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  1. Libido Tips

    1522928858
    TinyTom [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 7
    • Joined: 22 Nov 2016

    Hi all,

    I was just wondering if anyone has any good tips for raising Libido for a lady.

    Please do not get me wrong my partner is a very sexy lady who really does enjoy trying new things and in fact has never said no to anything new. However she will go through phases where she just feels like she has no sex drive at all and this can last 3 monts plus sometimes. This can be very frustrating for me as I have a very high sex drive all the time plus I know it frustrates her because she says she would like to but has no drive to do it.

    I do the usual of making sure there is no pressure, I will wash her in the shower and give sensual massages without any implication of sex. I will cook romantic meals and buy her nice gifts without any presure of sex.

    I am sure we are not the only people who experience this and we woul love to know if there may be some things we could try.

    1522933586
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7354
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    I dont think you can rase someones sex drive other than perhaps through medication via a GP.

    What you may have to do is to manage the situation and maximise the enjoyment for when you are both in the mood. We have mismatched sex drives with hers slightly better than mine.

    In my eyes your are doing everything right with romantic gestures which are keeping you close as a couple when sex isnt on the menue.

    1522933641
    Lovehoney - Rebecca [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 163
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2015

    This is a bit of a blase tip because there can be a lot of underlying reasons why a woman is suffering with a low sex drive, including medical issues. There is a lot of very useful information on this forum about low libido which you can search for if you want to know more.

    My tip is more for a woman who recognises that she has a low libido and perhaps wants something to 'boost' her and get her in the mood for feeling like she wants sex. It's not a magic fix and it's not something I recommend a man/woman buys for their partner as a cure for her lack of libido. You say your wife is frustrated, so perhaps my tip will help her out.

    I recommend an orgasm/pleasure gel such as the Lovehoney Ignite gel, Lovehoney Oh! Cherry Balm, Lovehoney Bliss balm or the Lovehoney Desire balm, and popping some on sensitive areas. Nipples, inner thighs, clitoris. In my experience, they send delicious tingles to where you have applied them and you can't help but feel more in the mood and want to jump on your partner! You could offer to apply it to her, too.

    Another tip that's just come to me whilst writing this post is sexy, confidence boosting lingerie. Getting a few key pieces that make you feel super-sexy can do wonders for libido.

    1522935736
    TinyTom [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 7
    • Joined: 22 Nov 2016

    Thank you both for your responses.

    I probably should of put in the original message my partner and I have been together for over 20 years and this has happened all throughout our relationship.

    We have tried various oils lotions and potions and yes the Oh! cherry balm is totally amazing!!!! My partner again as with her sex drive goes through phases of buying lingerie, toys and gels I will buy her little suprises from time to time and suprise her with them.

    It may just be me still thinking we should be acting like we are 18 not our mid 40's. We do chat openly together about our likes and dislikes and thought posting on here may give us a few new things to try as my partner is also bothered by the loss of appetite so to speak.

    1522936085
    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1467
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2005

    My partner gets a slight fire from me just simply telling her she looks good and boosting her confidence. Everyone goes through peaks and troughs though and this is completely healthy and normal. Stressed of life get in the way such as money, tiredness, work, Home life, body image etc and all of these can really cause a lack in any motivation for intercourse or sexual urges.

    As Rebecca said, you can always try and get a booster to see if this helps or maybe look at your diet and see if it contains high fat or gassy foods as this can cause changes in chemicals. Also if any medical condition exists such as depression or prescription medication these can affect someone’s libido. There is no magical cure or potion that can really make someone’s libido soar to great heights but through communication and understanding you can find the underlying issues.

    It could be that things just aren’t how they were at the start and maybe you need to think
    Back at what made you the rampant and fiery couple you was back then. It could also be she has a low sex drive which is complete healthy but can be frustrating for the opposing partner. My suggestion would be to look at what turns her on and what turns you on, maybe it’s an escape away from everything to find the inner flames you both have and rekindle them.

