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  1. I want to be what a woman really wants, not a nice guy anymore, help

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    Tigerlilies [sign in to see picture]
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    Alone4ever, you may be interested in the 'Beautiful Scars' thread I started some time ago. There's some great responses to read through.

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/orgasm-army/sex-talk/162378-beautiful-scars-whats-your-story/

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    TL you told me i should ask my therapist for ways to "claim" my sexualitiy i think i may have found the way (not sure) fro thinking about starspakles problem.

    it.s about being able to think of myself as a man and knowing the women will see me that way too. for what ever reason my past i think, could be wrong there too. seem to be doing a lot of that lately. i know that only wanting anal from a women and having to say to her i will do other things for you. is right for me. for me being penetrated is sex. not penetrating a woman. i just want it to be a woman that does it to me, even though i don't mind a gay guy doing it. it's not what i really want from life.

    i have come to realise that it is my abilliy to stand up and proudly say to a woman that this is me this is what i need for you, and i will give you want you need but sorry i can't penetrate you i am just not made that way i don't want to do it. and i respect you enough to know that you would never ask or expect me to do something i don't want to do just to please you.

    i have also feared who other men would treat me, if they knew. well now why should i care a dam, what men think, if a woman can love me for it and not inspite of it, what do i care about wens thoughts for, its not them i want to love and be loved by.

    if my recent ex could tell me herself that i had given her the best sex of her life without a penis, and the 7 or 8 men with one that she had known could not manage this then i should and now; thanks to all here, feel proud proud of myself. god i hope that i have got this right this time.

    may be i should just leave it at that and leave the trying to help to those who know how to do it. thanks to all hope i am still welcome to pop in and say hi now and again.

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    Tigerlilies [sign in to see picture]
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    That sounds like a positive attitude, I hope you discuss it with your therapist as well.

    I think it's good to embrace an attitude towards sex that is organic, with room to grow. Be sure in your head what you do and don't like but also leave room for the possibility that one day, when you're ready, you might enjoy other things.

    Have fun and stay safe.

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    Lovehoney - Bot [sign in to see picture]
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    alone4ever wrote:

    TL you told me i should ask my therapist for ways to "claim" my sexualitiy i think i may have found the way (not sure) fro thinking about starspakles problem.

    it.s about being able to think of myself as a man and knowing the women will see me that way too. for what ever reason my past i think, could be wrong there too. seem to be doing a lot of that lately. i know that only wanting anal from a women and having to say to her i will do other things for you. is right for me. for me being penetrated is sex. not penetrating a woman. i just want it to be a woman that does it to me, even though i don't mind a gay guy doing it. it's not what i really want from life.

    i have come to realise that it is my abilliy to stand up and proudly say to a woman that this is me this is what i need for you, and i will give you want you need but sorry i can't penetrate you i am just not made that way i don't want to do it. and i respect you enough to know that you would never ask or expect me to do something i don't want to do just to please you.

    i have also feared who other men would treat me, if they knew. well now why should i care a dam, what men think, if a woman can love me for it and not inspite of it, what do i care about wens thoughts for, its not them i want to love and be loved by.

    if my recent ex could tell me herself that i had given her the best sex of her life without a penis, and the 7 or 8 men with one that she had known could not manage this then i should and now; thanks to all here, feel proud proud of myself. god i hope that i have got this right this time.

    may be i should just leave it at that and leave the trying to help to those who know how to do it. thanks to all hope i am still welcome to pop in and say hi now and again.

    LoveHoney - Bot says:

    You're more than welcome to help people, just be careful of how you word things.

    There are literally thousands of threads and thousands of members of these forums. Specifically requesting that people direct any members who have issues similar to yours directly to you comes across as quite forceful and leaves people in an awkward position. This isn't a request to stop posting or a 'telling off', more of a gentle reminder that you might like to consider the way other people post and the general posting style of the forums.

