1. Making love vs having sex

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    JoJoXxX [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey all I'm just curious about what people make of this.

    Do you think there is a difference between having sex and making love ?

    The slow romantic gentle ' movie' sex with nice music and gentle kissing vs well the opposite to that ?

    I said to my OH once we have never ' made love ' he said but I love you always and every time we have sex it's because we love each each other. I saw exactly what he ment. Although in my head I get the niggle that I'd like to just ' make love once ' then I think that's daft I like it adventurous and a bit rough.

    What do you all think have you ' made love to your OH? Do you ever differentiate between the two ? Or do you think it's just an idealistic view of sex with false expectations?
    Just interested in your opinions and experiences folks.
    JoJo x

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    AmyA [sign in to see picture]
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    Forgive me for commenting from a position of zero experience but I think 'rough and adventurous' can still be making love, it's the intentions, emotions and feelings between you that make the difference between a purely physical act and 'love'

    Perhaps what you are lacking is after care, even if you don't have what you would thing of as a BDSM or sub/Dom relationship I think it's a very useful thing to take from those situations, re-connecting and checking in with each other after, maybe cuddles. I don't obviously know what your partner is like but he does and like he loves you and respects you, perhaps you just need him to give you some attention after to help you readjust back together if he is a roll over and start snoring type!

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    JoJoXxX [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey Amy thanks for your comments Hun but I think my post may have come access elwronf

    Please don't get me wronge I was posting from a personal feeling of feeling 'unloved' my partner is very loving and we have a great sex life and loving caring relationship. I was more wondering if people brought into the idea that the two things are different.

    I once thought that the whole slowness and gentleness resembled ' making love ' and thought are couples ment to do that and commented to the Oh about this to see what he thought but in realisation and my partners comments I noted that love isn't shown through a sexual act. If that makes sense.

    It was more the idea of it and if people actually see that as a thing as though it's seen as the 'done' thing to be loving but in reality realising that everyone likes sexy differently and how you have sexy Dosent define if it's love or not l. If that makes any sense lol.

    More a post of curiosity about other people's views than a reflection on my sex/love life.

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    JoJoXxX [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh no I should have proof read ! I ment I was NOT posting from a personal feeling of being unloved lol it's been a long day xxz

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    Ian Chimp [sign in to see picture]
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    JoJoXxX wrote:

    I think my post may have come access elwronf

    I know exactly what you're saying.

    I think you're right that it's a different thing for different people at different times. I have definitely had sex without 'making love' though, as I've not loved everybody I've had sex with. So maybe there is a distinction to be found?
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    KinkyMinxMoo [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey JoJo, I totally understand what you mean as I feel the same way.

    To me, making love and having sex are different; not that you can't feel / be in love when you have sex etc but making love has a connection that having sex does not and that is the difference IMO.

    I have experienced "making love" with a previous partner and I cried because it was very close and emotional (in a good way) and then it turned in to sex because that is more me :)

    I have mostly had sex over love making, generally in a relationship and have loved or come to love the person at the time but I have also had sex with people that I have no love for so it is just casual sex; Following that, I think that there are three things here... making love, sex with someone you love and just sex.

    I suppose that it all comes down to the individuals and circumstances.

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    JoJoXxX [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh yes there is just .... sex with no emotional connection too. So yes there must be a distinction of which KinkyMInxMoos point of people's individual circumstances comes into play maybe.
    KinkyMix I haven't had that close to tears moment like you and I think that's the type of moment I was curious if actually existed so ty for sharing !
    I love my partner and I love him befor during and after sex but it's not soft and sensual it's progressively becoming sexy and sinful but I love it lol and after we lay together hair stroking ect and a feeling of happiness and I wonder if that's because we have made ' love' in our way ? ( don't get me wrong we are only intermediate adventurous not advanced lol and it's intense in a way I think it could only come with reciprocated love.

    It's intriguing to me how we all ' love ' differently and what it represents in the bedroom to different people as the general idea or the stereotype of making love maybe isn't the reality.
    JoJo
    X

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    KinkyMinxMoo [sign in to see picture]
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    You are welcome :) I have only experienced that once and I was much younger which may have had an impact; I have had relationships since, loved since and made love since but they are all different.

    Made love "our" way, that is the best way to put it.

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    Guy14357 [sign in to see picture]
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    When I have sex I’m always making love but I know for some ppl there is a difference but at the moment no matter how rough it gets or how spontaneous it was it’s always making love for me. My ex was the same.

    My first GF for her sex had no meaning. After we split up I found out she had sold herself several because she was bored

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    JoJoXxX [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh no guy that couldn't have been pleasent to have found out!
    I like you view on making 'love' it's interesting to see that everyone has different ideas and makes me realise that the stereotype is challenged which is refreshing.

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    K&c30's [sign in to see picture]
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    For me i don't see any difference it's just naming it. We have had the hot passionate emotional sex, right down to the quick bent over skirt up as quick as you can sex. I think it's a case of everything that goes on outside of sex that makes the difference. If your OH makes you feel relaxed, loved, secure and sexy the the sex is going to be fantastic and the bond is there no matter what the sex is.

    Or it could be that i am an emotionally stunted individual and don't see the difference 😀.

    The wife would say the latter.

