1. Bum love

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    Lozz [sign in to see picture]
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    So for about 12 months now I've been really interested in pegging and my OH hasn't been interested despite me knowing he would love it. He lets me put an odd finger in there and give it a stroke. Well tonight he went for it and licked my arse hole- might sound stupid to some people but it's a MASSIVE thing to us as beforehand anal play was a massive no no!!! The fact he flipped me over and went for it I am enormously happy!!! Hopefully a big turning point in our future sexual relationship :) has anybody else had any turning points in their relationship lately???

    1528805833
    Gran [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes!
    I recently got back with a BF of 15 years ago, and he confided that what he really likes is bum love.

    I thought about it, and decided to give it a try. We began with a sexting fantasy - he was away for two weeks, and we hadn't yet had sex since tentatively reigniting our relationship. Though we've been friends all this time. I told him I was fantasising having a strap-on so I could really fuck him - I was surprised by how much of a turn-on it was! That session on our phones went on for two hours! Ending with him playing very deeply with himself, and me having the best time! The next morning I found Lovehoney and ordered toys for us both. I got some long, slender anal beads (he has a very tight bum-hole, and finding a slender dildo was impossible). When we next saw each other I slowly played with his butt for a while, inserted a finger, then gradually put in the beads. He loved it! And I really enjoyed the role reversal.

    We have, at last, been able to find some knickers which will take a slender flare bottomed dildo - just waiting for them to arrive

    It feels like a huge turning point from the last time we were together, and a big one for me, as I'd never been interested in anal play before.

    I bought a basque the other day, and we had the best sex ever, without any toys, but with my fingers as deep inside him as I could go. I'm learning where the pleasure spots are, and how to use my fingers to give him moaning pleasure.

    1528819230
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    Lozz wrote:

    So for about 12 months now I've been really interested in pegging and my OH hasn't been interested despite me knowing he would love it. He lets me put an odd finger in there and give it a stroke. Well tonight he went for it and licked my arse hole- might sound stupid to some people but it's a MASSIVE thing to us as beforehand anal play was a massive no no!!! The fact he flipped me over and went for it I am enormously happy!!! Hopefully a big turning point in our future sexual relationship :) has anybody else had any turning points in their relationship lately???

    Can you elaborate on this? 

    How do you "know he would love it" if he isn't interested? 

    1528842812
    Lozz [sign in to see picture]
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    He says he isn't interested but when I go near there he goes rock hard and loves it but afterwards seems embarrassed for enjoying it? If I bring it up he goes shy but during the moment if I go near there he loves it. I think he is embarrassed about the fact he enjoys it, yesterday the fact he went there on his own accord is a massive turning point for us sexually. Today we have spoken about it and he has said he is open to other things which is great

    1528989990
    Postillionager [sign in to see picture]
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    It is a wonderful way to be intimate with someone. I haven't been pegged for years but I do absolutely love it. You could show him some of the threads and blogs here to help understand that it is actually a perfectly normal way to experience pleasure.

    1529019485
    Lozz [sign in to see picture]
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    Postillionager wrote:

    It is a wonderful way to be intimate with someone. I haven't been pegged for years but I do absolutely love it. You could show him some of the threads and blogs here to help understand that it is actually a perfectly normal way to experience pleasure.

    Thank you I think that will really help, even tonight we have had sex, I've played with his anus and he loves it then after sex I will say 'You loved that didn't you' then he goes so shy and defensive as if he should be ashamed? He is my husband i love him and anything to improve our sex life i am game for really
    1529024828
    kelly_michelle [sign in to see picture]
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    There used to be a lot of stigma about anal play, whether that be that it's unhygentic (anus = poo = gross) or that only gay men like anal. Many people are a lot more enlightened these days and can accept that it is a legitimate form of pleasure for all genders and all sexualities (even if it isn't for them) but if you have grown up hearing that there is something wrong with you if you like anal, it can be a hard thing to shake. It sounds like that is what he is struggling with. I think saying things like "you loved that didn't you" is probably making it worse for him. If he is feeling ashamed, then it is only going to add to it.

    Maybe focus your anal explorations on you receiving rather than him and see if that helps normalise it for him.

