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  1. Fluidity and sexuality?

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    ToGildALily [sign in to see picture]
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    So to explain, I don't know if it's changes in libido or that I seem to go through stretches of time where I have 0 interest in love, sex and relationships and am pretty much asexual, a feeling I have now, and then go back to being interested in all that as a hetero woman.

    Long story short it's not the first time I felt this way and in fact I was like this up until I was 23. I have had relationships but often just went a bit dormant in between, sometimes for years. After dumping somebody earlier this year I kind of feel exhausted and can't be bothered with the whole dating thing, but this has come with a side of no interest in meeting new men, no desire for romance and no interest in sex or masturbation. Given that it has been about 7 years since I felt that way, it feels a bit strange to not want intimacy and all of that. I feel like I should but trying online dating again has shown me how nothing about it interests me.

    Not sure if it's because of how the last two relationships ended, both decided they didn't want me because they had met somebody else or found I won't change to fit their vision of a life, but it's weird as it's like a switch has been flipped and I've changed just like that.

    I don't know what thoughts you might have or advice.

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    Witness01 [sign in to see picture]
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    I think the advice that sticks out the most for me is to forget the whole idea about what you should be feeling - intimacy, the desire to be in a relationship, the desire for sex etc...

    ...there is no should really, just you and how you feel...

    I'm single too - and have been for a while, for various reasons...have a high sex drive, but no real urge to share it for the sake of it...

    I'd give yourself a break for a while...

    ...are you happy?

    1523982101
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    If you are happy as you are, perhaps that's so much more important to you than going though the swamp looking at frogs, to see if there's one that's actually a prince. Give your self a breack and don't worry about it, when you are ready to go looking again you will. If you are anything like me, your mind is just making it easy for you to get on with the life that you are happy with; without the hassle of having your libido screaming "men " to you.

    perhaps spend more time with girlfriends, or join a group, like walkers, or cyclists, or go do a pottery course etc. You may even stand a better chance of "bumping' into the right person when you aren't actually looking for him. Then maybe your libido will creep back up on you.

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    ToGildALily [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks. Certainly being single has let me focus on other things like hobbies and just enjoying myself, with making friends as I go. If anything this absence of desire has made me remember what matters to me when it does come to relationships and it's that I am not somebody who doesn't need a connection. It may well be that I just need to wait about to meet somebody who I have that connection with to feel that way again.

    1524022079
    Mr Pheebs [sign in to see picture]
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    TGAL sounds to me like you’re healing. I think Witness sums up my thoughts really well.

    Other thing to remember is that sex can often be linked to stability, people don’t generally have kids in extreme instability and like it or not, sex is ultimately there for that reason... Hell sometimes women’s periods etc...can just stop when the situation is too unstable...

    Words like should, would & could can be toxic if you spend too much time thinking with them. They imply control over past, future and bargaining with an unknown power in the present. Just sit back, don’t worry you’ve lost your sexuality (because you clearly haven’t) and find yourself, your libido will come back when you least expect it too and it will be amazing hon X

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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    Witness01 wrote:

    I think the advice that sticks out the most for me is to forget the whole idea about what you should be feeling - intimacy, the desire to be in a relationship, the desire for sex etc...

    ...there is no should really, just you and how you feel...

    I'm single too - and have been for a while, for various reasons...have a high sex drive, but no real urge to share it for the sake of it...

    I'd give yourself a break for a while...

    ...are you happy?

    All of this ^^

    Also, I wanted to add that I also go through phases like this, where I couldn't be less interested in sex, relationships, masturbation or any sort of intimacy. Sometimes it'll only last a few weeks, other times months. 

    I don't think it's anything to worry about. If you're happy, keep doing you! (or not... 😛)

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    ToGildALily [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks. It's nice to know it's not unusual and is normal.

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