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    Mature 2 [sign in to see picture]
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    I think I know what you mean JoJo my lovely x.sometime we cuddle kiss 💋 and He enters me slowly and our finger tips allover each other and well you know it's a special moment. Other times especially with bondage fun I would say it's sex . Fun but lovely sex. Like over the kit hen table . Great fun and sexy but sex all the same. ❤ x

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    JoJoXxX [sign in to see picture]
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    Haha K&c30's I hope it's not that your emotionally stunted because if so then so am I because I agree with you !

    Even the quick bent over skirt up sex is preety good in my opinion it's the sort of cheekiness you can get away with the one you love.

    ' everything that goes on outside the sex' ...... spot on in my opinion !

    X

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    NovacaineDoll [sign in to see picture]
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    Me and my partner to classify them differently and talk about them as "seperate things" but we understand that there is always love involved whether it's hard and kinky or soft and careful! "Make love" is more of a descriptive term for us really, shorthand for bodies locked, eyes locked, slow and close with lots of kissing! I think if that's a style of sex that you're interested in trying with your partner you should certainly suggest it and just be careful of terms you use and the weight they might carry if you don't have that "shorthand" as yet. As in "Could we try having sex slowly/gently?" Then partner won't feel like they're being accused of not loving you during the rougher stuff!

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    KinkyMira [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello JoJo, what an interesting and thought provoking question!

    I've never really liked the term "making love". To me, "making love" is really just a euphemistic term, and seems somehow a little dishonest. Love is about much more than sex - love is shown all day every day in little things that people wouldn't notice. So by asking for "making love", are you just asking for a slow sensual emotional shag (as opposed to what you usually do)?

    There is definitely sex with emotional connection and sex without emotional connection. I've had both over the years. I can honestly say I don't think my husband is capable of sex without emotional connection, which is amazing for me. We have emotional connection regardless of whether it is your stereotypical movie "making love", or the bent over the settee, or something much more kinky. It is all emotionally charged which is what makes it so great and so addictive! (And yes, I have cried at times during sex when it gets very emotional - my husband knows to carry on though, as the first time, he stopped because he was worried about me).

    So, in summary, no I don't think there is a difference between sex and the euphemisitic term "making love". There are just different kinds of sex, one of which is slow and very emotional. As NovacaineDoll said, if you want the slow sensual stuff, best to talk to him about it without the euphemism. I can see why he might be a little upset at an accuasation of not loving you during sex. As always, close and clear communication is everything in a relationship.

    It has been really interesting reading other views on this.

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    VirginAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    The term "make love" makes me cringe thanks to an ex partner. Long distance thankfully so i never actually did anything physical with him, but it was the only term he would use to refer to sex, and he was very sexually abusive. He only wanted really violent, rough, BDSM, roleplay one sided for his pleasure type sex, with spanking and biting and things that had to leave bruises and cuts every time, or in places where it was likely to get caught. Also wouldn't take no for an answer with regard to anal and when roleplaying would say he would do it while i was already tied up so couldn't stop him.

    To me "having sex" and "sleeping with" are for the loving, caring sex you have with a person who you love and who loves you, regardless what that sex consists of, its about the emotional connection.

    "Fucking" is the type of sex when its all about the physical feelings, can be done with one night stand or someone you have no feelings for, or someone you love but when the focus is the orgasm not the bonding.

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    PinkVixen90 [sign in to see picture]
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    I haven’t had sex before but when I was younger I loved to daydream about finding that special someone and getting to know them and then eventually making love. As I have got older, I find that I do tend to have fantasies of more hotter, passionate sex that may not be generally considered making love.

    I guess it’s down to context but I agree with other members who have mentioned that if two people have an emotional connection than whatever type of sex they choose to have could still be interpreted as love making. It’s whatever each individual is comfortable with. If a person wants to refer to sex as love making than that is absolutely fine. If a person wants to refer to sex as just sex (or anything else) then that’s absolutely fine as well.

    Personally I would love to meet someone and have great sex with them but to also have that emotional connection so that no matter what the type of sex there will always be that deeper bond.

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    PinkVixen90 [sign in to see picture]
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    I haven’t had sex before but when I was younger I loved to daydream about finding that special someone and getting to know them and then eventually making love. As I have got older, I find that I do tend to have fantasies of more hotter, passionate sex that may not be generally considered making love.

    I guess it’s down to context but I agree with other members who have mentioned that if two people have an emotional connection than whatever type of sex they choose to have could still be interpreted as love making. It’s whatever each individual is comfortable with. If a person wants to refer to sex as love making than that is absolutely fine. If a person wants to refer to sex as just sex (or anything else) then that’s absolutely fine as well.

    Personally I would love to meet someone and have great sex with them but to also have that emotional connection so that no matter what the type of sex there will always be that deeper bond.

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    PinkVixen90 [sign in to see picture]
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    Apologies if my last post was posted twice.

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    _Michelle_ [sign in to see picture]
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    Personally its all just sex, you dont have to love some one to have sex with them, some form of attraction or lust yes but love no.

    In my opinion loving some one is far more than slipping it in slowly and soft kisses, love is more an emotional connection between two people that both share a certain zing and not a physical connection like sex.

    So for me making love is just sex, weather its slow, tender with soft kisses or fast and full of fiery passion or full on bdsm session leaving you a spaced out puddle in youre parteners lap.

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