    I'm sorry to say, there isn't going to be a quick fix for this, and ultimately you may have to drop it. As much as he may be enjoying it during sex, if he feels crap about it afterwards, it really isn't worth it. I know when I am horny, I am much more likely to agree to sex act that I wouldn't agree to when I was thinking clearly so his responses during sex may not be your best reason to keep pursuing this.

    1529046941
    Lozz [sign in to see picture]
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    kelly_michelle wrote:

    There used to be a lot of stigma about anal play, whether that be that it's unhygentic (anus = poo = gross) or that only gay men like anal. Many people are a lot more enlightened these days and can accept that it is a legitimate form of pleasure for all genders and all sexualities (even if it isn't for them) but if you have grown up hearing that there is something wrong with you if you like anal, it can be a hard thing to shake. It sounds like that is what he is struggling with. I think saying things like "you loved that didn't you" is probably making it worse for him. If he is feeling ashamed, then it is only going to add to it.

    Maybe focus your anal explorations on you receiving rather than him and see if that helps normalise it for him.

    I'm sorry to say, there isn't going to be a quick fix for this, and ultimately you may have to drop it. As much as he may be enjoying it during sex, if he feels crap about it afterwards, it really isn't worth it. I know when I am horny, I am much more likely to agree to sex act that I wouldn't agree to when I was thinking clearly so his responses during sex may not be your best reason to keep pursuing this.

    Thank you I really appreciate your comments. I will take a step back and focus it on me and see what happens
    1529049048
    Gran [sign in to see picture]
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    Yesterday I was having lovely sex with my SO, who really loves being penetrated - but he was often asking me how it felt for me, while I had my finger up inside him.

    I wonder if your OH might like to hear you saying how nice you're finding it, how much you're liking what you're doing, whilst you're doing it, so it puts the enjoyment focus onto you, instead of him.

    If he hears you, and realises you're loving what you're doing, it may lessen the stigma for him. It may be a way, later, to talk to him about it - from the point of view of how much you enjoy being inside him. Make it about you, and he needn't be embarrassed, or defensive.

    Good luck!

    1529099509
    Lozz [sign in to see picture]
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    Gran wrote:

    Yesterday I was having lovely sex with my SO, who really loves being penetrated - but he was often asking me how it felt for me, while I had my finger up inside him.

    I wonder if your OH might like to hear you saying how nice you're finding it, how much you're liking what you're doing, whilst you're doing it, so it puts the enjoyment focus onto you, instead of him.

    If he hears you, and realises you're loving what you're doing, it may lessen the stigma for him. It may be a way, later, to talk to him about it - from the point of view of how much you enjoy being inside him. Make it about you, and he needn't be embarrassed, or defensive.

    Good luck!

    Thank you again, all Really good advice from thus thread and really very much appreciated
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    illtakethehighroad [sign in to see picture]
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    its taboo for anyone of a certain age. I am reasonably old and when i was younger assumed it was only gay men who liked it and did it. Women just did it to please their OH's. Luckilly i am older now and not so narrow minded (isnt life supposed to be the opposite?! That you get more narrow minded with age?)

    Also my OH for years thought it was gross but then she was told her bottom was dirty and her body in general was dirty. Not really suprising she felt it was unatural!

    Instead of pushing it in the midst of sex, think you need to chat to your OH about how he feels about his body and that if it feels good its fine no matter what society deems I would say you are sorry and pushed the boundaries because you find him hot and makes you more comfortable with trying new things but you need to take him with you. Only show him these threads about how normal it is when you have had a chat.

    Good luck, look i changed my attitude, although i dont go around broadcasting it! he can to.

    1529190101
    Lozz [sign in to see picture]
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    illtakethehighroad wrote:

    its taboo for anyone of a certain age. I am reasonably old and when i was younger assumed it was only gay men who liked it and did it. Women just did it to please their OH's. Luckilly i am older now and not so narrow minded (isnt life supposed to be the opposite?! That you get more narrow minded with age?)

    Also my OH for years thought it was gross but then she was told her bottom was dirty and her body in general was dirty. Not really suprising she felt it was unatural!

