 Mar 2018

    Caritas wrote:

    I am 43 and still a virgin I spent most of my adult life looking after my parents and never had time my father died in February and it has made me think about my life but I don't have the confidence to change I feel it is too late

    I don't think it's ever too late. Obviously if you're comfortable and happy in your current situation there's absolutely no need to make any changes based on what other people think happy is, but if you are looking to try something new then there's never a better time than 'now'. It doesn't have to be anything big, even a small change can lead to lots of exciting new opportunities (whatever they may be).

    And using a site like Lovehoney, and chatting to people that were/are in a similar situation to your own, is already a great first step. Well done. ๐Ÿ™‚
    1528984419

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7742
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Ian Chimp wrote:

    Caritas wrote:

    I am 43 and still a virgin I spent most of my adult life looking after my parents and never had time my father died in February and it has made me think about my life but I don't have the confidence to change I feel it is too late

    I don't think it's ever too late. Obviously if you're comfortable and happy in your current situation there's absolutely no need to make any changes based on what other people think happy is, but if you are looking to try something new then there's never a better time than 'now'. It doesn't have to be anything big, even a small change can lead to lots of exciting new opportunities (whatever they may be). And using a site like Lovehoney, and chatting to people that were/are in a similar situation to your own, is already a great first step. Well done. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I couldn't agree more with Ian here.

    If you went to our town on a Saturady Night its amazing the numbers of singles that are in their mid 40s and upwards. Many of these will be people, will have come out of relationships at some time for one reason or another .

    Its never too late.

    1528987575
    Postillionager [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 211
    • Joined: 24 Apr 2010

    We've nearly all been here at some time or other. I've been single for more than two years now after quite a traumatic relationship. Much of the time it's been fine, I'm quite happy in my own company, but more recently I do miiss the companionship and physical affection and intimacy. And I sometimes get that horrible sense of "Will this solitude ever end?" I live in a quite a rural location so I'm giving internet dating a whirl yet again (ho-hum!). Wishing good luck to anyone else in this position.

    1529019294
    PinkVixen90 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 77
    • Joined: 28 Oct 2015

    kelly_michelle wrote:

    It is one of those things that when you are feeling down because you are single, everyone seems to be coupled up. The minute you get into a relationship, it will probably feel like everyone is single!

    In my opinion, you need to work on you. If you are happy and comfortable in your own skin, it will show and it will attract people. If your low self esteem is really affecting you, have you considered talking to a professional? Sometimes even a few sessions talking to an independant person can really help reshape your perspective. There are also lots of other ways that you can try and increase your self esteem. Try changing your hair style or updating your wardrobe. As Mysteron suggests, a group or a class is a great idea as it gets you out socialising and it also gives you something to talk about outside of the group, and, depending on the type of group/class, learning new skills, developing existing skills, or achieving objectives will give you more confidence in yourself. Even just engaging in the forum here will help with confidence.

    Thank you for your kind advice kelly_michelle. I am looking into enrolling on a course in September so that will probably help me a lot with my self esteem.

    1529020097
    PinkVixen90 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 77
    • Joined: 28 Oct 2015

    Caritas wrote:

    I am 43 and still a virgin I spent most of my adult life looking after my parents and never had time my father died in February and it has made me think about my life but I don't have the confidence to change I feel it is too late

    You seem like such a lovely, compassionate person. I'm sorry to read about your father's passing. Please don't think that it's too late for you. x

    1529022774
    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2839
    • Joined: 11 Apr 2016

    PinkVixen, it will happen when you least expect it. I was young when I found the live of my life so was fortunate but I know many who still haven't.

    Like it has been said, find a group that you can get involved with and meet others in your area with common interests. If you enjoy reading the library have lists of book groups you could participate in. They are small groups, usually between 6 and 20, with a relaxed atmosphere. I'm part of a book group and I have to say it's the best social experience for me. I too have low self esteem and I have severe anxiety. A small group is much easier to manage.


    Never give up. ๐Ÿ˜˜

    1529023163
    Fun&Funky [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 405
    • Joined: 14 Jun 2016

    Please be careful about sexting and being used hun x lots of not very nice ppl around but also lots of wonderful people that would be so happy to treat you how you would like to be treated etc.

    Big hugs as many have said itโ€™s never too late

    1529053778

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7742
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    mysteron wrote:

    PinkVixen90 wrote:

    mysteron wrote:

    A similar situation was given to a Relationship Guru on a morning programme whilst I was working from home.

    His idea was and I can see the rationale behind it was to socialise by joining similar interest groups . These can be weightloss groups, book clubs or hobby groups . By joining a group it would help over the confidence issue and help you to socialise . Small steps as they say.

    So do you have a passion about a hobby that you could share with others?

    You avi is very similar to a past members avi and at first I thought it was her who was posting .

    I have been interested in joining a class at my local gym. I also love to read in my spare time so maybe I could look round for a book club.

    A Gym class would be a good way. There will be plenty of people of both genders there you could talk to and socialise.You obviuosly have something already in common with them ie keeping fit or working out etc. So there will be plenty of things to talk about. If you get to know some of the ladies quite well there and they are single perhaps you could go out on the town with them . Like I said small steps at first.

    You perhaps need to tweek your mindset a little. Instead of negative things like " I am always going to be single " Think of " I will find my partner some time "

    If you think your image could do with changing then perhaps a new hairdo would change you . You can do almost anything with hair thse days and it can often transform ones looks. There will be plenty of ideas on the web.

    Being single these days can be a little dauniting but it can also be very exciting times. It depends much on yourself on how you make it. But at end of the day you have got to make it happen

    Good luck .

    Just wanted to add as well . As you go to the gym why not join on the Get it Off Support Thread ?

    It doesnt matter if you are only toning as that is all I am doing these days. . I am sure you can join in and give the others encouragement in their weightloss programmes and join in the discussions about being healthy.

    1529172016
    Lorienatpr [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 11
    • Joined: 16 Jun 2018

    Everyone goes through their own journeys in life, and you will be surprised what comes your way.

    I spent years single, and never thought I would meet someone. I joined a dating website and after some patience and dealing with some crazy folks, I met someone. It is possible

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.