1. Help me, I'm shy

    1528501515
    Scaredycat [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 7 Jun 2018

    Hi all,

    I've been with my husband for over 15 years and I love him more than life itself. Due to a few massive upheavals over the last couple of years, we've been having sex really infrequently, only once every two months. Sex is always so good when we do it and I will want to get us back to a more active sex life. But...we usually do oral then penetrative in a couple of positions.

    Could I please ask for advice from any men with shyer wives, or shy wives, about how to suggest new ideas - I'm pretty creative but feel like a pervert! Thanks so much 😍

    1528503688
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2143
    • Joined: 27 Feb 2010

    There are online sex surveys such as mojo upgrade, just google sex surveys.

    There is also this recent thread which I and others posted on, about just this situation. https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/1712886-problems-asking/

    But most of all. # you're not a pervert.

    Every one like different things, as long as it's not an ileagal thing, then it's ok. There is also nothing wrong with a woman talking to her partner about things she would like to do in or out of a bed. Many men wish there OH would let them in on what they would like. All I would say is you know your OH, and if he has certain things he doesn't like. The typical one a lot of men hate the Idea of is anything anal on them, due to some misconception of it being something only gay men do; if only they knew what they were missing out on because of male insecurities.

    Sit down out of the bedroom, when you are both "listening " to each other, and just tell him you would love to discuss his feeling on spicing things up in the bedroom. The key thing is to make sure you won't judge the other for anything they may like. Some people do get very fixed ideas on what is and what is not ok in the bedroom; this is what leads to little or no communication between couples on this subject, for fear of causing some kind of issue within the relationship.

    Only you can know how things are between you too, men are often quite ready to say there's no way I'm doing that, but it's more than ok for you to say "no" if you want to, don't let any fear of having to say no put you off, just be firm, and possitive about your bounderies.

    Most of all enjoy this kind of time with each other.

    1528506467
    Fun&Funky [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 568
    • Joined: 14 Jun 2016

    This was me a few months ago. It was only due to a fluke really that I mentioned something to to my h and he was like yes I want to look into that and we found ourselves on lovehoney. Since then we’ve spend a lot of time talking and experimenting more than we have on 16 and half years! It’s defiantly working for us.

    1528530496
    Ian Chimp [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1583
    • Joined: 27 Mar 2018

    Starting a conversation out of nowhere can be really overwhelming, especially if it's the first time you've ever discussed things like this. And the longer you've been together the trickier it can be as the habit to not mention it gets more and more ingrained. Speaking up is definitely worth the effort in the long-run though. 🙂

    If you just can't find the right verbal opener then Lovehoney have lots of little games to get the ball rolling. They're not that risqué that he'll run for the hills, but they are inventive and varied enough to start an open dialogue about what each of you would love to explore.

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/special-offers/15377/

    If you do feel you need to be a bit more blatant than that then you could always buy a few toys that you want to try out and leave them out for him to find. It's really hard to ignore a pile of dildos on the bed. 🙂

    1528530996
    Cambridgedong [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 9 Jan 2018

    My partner was shy and never was adventurous when it came to sex until her friends bought her a small vibrator for her birthday. At first she was quite reluctant but in the last few months we have expanded our toy collection thanks to Lovehoney and we have found a whole new adventure in our lives. Go for it.

    1528532003
    Kneeslider [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 56
    • Joined: 21 Jul 2013

    My wife sounds similar. She's pretty shy when it comes to talking about what she likes. She just says she likes what we do but won't go into specifics. Whilst she's shy in talking about sex she's actually quite open minded and has never said no to trying new things.

    For us it started with a bit of sexy lingerie, then massages with a bit of oil to using lube. One occasion I was indulging her in a bit of, shall we say 'intimate massage', and she was trying grab me to do me at the same time. I joked that if she couldn't behave I'd have to tie her hands up. She did it again so I grabbed a dressing gown belt and tied her hands to the headboard. Afterwards we just chatted about it being fun, we should do it again and could maybe try some other toys and left it at that.