    Instead of pushing it in the midst of sex, think you need to chat to your OH about how he feels about his body and that if it feels good its fine no matter what society deems I would say you are sorry and pushed the boundaries because you find him hot and makes you more comfortable with trying new things but you need to take him with you. Only show him these threads about how normal it is when you have had a chat.

    Good luck, look i changed my attitude, although i dont go around broadcasting it! he can to.

    Thank you again it's amazing the support you receive within this website. Had loads of great ideas to help me out x
    1529234101
    lilac_vix [sign in to see picture]
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    I have always felt uncomfortable about anal although I like the sensations. It would really upset me if someone was pushing it during sex because although I like the sensations it would instantly put me on the defensive and then I could never quite relax. It was like I was just waiting for someone to push my boundaries too far.
    I had anal sex for the first time last month and I loved it. I met someone who really built my trust. When I said to him it didn't want anything put in my ass, he asked if he could touch around the outside. The first few times I would just go hyper vigilant every time he went near there. After few times I stated to trust he wouldn't go any further and be totally relaxed when he did it.
    When we were talking about sex one day I confessed I had bought a butt plug and I might like to try anal but couldnt get the butt plug in my ass (I have had beginner toys up there before in private but this was something closer to the girth of an actual cock). The next time he was playing with my ass he said he was going to put his finger up there but he would stop if I asked him too. It didnt ask him to stop. The next time we did the same thing but then he said he was going to put his cock up there. When he started I totally panicked and started crying and saying I thought it was going to hurt.
    Instead of running a mile, he just just held my hand and was saying just relax, just breathe, think about how the vibrator feels on your clit, concentrate on that. He asked me if I wanted to use my safe word. I didn't because I trusted him. Anyway I'm not sure about the next bit because insuddenly realised we were doing it and I came about 3 times one after the other.
    The other point about it is one of my concerns is my IBS which makes it difficult to be clean. He was like if you are enjoying it, a bit of poo isn't going to freak me out. We have done it a few times and there was a little bit of poo once. I will be honest and say during the sex I had not known about it. I saw a dirty tissue in the bin afterwards. He was just like "yeah there was a little bit of poo, I just wiped it away.
    Sorry of that's over share but his reaction to that has just relieved a massive stress I had about anal that has held me back for years.

    1529314478
    Postillionager [sign in to see picture]
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    Lozz wrote:

    Postillionager wrote:

    It is a wonderful way to be intimate with someone. I haven't been pegged for years but I do absolutely love it. You could show him some of the threads and blogs here to help understand that it is actually a perfectly normal way to experience pleasure.

    Thank you I think that will really help, even tonight we have had sex, I've played with his anus and he loves it then after sex I will say 'You loved that didn't you' then he goes so shy and defensive as if he should be ashamed? He is my husband i love him and anything to improve our sex life i am game for really

    I used to feel guilt and shame afterwards when I was younger, there was a lot of prejudice and misinformation in society back then. But now there is a wealth of good quality, serious academic books and internet advice sources which set the record straight. The proportion of anal play activity across gay, straight, lesbian and bi populations is actually much more similar than people used to think. It is potentially normal, comfortable, safe, hygienic and enjoyable for people of all kinds. When I realized this, I felt more confident exploring on my own using proper lube. Then about 15 years ago I was very fortunate to be blessed with a more experienced girlfriend who slowly but surely really opened my eyes. It was a truly liberating experience which I have always been deeply grateful for. It sounds like you are at the early stages of this, so best not to push or focus on him, instead communicate with him about your own feelings and how much pleasure it gives you, but still cultivate it as a part of your love-making.

    1529315190
    Postillionager [sign in to see picture]
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    Lozz wrote:

    He says he isn't interested but when I go near there he goes rock hard and loves it but afterwards seems embarrassed for enjoying it? If I bring it up he goes shy but during the moment if I go near there he loves it. I think he is embarrassed about the fact he enjoys it, yesterday the fact he went there on his own accord is a massive turning point for us sexually. Today we have spoken about it and he has said he is open to other things which is great

    The fact that he went straight into spontaneously rimming you is a pretty sure sign that he finds it incredibly hot! It's not surprising that he's been a bit coy or shy afterwards, a bit of emabarrassment is harmless, but feelings of guilt or shame need to be treated with sensitivity.

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