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  1. Losrmt

    1521471585
    Mrsneedsmore [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 7
    • Joined: 4 Jan 2018

    I feel like my husband doesn't want me like he used to. The last few years I feel like I've made the first move for sex. Tried talking to him bout it but then feel like sex is forced so I can't orgasm.

    I want him but feeling like it's all one sided. Which has left me feeling neglected and hurt cos he would rather look porn than me. I don't want to watch porn. I want him to look at me.

    In the last 18 months I've lost 5 stone and i feel loads better. Id would have thought this would change things but obviously not.

    I've sent pics, got new lingerie and loads more. When we do have sex it's great and I want more. Help!

    1521475872
    K&c30's [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 546
    • Joined: 15 Dec 2017

    Hiya Mrsneedsmore.

    Firstly congratulations on the weight loss thats an amazing achievement.

    I felt the same as you, that i was the one that always had to make the first move and that it seemed as if i was bothering the wife.

    I ended up blowing up about it and thats when we finally had a conversation about things. It turned out that she wasn't happy with certain things going on (not me thankfully) which was affecting her sex drive. We worked on them together and things have improved. Instill bother her for some loving but i guess my drive is just a bit higher than hers.

    As for watching porn and having solo love, sometimes self loving just seems like an easier option as you can have it over quickly. I am not saying it is right but i have done this before. My wife hates porn and i have stopped using it. It wasn't a case of using it as a fantasy but more a visual stimulous.

    I think what i am trying to say in a really long winded way is if you are unhappy have a conversation and make him listen and make him open up as to what you can both do together to help the situation.

    Best of luck.

    1521476447
    Mrsneedsmore [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 7
    • Joined: 4 Jan 2018

    K&c30's wrote:

    Hiya Mrsneedsmore.

    Firstly congratulations on the weight loss thats an amazing achievement.

    I felt the same as you, that i was the one that always had to make the first move and that it seemed as if i was bothering the wife.

    I ended up blowing up about it and thats when we finally had a conversation about things. It turned out that she wasn't happy with certain things going on (not me thankfully) which was affecting her sex drive. We worked on them together and things have improved. Instill bother her for some loving but i guess my drive is just a bit higher than hers.

    As for watching porn and having solo love, sometimes self loving just seems like an easier option as you can have it over quickly. I am not saying it is right but i have done this before. My wife hates porn and i have stopped using it. It wasn't a case of using it as a fantasy but more a visual stimulous.

    I think what i am trying to say in a really long winded way is if you are unhappy have a conversation and make him listen and make him open up as to what you can both do together to help the situation.

    Best of luck.

    Thank you. Sometimes it's just not bout sex, it's affection and the lack of it. Just majority of it is one sided. Tried talking and I just get the same answers all the time. I've had 2 previous relationships like it and it's ended cos as a result.
    1521477671
    K&c30's [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 546
    • Joined: 15 Dec 2017

    I get what you mean, the wife and I both have our different ways. I will give her a hug or a kiss if i am passing by in the house where as she wouldn't. On thr flip side she loves a cuddle and a spoon whilst going to sleep. I hate it with a passion if i am going to sleep i don't want to be smothered 😀. It's just a case of compromise so i will give a little cuddle untill i am ready to sleep and thats me done.

    It's either something that you can live or you can't. I think thats where you need to have a think about things.

    1521541423
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7354
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    I think there could be possibly a few things at play here.

    First of all well done for your weight loss. I can share how you feel about this as I lost a lot of weight myself. I think this could have changed things for you which may have added to the problem.

    I am of course looking at sex drives here. Just maybe because you feel positve about yourself and quite rightly so , this may have driven your sex drive upwards . Therefore you could now have a mismatched sex drive compared to your partner. His maybe lower, as mine is with my partner and yours much higher . This you will probably need to manage and to maximise those occasions when your both up for it.

    Another avenue you could look at is possibly problems he has outside your relationship. Work not going as well as it could do ? Worries like ths can have a negative effect .

    He could be hiding a medical problem. You have probably seen that old Ad about ED whereby the guy thinks of excuses like mowing the lawn at night instead of going to bed with his partner. Although extreme its perhaps something you could mention and support him if necessary .

    Perhaps some ideas/causes to think about .

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