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  1. Problems Asking...

    Racer248 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 49
    • Joined: 25 Jul 2014

    My wife & I have always had a great sex life were 25 and 24 but things have slowed a little bit on their way back up somewhat.

    It seems we both have problems asking or talking about what we truly want during our sessions. We're very kinky and into Lingerie, toys and bondage. For example I have a fetish of being tickled and she indulges it sometimes but I want a bit more but find it so hard to ask..

    Likewise I always feel she is holding back on asking for what she fantasies or truly wants during sex.

    Anybody have any advice on how to go about just asking without feeling embarrassed or nervous?

    Knight1119 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 1069
    • Joined: 22 Sep 2014

    I must admit, I always felt very embarrassed discussing my fantasies with the ladies I dated, I rarely did.
    I guess it depends on the relationship.
    I hope that helps.

    Justthe2ofus2007 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1445
    • Joined: 4 Mar 2018

    Hi ya

    Well I must admit until recently we had sex 2-3 times a year! 5 months ago it all changed.
    I started communicating with my hubby.
    I do have body confidence issues , my hubby reassured me lots. I’ve told him most of my fantasies, a lot we do, 2 sadly will never do.

    Just be honest, some things are best left to fantasy, but until you talk to your partner you ll just never know x

    Alwaysonmymind [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 159
    • Joined: 22 Nov 2015

    We had the same issue but thanks to this very forum we found a answer.
    There is an online survey that you and your partner both fill in separately and then compare the answers but it will only show you what your matches are and not the other answers so you can be honest and not worry about what your oartner thinks about your fantasies.
    Check it out
    Hope you find common ground

    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2278
    • Joined: 27 Feb 2010

    Communication is key in any relationship; try to have a conversation outside of the bedroom, when you both have time, and are relaxed, and actually listening to each other. There is no special "how" to, you just have to make the effort, bite the bullet, and go for it.

    Having said that, you won't get everything you want, the other person has to be into it too; you can't expect your OH to like all the same things you do, and visa versa. And you can't bargin either; you know I (f I do this for you that I don't really want to, then you will do what I want that you are not into. )

    One way to make it a bit easier, and kind of fun at the same time, is to have 5 bowls, one for what "you would like to do", one for what "she would like to do", one for "no way", one for "maybe", but I will let you know if and when, and one for "yes I'd love to". You each write one thing that you would like to do, on a piece of paper, and put it in the bowl. You can keep adding things to your bowl from time to time, so it's not one long, instant list of " I wants; that is too much pressure, for the other person.

    Then you read each others wish, at a time that you choose; again so there's no pressure. Then you put the other persons wish in the bowl of your choice. Any wishes that end up in the "no way " bowl, get to stay there, no questions, it's off the table. Then when you are going to play, you can pick one from the "I would love to" bowl. If you wish you could have a "yes" bowl for each other, then you can pick one for who evers turn it is to have a wish granted.

    rockstar [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 147
    • Joined: 7 Aug 2010

    I would say your issue is very common.

    My wife and I rarely talk about sex or fantasies in any shape or form and have picked up on each others likes and dislikes basically by blundering about till we got something right.

    I can offer no practical advice since we have the same problem and still haven't found a solution. All I would say is you will save a lot of time and frustration if you can both find a way to discuss what you both really want.

    Fun&Funky [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 656
    • Joined: 14 Jun 2016

    Hubby and I were the same until recently, one thing that has been helping is an ap called Kindu. It gives you ideas of things to do and you can say you love it, maybe or not a chance. You can also write your own cards and they are added to the next set of questions And then if she ticks maybe or love you will see it in your matches section etc. worth a try it’s a free ap with the option to buy more packs if hobby you liked.

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