    Maybe get a light bondage kit with a blindfold and surprise her or something sexy to wear. Just bring back the happiness and fun in the relationship .

    1522936721
    Lovehoney - Rebecca [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 163
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2015

    TinyTom wrote:

    Thank you both for your responses.

    I probably should of put in the original message my partner and I have been together for over 20 years and this has happened all throughout our relationship.

    We have tried various oils lotions and potions and yes the Oh! cherry balm is totally amazing!!!! My partner again as with her sex drive goes through phases of buying lingerie, toys and gels I will buy her little suprises from time to time and suprise her with them.

    It may just be me still thinking we should be acting like we are 18 not our mid 40's. We do chat openly together about our likes and dislikes and thought posting on here may give us a few new things to try as my partner is also bothered by the loss of appetite so to speak.

    If this is something that has occurred over a long period of time then I would say in answer to your original question, there are no 'tips' that we can give you that will improve your situation other than - you need to communicate with each other and make sure you're both on the same page and perhaps seek medical advice.

    It sounds to me from what you have posted that she absolutely wants to have sex and is invested in your relationship, because she's frustrated by her lack of libido. Based on that, I would have thought that it's worth chatting to a doctor to see if they can recommend anything to you or perhaps pinpoint a cause/solution to your problem. It is absolutely a thing worth chatting to a medical professional about, even though it might be embarassing/uncomfortable.

    If 'at home' treatments such as toys, lingerie, oils and balms are not working for you both - and this is something you agree on - I'd seek medical advice. I feel like this runs a little deeper for her, based on what you've said, than a lack of spice or variety.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7354
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    TinyTom wrote:

    Thank you both for your responses.

    I probably should of put in the original message my partner and I have been together for over 20 years and this has happened all throughout our relationship.

    We have tried various oils lotions and potions and yes the Oh! cherry balm is totally amazing!!!! My partner again as with her sex drive goes through phases of buying lingerie, toys and gels I will buy her little suprises from time to time and suprise her with them.

    It may just be me still thinking we should be acting like we are 18 not our mid 40's. We do chat openly together about our likes and dislikes and thought posting on here may give us a few new things to try as my partner is also bothered by the loss of appetite so to speak.

    But yes many of us do slow down a little as we get older. So yes perhaps your expectations perhaps need to mirror that .It also fair to say as many of us do get older we tend to experiment more as well , which keeps the spark going and also keeping it interesting for both .

    You only have to see the number of "problems" that couples post about the spark being lost and needing igniting. In your case you have kept the spark going which is good to see and in my eyes you are doing everything right to keep the intimacy going as well.

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    bex1213 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 26 Jan 2011

    I think everything has been basically covered. I just want to wish you good luck with it and express what has helped me in the past.

    I don't know your wife or you but for me I find my libido definitely increases when I'm getting regular exercise and I have a lot of zinc in my diet (spinach, pumpkin seeds, kefir, lamb, etc.). It reacts with the hormone testosterone apparently (I'm not an expert though!).

    1522952030
    Mr Pheebs [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 12 Jun 2016

    TinyTom wrote:

    It may just be me still thinking we should be acting like we are 18 not our mid 40's. We do chat openly together about our likes and dislikes and thought posting on here may give us a few new things to try as my partner is also bothered by the loss of appetite so to speak.

    Hey TT.

    Never ever ever ever base what you should be doing sexually in your age because there isn’t a norm, I work with people in their 20s and people in their 80s and I never know who will ask me questions about sex and intimacy until they ask. You want to bonk like rabbits than go for it!

    Sometimes abstaining from sex and focusing on the intimacy can increase sex drive. Also teases and the likes as extended foreplay like sexting, a light play in the morning followed by a day at work then a liaison at night can help. Mysteron already said, you have a spark which is excellent, nurture it! You’re doing ok 👍

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