1. Anal issues

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    Bigtrak [sign in to see picture]
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    So I adore anal play, both giving and receiving. But my wife has always been not great on anal penetration. It hurts her as she tenses up. So years ago I did do it and on very rare occasions she will prompt me to try. But we are talking years apart.

    Last night she offered her sexy rear to me and a problem reoccured. I just go soft. I get so turned on but as soon as I try and enter it's no good for anything. Tried for over an hour last night getting hard then try to enter.....noooooo.

    I never have this issue on any other type of sex. All I can think is that my mind goes off on one about hurting her and deflates the old fella to prevent it. I love her more than anything and would never want her in pain and cannot come up with any other reason why.

    Any experience similar or advice.

    1519571695
    Guy14357 [sign in to see picture]
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    I know exactly what you mean same thing happened with an ex. I found that either use a cock ring or some thing like this https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=36868

    1519572217
    hampshirecouple [sign in to see picture]
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    same advice, a good cock ring

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    Alm1 [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you tried using beads/ butt plugs etc over a period of time to allow her to get used to the sensations?
    Build up small and slow with plenty of lube so any discomfort is minimised.
    After this it may be possible for her to relax enough to cope with your penis.

    Also different positions can help- don’t just rely on good old doggie, what about on her back, pillow under her bum n knees up towards her shoulders.
    If it’s to work she has to be relaxed.

    Music, candles, scents and romance can’t hurt but at the end of the day if its not for her then it ain’t.

    1519584846
    Jelly bum 27 [sign in to see picture]
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    I was a complete no way! Not for me until recently. As long as I’m super relaxed I find it much easier for him to enter me. We usually spend a lot more time getting in the mood and i find it more comfortable lay on my back legs up in the air!

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    Knight1119 [sign in to see picture]
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    I haven’t experienced anal, giving or receiving, sorry.

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    VioletWolf [sign in to see picture]
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    Where position is concerned, try having her on her back with you between her legs, prop her up on a cushion if needs be. I find it a more relaxed pose, so less likely to tense up

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    Cross over [sign in to see picture]
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    Start with small toys, build up on size of toys until she is comfortable with a size that is with the size of your fella. Don’t forget plenty of lube enjoy and take care x

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    You are correct, it is you mind preventing you from hurting her, by preventing you from getting hard.

    So as I see it you have 2 problems,

    1: she finds it painful.

    2: you go soft.

    1: You like to recieve anal, so you must know how to work up to it, and that if you do it regularly for a good while you don't need to work up to it quite so much. If she wants to do this for you, she really need to train her anus, and on a regular basis; trying it with long periods in between is asking for it to be painful, at least until you have become totallly used to it. But you know all this, you need to talk to her and explain this is what she would have to do to enjoy it; and it can be extreamly pleasurable once you get the hang of it.

    If she does want to do this, she needs to get used to the idea, and feel of it; and start slowly and with something small. I don't know how you got into it, you may have found it easy, or have had to work at it, I really don't know. It may even be best for her to get a dilator set, of a few dildos of varying girths, starting small, working up to something at least as big as you; with not too big an increase between sizes. Then have a play on her own and find out if she can take to it, when she can be relaxed, as she is not trying to do it for you. I learned on my own, but I would have liked to have done it with someone I trusted, starting with their finger, then two, then a few dildos.

    If she wants to do this give her the option of solo, or with you help, but knowing that it wouldn't be heading for her taking you; but that it would be just her getting used to it, slowly, so that she can learn to eventually do it, and it feel very pleasurable. But she may well not be willing to go this far; in that case I would tell her that you would rather not try than have a go ever few years and risk hurting her. Let her know that this is why you couldn't do it last time, even though you knew she was willing to try for you. That your mind could do this shows just how much you love her; for that much I'm jealous of her.

    2: Your going soft, maybe helped by a cock ring, or other means; but that isn't going to solve the probelm of you knowing you are hurting her, even with her consent. even if you manage it with a cock ring, I reacon you are going to feel a bit down on yourself afterwards. If she would like to learn how to be able to do it and it not hurt, and it indeed become something she would like to do much more often, then you maybe able to work round your problem. Which ever option of going for it she picks, ( assuming she does at all ) there will come the time for you to get involved. But don't just try to get in her at first.\

    What I would say was your best chance of getting past your issue, is to continue helping her to train her anus, to the pint where she is really loving a dildo of your size or just a bit bigger ( girth wise, length doesn't really come into it ). If you are experiencing her enjoying you using that dildo on her, she will no doubt start to want you to be in there. At that point your mind will be possitive that she's going to really love you being in her there, and you probelm will fade. it may take a number of times seeing her love that dildo you are using on her, but I think you would get there; just let yourself really feel the pleasure you are giving her with that dildo, and your mini me will be up for it.

    If she doesn't feel like going down this long path, as I said, I think you should just consign it to one of those things you give up for love; for both your sakes. It's obvious from you asking on here, you are not comrtable with doing it and it hurting her; I feel trying is hurting you too.

    Good luck, which ever way this goes for you.

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    There is more information in these 2 threads, if you were one of those lucky ones who jusy found it easy to do, and need some more info, on how to get there without pain.

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/1663132-1st-time-anal/#p1663242

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/1577699-preparing-for-anal/

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    Knight1119 [sign in to see picture]
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    I must admit anal giving or receiving has never cropped up for me. I would be very wary of hurting her.
    For me I experience pain, sometimes it’s a painful coccyx, painful piles, or passing blood, I’ve had back problems all my life, I always have to be careful having sex.

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