Mysteron, that's a great idea and when we started on our "journey" last year we did try a massage session, but it didn't end well. Someone gave me advice on the LH social website to not have sex at the end to "take the pressure" off the pair of us; I think it was good advice and we discussed this before we started the massage. At the end my Wife was very clear that she didn't want to have any oral sex or an orgasm, but she had an expectation that we would have PIV sex afterall; well I declined and she got very cross with me, which peed me off at the time as surely it's a joint choice and not what we agreed. Anyway that's behind us now.
We have discussed giving each other a massage recently again and getting a sheet to cover our bedding. The "stale" smell from the massage oil lingered for a while afterwards when we tried this last year.
So thanks for the suggestion and I'm sure we will try this again shortly. I think last year we were just "starting" to try to improve our relationship and love life and, well, some things just worked or didn't work at that time as we were still "reconnecting" and rekindling our open communications.
The Relate book has actually been very helpful and there is good adivce to recognise that things will go wrong, but not to let it get you down or give up. Just "park" whatever it was and come back to it later.
It's taken time, but I definitely think we are progressing. It's been nice to discuss, last night, this morning, with my Wife as she is recognising that she/we are making progress. She has told me that she really wants our relationship and love life to get better and stronger; it's really great to hear her say that. She also found having the door stop did help her to relax and it was one less thing to "worry" about. I think she is even beginning to believe me when I say I find her sexy. She has a body image confidence issue as her weight has been up and down over the years, but then who hasn't ! Her weight is as low as it's been since her 20's so she is looking fabulous, not that her weight was ever an issue for me I've always found her sexy. She has taken up netball recently, at over 50, and to improve her fitness has also started running. I'm so proud of her, she has just been out with our eldest daughter and they have run 4.2 miles, non-stop for the first time. We have a new thing in common, we both run to keep fit. We have run together, but don't do this routinely as we are at different fitness/experience levels, but it has prompted our daughters to also take up running.
Thanks again for your help and suggestions. It's comforting to know that people on this website care deeply about others and want to help.