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  1. Advice required from you lovely lovehoney people

    The Monk [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 27
    • Joined: 28 Oct 2016

    Hi everyone

    I need a little advice regarding my sex life......

    My wife and I have been married for 6 years now but unfortunately she has lost her sex drive completely after she got pregnant with our second child who is now a year old.

    We have only had “sex” 3 or 4 times over the past 18 months each time it only being a quickly ( feels like just to keep me happy) I have tried talking to her about it but all I seem to get back from the chats is “ it will get better I promise” and “ stop making me feel like the bad person in this”

    I have never put any pressure whatsoever on her because I know having children is extremely draining.

    I have tried everything to try and put a spark back into the relationship over the 18 months or so from showing lots of effection, gifts, new underwear, flirting and playfulness. But nothing seems to work.

    I know she masterbates but I don’t think she knows I know. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love the fact she does and it’s a fantasy of mine to watch her solo with toys etc ( she does know that too ) but I find it a little upsetting that she will masterbate but not have any intimacy with me.

    I was wondering if any of you lovely people have been through similar and if I was missing something.

    Thanks for taking time to read this

    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7354
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    We did go through what you are experiencing.However in my case it was nearly 14 years after our son began being more independent before things in the bedroom department improved. You wife is right things will improve but perhaps over a long time span.

    How we got our spark back was to introduce more romance and date nights .This brought us together more intermate and after a while without any pressure or anyone suggesting sex it just happened naturally. Basically we learned over again how to love each other if that makes sense and the sex came after.

    If you have good baby sitting cover from the little uns grandparents then perhaps you could get away together for the odd weekend every now and again .This IMO could bring you closer together and perhaps do things or visit places that you did in your dating days together. I wouldn't put pressure on sex .Try to be patient and see if it comes naturally. In the mean time do plenty of cuddling which will make your wife feel loved and secure.

    Good luck

    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2778
    • Joined: 11 Apr 2016

    Hiya! From reading your post it seems that she may not have lost her sex drive as she enjoys solo play. It may be something more psychological, perhaps there's a fear of falling pregnant again. Was your second child an unplanned blessing?

    Having children can set you back with a sex life. You feel less sexy and more mummy. Have a talk with her, try and be as open and honest as you can.

    The Monk [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 27
    • Joined: 28 Oct 2016

    Hi rosychee

    Thank you for your reply very much appreciated.

    Our children were both planned. When we were trying for our youngest she could not keep her hands off me, happened every day for just over a month. Sex was amazing, varied and wanted to try loads of new things and never been so good but literally the moment she fell pregnant it instantly stopped. It was like mission accomplished and that’s when the solo play started.

    I’m am being extremely patient and trying not to put any pressure on. Just being playful, loving and trying to talk about.

    Guessing from the reply’s so far I have to just ride it out carry on what I’m doing and just carry on being there.

    Thanks again

    K&c30's [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 546
    • Joined: 15 Dec 2017

    Hi The Monk,

    My assumption would be that it's a body confidence issue for your wife. When we had a little dry spell it was because of this. It didn't matter what i said or did, constant compliments, buying gifts. The compliments seemed empty after a while because they were so often it just seemed like i was trying to get sex by constantly saying it over and over.

    In the end i said "ok, when you are ready i am here for you, i support and love you." I still complimented her but it was more natural as it wasn't an attempt to make her feel better. Over a couple of months she gradually felt better about herself and our self life started to improve. It was then like the pringles slogan "once you pop you can't stop" she realised that i still found her beautiful and sexy and that i still lusted over her body and that she was worried for now reason and then it was a case of making up for lost time 😀.

    Just ride it out and try not to put to much pressure on it and let it happen naturally if possible.

    Best of luck

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