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  1. Advice needed

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    ILoveChoco [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 18 Jan 2017

    Hi, I'm new to this community.

    I'm in a relationship that is amazing, we get on so well, however we haven't had sex in a few months. It's not having an impact on our relationship in anyway at all, but I need it (know what I mean).

    I'm quite shy all around and when it comes to initiating sex, I don't know what to do or how to ask for it?? When we have sex, it's amazing, we're not shy, I'm more of a submissive too (from previous relationships, I've always just done what I've been told and enjoyed it).

    I know I'm not very confident in this area, I recently bought a couples set from this site but don't know how to tell him I've bought it.

    AAAAAAAAAAAA!! Help!

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    KingGrthy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 385
    • Joined: 1 May 2016

    Haven’t had sex in a few months? That seems a long time. I’m afraid there is no magic solution for you though. Just talk to him. Sure these topics can be embarrassing to bring up but if you don’t tell each other what you want then it is unlikely that your gonna get it.

    If he likes being dominant or is naturally and you enjoy being submissive then start with talking about that and move on to talking about different ways you can explore that together. Many people think of sexual intimacy as just something that happens sometimes but if you treat it like something you enjoy, do some research, learn about your bodies, think up games and scenarios you can explore, basically study and plan for what you want out of it then it can be whatever you want. That all starts with talking to the person your gonna be doing it with though.

    Good luck

    1522750581
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7354
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Just to add to the above really.

    The dilema you have is quite common . I always view a relationship as an investment. The more you put into it the more you will get from it.

    This type of dlilema can really only be solved by talking about it . I know you say that your submissive , however this should not preclude you from taking the lead within the relationship .

    The best time we found for talking about sex is usually around dinner out or something special at home .You can start the subject goling by initiating a game of footsie under the table. But make sure you remove your shoes ! Having a stilleto in your crotch is an eye watering experience!

    Once the scene is set you should both be able to talk about the subject more comfortably. If you thinking of spicing things up generally then a good way to start that process is going through this site together for ideas etc.

    To do nothing, I dont think is an option. I always view keeping your OH on their toes will stop any camplacency within the relationship . A realtionship is something to be cherrished but does require some work to keep it going by both parties .

    Once you have had a chat and looking for some ideas in spicing things up then seek advice in a similar format as you have already done here . The members on here have many years experience between them and most will be happy to give ideas .

    Good luck

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    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 6578
    • Joined: 18 Dec 2007

    Hi there, how about writing your partner a letter, telling him about your purchase and how you would love to have some play time with it. You could leave your new coulples set on the bed with your letter on it for him to find. Make the letter as sexy as you feel comfortable with - then it's over too him.... 😉 xx

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    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1467
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2005

    I would definitely communicate with your partner and let him know how you feel, he could have a lower sex drive or be stressed at work or in life.
    Some relationships do just run like a rollercoaster with lots of highs and lows so maybe this is just one of them times. Me and my partner have gone weeks without sex before and haven’t even realised due to stressful times or after having a baby etc so just communicate and see how he feels too.

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    More Sexy at 50 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 297
    • Joined: 6 Mar 2017

    Good advice here, don't let it become a "problem", do try to find the courage to speak about it. Alternatively, you can leave sutble hints, like a chemise left on the bed, or lacy knickers etc.., notes or texts dropping hints etc.. Perhaps try to watch a more "sexy" movie together to "get in the mood". From my experience the longer it goes the harder it seems to get to have sex. If you have different sex drives then try to discuss making a routine of it, once a week or how often works for you both. I know it sounds unspontaneous, but actually the anticipation and preparation can be arousing in itself. Also don't be too rigid with the routine, but equally commit to reschedule if you don't feel like sex at that moment.

    Good luck and have courage to speak to him if you can.

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    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7158
    • Joined: 30 Mar 2015

    Hi Ilovechoco my suggestion would be to put a not in his packed lunch, or send a lunchtime text saying something like " I bought something for us to try later" a bit of anticipation never hurt anyone. Then lay the set out on the bed, for when he gets home, and get in the bath with a glass of wine (or cup of tea).

    This gives him time to look at the set and decide what he wants to do, while you relax naked in the bath. He might walk into the bathroom and demand you get out. If so then your there, having suggested fun but also allowed you to remain naturally submissive.

    Worth a try.

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    Ballstein94 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 13
    • Joined: 6 Aug 2017

    hi guys n girls so my problem is I recently got back from skiing in France kept in contact with my girlfriend the entire time I was there she stayed home and everything was normal all are conversations were like they always are but I’ve been home a few days now and she seems off and not behaving like she normally does around me for example she hardly talks doesnt want to be close simple things like hug hold hands that stuff all normal things you do in a relationship she try’s to avoid and it’s got me worried because we was fine before I went France but as soon as I got back everything different I was only gone a week

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7354
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Ballstein94 wrote:

    hi guys n girls so my problem is I recently got back from skiing in France kept in contact with my girlfriend the entire time I was there she stayed home and everything was normal all are conversations were like they always are but I’ve been home a few days now and she seems off and not behaving like she normally does around me for example she hardly talks doesnt want to be close simple things like hug hold hands that stuff all normal things you do in a relationship she try’s to avoid and it’s got me worried because we was fine before I went France but as soon as I got back everything different I was only gone a week

    First of all for posts like this I would recommend that you start a new thread as responses to yours will intermingle with those for the original OP .

    As with all relationships communication is the key. As you are clearly got some concerns then you need to talk as you will not be able to sort things not knowing what the problem is. She may have problems at work or something else . This is what you need to do is to find the root cause . You can only do this by talking to her.

    Once you have found the cause and need further ideas or guidance then come back to us , for help with possible solutions

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    ILoveChoco [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 18 Jan 2017

    I think that's exactly spot on. I can go for ages without having any interest then all of sudden, I'll be ready for a week. I think he is the same.

    I worry too much and over think things. Thanks for your input, it really helps.

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