    Everyone is free to comment and contribute and you are clearly a brilliant, intelligent and fantastic man. Do some searching around on the forums and you won't need people to direct you to threads or other people, you'll find it on your own and be able to add your own incredible advice.

    Back on topic, if you do have a search around on the forums, you will see that there are loads of women that aren't fussed about penis-in-vagina sex. Many women do not orgasm that way at all but will instead orgasm multiple times from oral or manual stimulation. It sounds like you're on the right tracks but if you ever need a pick-me-up, check out this thread for women who love nothing more than oral and finger fun!

    Also, there are a lot of people who enjoy pegging - the act of using a strap-on on a male partner. Please don't ever feel bad about enjoying it because you're just one of a very strong and very proud group who do! Consider contributing to these threads to add your advice and find out more.

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    your'e right TL About growing and leaving room for possibility, for now i can stand up up for what l want, and be very happy getting it. if one day i am in bed with a woman and i suddenly feel; do you know i actualy think i want to do that now, i will dam well say so. because now and again i do already find myself wishing i could do it. but have come to the conclusion that its just best to be happy with the me i am now and not stress over what should or might be in the future. thats what i have done for so long ,it just took me till now to realise, that it doesn't matter what i may or should be in the future. and indeed let no one but me say what this is to be.

    i really do apreceate just how much time and effort you have put into helping me. few people in my life have ever wanted to help me the way you have.

    over the being raped thing even my own mum told me i was just being silly that it was nothing and i should just forget it. what really hurt was when she told me that i should never have another relationship, as they were a waste of time. that i should be happy to stay with her and she would give me all the love i could ever need.

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks for the beautiful scars thing, it really helped to tell people about them so that i could learn to see them as beautiful, sorry if it got a bit graphic at times but i wanted to put it all out of my head to look at it from a different perspective. it worked another one of your successes with me.

    lovehoney bot i understood you the first time and did not take it as a telling off, just as some one trying to help me, god i m in tears here now cant see the key board. never had such "love" if thats the right word from any one till now. poeople at home just seem to want to put me down even though i didn't say anything to them, and always have. so i don't talk to people anymore for fear that they will put me down even more. despite being a natural chatter box.

    i have tried to limit my advice to things that happened to me, how things felt for me and what helped me, and what didnt. i have never tried to offer advice out side my own personal situation. and told people to check out my other posts to save me writting it out again and cluttering the forum with duplicates of my own making, not to tell them they must go there because i said they had to. i hope the only mistake i made was being so presumptius as to tell TL that she should have known to send them to me instead of where she did tell them to go, accidental (i hope ) big headed arrogance. what a prick. but trying deperately not to be now, i never have done that before. i need to get a handle on my new found confidence and not let it take me the wrong way, this feeling is so new to me, its powerful stuff confidence, and power is so easy to missuse, i m lucky to have friends like you and TL to show me what to use this power on.

    i will have to see if i feel i can post advice, i so badly dont want to get it wrong again.

    to answer AdnaW i think it was (don't know how to move between pages with out loosing my whole post before i upload to check) you said may be some day you may be able to use a strap on to penetrate a woman a woman. i would have no problem with doing that now or anything else a woman may want i absolutely love everything i have ever heard of. it wouldnt be a case of doing it just to please her at my own expense. i told my recent ex when i tried to penetrate her and couldnt that i now realised that i really didn't want to do this now that i had tried a couple of times. i did want to try after all it has been 25 years since i last did. its the only sexual act i am aware of that i i dont want to do at least for now. and so did stand up for what i was and was not prepared to do for her. thanks for asking though its appreciated that you thought to ask.

    the reason i left her was because she started to treat me like an unpaid escort. not because of the sex, she could have had as much as she did or did not want. more the better but abstenance i find is nice too. but because sex time together was the only time she wanted to spend with me. i wanted more, to be seen out with her, to do things other than sex together but to her that was something she concidereded to be an out with the girls friends, thing. boy friends were not allow to come along ever, yet it was fine to let her gay friends to bring their OH because that was different they werent men they were all gay and so all one of the girls.

    some how i find it easy to synic with a partner, up and down without compremising my sense of what i need. its strange and i dont understand it but my desire for sex is allways there and yet at the same time always not. weird. i think its because 25 years of no sex as made me randy beyond imagination. yet taught me that im quite happy not to have it. i have gone a year some times without feeling i want to masturbate, and at other times do my self 3 times a day every day.