    After getting some proper restraints and using them for a while I got her a bullet vibe for her birthday, then a 'naughty box' full of stuff from love honey for our anniversary a couple of years ago and it's all been great fun ever since.

    A brilliant one to lighten the mood and talk/ giggle about things was the 'clone a willy' kit I put in the naughty box. Had a fantastic time as she provided the inspiration to get something mould-worthy ;)

    1528533334
    Quiet ones are worse! [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1446
    • Joined: 24 Jun 2012

    A possible lead in is to say you've found some nice lingerie on a site Google brought up, showing him things here this if he looks with you may lead to looking at other things?

    1528534011
    Justthe2ofus2007 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1381
    • Joined: 4 Mar 2018

    6 months ago we had sex 2-3 a year, and when I say sex I mean darkness, nightdress still on, a quick fondle of my boobs then he climbed on, would last 2 minutes and that was sex for us for 15 years.
    6 months ago I saw LH advert and browsed there website. I ordered 3 items of lingerie, then spent 5 days stressing he would think I was a prev. Day before I plucked up the courage and text him some pics of sexy underwear and he literally dragged me to bed that night.
    We have never spoken about sex and sometimes I do feel a bit nervous telling him what I like. I wanted to try anal but I was scared he wouldn’t be into it. I texted him a few messages, and asked if there was anything he would like to try and he said he was happy with what we do, he asked me the same questions and I said I’d like to try it. He said he wasn’t keen and worried it would hurt me. Then one night out the blue he was playing and the rest is histrory x

    There’s a lot of games on here that really getting communicating, for me it was my nervous actually saying it out loud. But we played a few games via text message and it eased us in x

    1528543826
    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3588
    • Joined: 4 Dec 2012

    I have trouble sharing my ideas with my OH, fearing that she'll reject me or have a negative reaction when I tell her some of the things on my mind. It's all completely in my head though, as she is generally pretty awesome. I'm sure things are similar with you and your OH.

    What really works for me is electronic communication. I will send her an email with the things in that either I'd like to try, or remembering some things we've done in the past. That way she can read it when I'm not around to super-self-conscious that I'm making myself vulnerable to her. It just kinda opens the conversation, cos she then knows I want to talk about these things, and she can start the conversation when she is ready, rather than me just going blahhhhhhh at her unprepared.

    It also works for me as I have much stronger written communication skills than I do verbal communication skills.

    That's just what works for me...!

    1528548660
    Scaredycat [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 7 Jun 2018

    Hi Ian,

    Thanks so much for your reply, you've hit the nail on the head and are clearly a fab husband! The longer I've waited to say anything, the more difficult I've found it. I ordered a couple of toys from this site, which arrived this morning - one is a blow job stroker that we've already used today haha. I explained that I want more sex but sometimes feel shy about saying what I want and of course my lovely man said he wanted me to talk about what I want. Thanks for taking the time to write a post, have a great weekend 😍

    1528548697
    Scaredycat [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 7 Jun 2018

    Thanks so much, step one taken this morning! X

    1528552993
    Ian Chimp [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1583
    • Joined: 27 Mar 2018

    Scaredycat wrote:

    Hi Ian,

    Thanks so much for your reply, you've hit the nail on the head and are clearly a fab husband! The longer I've waited to say anything, the more difficult I've found it. I ordered a couple of toys from this site, which arrived this morning - one is a blow job stroker that we've already used today haha. I explained that I want more sex but sometimes feel shy about saying what I want and of course my lovely man said he wanted me to talk about what I want. Thanks for taking the time to write a post, have a great weekend 😍

    That's excellent. Well done you. 🙂
    1528666016
    tryanythingtwise [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 7 Apr 2009

    Hi, It's great news to here that you have started o talk about experimenting.

    For one you are in no way a pervert. My OH was shy about talking of different things she wanted to try and so was I but I decided one day to just start talking about what I wanted to try and if there was anything that she wanted to do. The rest is history lol.

    Just let your mind take you to every avenue you want to take. You will be surprised.

    TTFN

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.