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    I just used the term not comfortable as a general expression of how your post came across. You appear to be uncomfortable with what you can and cannot say.

    You have not outstayed your welcome at all! This is a free and open forum and I'm sure many people will be willing to chat. Its certainly not a problem with you, you've shown a refreshing openness to talk about issues, I just think the style of your posts can appear a little daunting. You have so much to say! (Not a bad thing, it just makes replying difficult).

    As you have mentioned you need some help with your issues and paranoia is never going to be good with such an inefficient method of communication. It takes time to get used to posting on a forum... I've had a few problems expressing myself and being misinterpreted before... its just what happens online. Once you can accept that some things like that happen and don't feel responsible you might find it a weight off your shoulders and able to express your ideas more freely but in a manner that more people feel able to respond to. It just takes practice.

    I'm sure you've noticed how people have responded to your thread and have engaged without in others (including me now). I hope that is proof enough that people feel you have something to offer to the forums and that the forums might prove a useful tool to you. A lack of self confidence is a paralysis, it can inhibit almost everything we do and alter our behaviour. These forums seem a great place to gain confidence.

    Good luck!

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    BumLovingCriminal [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello, I'm a little late to this thread, and there are so many people giving great advice, so all I'll say is that the forum is glad to help you sweetie, and I hope you find all the advice you need!

    BLC <3

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks BLC friends like all of you are what i needed

    nice of you to drop in and say hi

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    BumLovingCriminal [sign in to see picture]
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    No worries luvvie! I would have commented earlier but my laptop is being a complete bitch, the screens broken and I've only just managed to get a replacement!

    The anonimity of the forums can be a great help to people with problems. I've only been a forum member since January and already I've confided things that took me years to tell my other half or my friends. I only joined for inspiration for my own sex life, now it feels as though I have a network of people I can discuss the grisly details with, both good and bad!

    As I said, the other members have been great with their advice, and there's nothing really I could add. Do you feel like talking through your problems in the forum has helped you in any way? x

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    more than anything i have ever done im in therapy for my past history troubles, but talking with lots of other people has been good. as no one at home really wants to talk about it to the point were i havent told even my bros most of it, so i still kind of feel like im keeping this massive secret around with me its heavy, its been nice to off load a bit. some people here have really gone above and beyond to help me.

    still along way to go but i think now i stand much less of a chance of making a train wreck of a relationship with the next woman i meet. no one ever told me i was so clueless. so it was a bit of a shock. but it was what i needed to hear. thanks again all

    a bit off thread but im an experienced latin and ballroom dancer, though all where i go are couples in their sixties. do women these days like the idea of a man who can dance like this. as ive been told yesterday to advertise, for a dance partner. but it seems a bit of an odd thing to do. if i got ten replies i wouldnt know what to do it feels like holding auditions. seems wrong to me. i hoped that a woman may turn up by chance but ive been there a long time with no results

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    BumLovingCriminal [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh wow, I'd love to learn latin dancing but Mr BLC would never go for it! Men who can dance and dance well are rare, and it's a very sexy trait!

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    AdnaW keeps asking me to learn to dance...

    To that I say fat chance!

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    BumLovingCriminal [sign in to see picture]
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    Scouse boys can't dance anyway!

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    why WandA dancing the tango dont half make the blood hot, and thats just with my instructor, and i dont think of her that way god I hope she never reads this, so god knows how it will feel if i get to do it with a future OH. they will have turn the fire hose on me.

    so where are all the women

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