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  1. Ever lost the ability to orgasm?

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    Alm1 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have been using sex toys for a short while now. Usually no problem getting even a clit orgasm but the last two nights I have felt horny and gone for it but even my fave toy hasn’t been able to bring me off.
    Help!

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    LadySpider [sign in to see picture]
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    Good Morning, Alm

    Firstly, hey and welcome to the forums!

    Don't get too anxious, my love, it happens to us all at one time or another. Have you got anything on your mind, something that maybe bothering you and taking 'front place' in your thoughts? That could stop you relaxing enough to be able to come? And maybe you're trying too hard, and thinking 'I gotta do it, man!' and the more you think like that, the harder it will be. My advice is to just chill...get nice and relaxed, then just play with your self-nice and slowly without a thought of coming - just enjoy the sensations your toy is giving you if you come you come, but if you don't - hey ho.... next time! Just enjoy the journey to orgasm... the journey can be just as nice as the destination, innit! Also, don't stick to the same toy - variety is the spice of life... and you may find a less fav toy becomes your new 'go to' product. Have you tried orgasm balm or gel? I find they help me immensely as does lots of lube.

    Really, I very much doubt you've lost the ability to come, its just a tempory glitch, my love. Have lots of fun and keep practicing - you'll get there, I'm sure! xx

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    Humpy Tail [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe your toys aren't upto scratch? From a males perspective I sometime struggle to maintain an erection whilst using my fleshlight, and I'd feel that may be because I'm running tired of the same feeling. Plus it isn't all that sexy when horny digging out a lump of plastic before hand. Whereas sex with my wife I have no issues whatsoever.

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    Knight1119 [sign in to see picture]
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    I find sometimes I can cum a healthy amount, but then the next time it can be hardly any.

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    Mrs Meyer [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow, I was going to ask the exact same question.

    I think LadySpider is right and it makes sense. Perhaps I'm not physically relaxing enough and setting an expectation, a target which I then end up chasing. I’ve bought some new toys recently....which I love but have gone a bit crazy on them. Had sex on Sunday but despite considerable effort from my OH it didn’t happen. Then last 2 nights (solo play) I was wondering if I’d actually broken myself from over use of strong vibrators.

    Recently I have found O's much harder to achieve.....worried it’s my age?! I take St Johns Wort (herbal) and also wondered if that is a factor. difficultly with orgasms is a know side effect of pharmaceutical anti depressants but of course SJW is herbal and relatively mild.

    But glad I’m not the only one......will make a conscious effort just to chill out about it

    And I know what you mean Humpy....fantasising has always been a big part of my solo play....but it’s much harder to do that when you’ve got something slightly weird and alien in your hand, no matter how well designed it is......and especially when it’s making unnatural noises!

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    LadySpider [sign in to see picture]
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    Mrs Meyer wrote:

    I think LadySpider is right and it makes sense. Perhaps I'm not physically relaxing enough and setting an expectation, a target which I then end up chasing. I’ve bought some new toys recently....which I love but have gone a bit crazy on them. Had sex on Sunday but despite considerable effort from my OH it didn’t happen. Then last 2 nights (solo play) I was wondering if I’d actually broken myself from over use of strong vibrators.

    Recently I have found O's much harder to achieve.....worried it’s my age?! I take St Johns Wort (herbal) and also wondered if that is a factor. difficultly with orgasms is a know side effect of pharmaceutical anti depressants but of course SJW is herbal and relatively mild.

    And I know what you mean Humpy....fantasising has always been a big part of my solo play....but it’s much harder to do that when you’ve got something slightly weird and alien in your hand, no matter how well designed it is......and especially when it’s making unnatural noises!I've had this discussion with Mr. Spider so often! Quite often I can't fully orgasm, just that feeling of being right on the verge...then it just fizzles out - I put it down to my meds (I take loads of different types, mainly opiates which I really cannot do without, and epilesy drugs) . Ive learnt to just enjoy - if I come I come, but if not, hey ho....there's always another day! I absolutely refuse to keep going and going, determined to reach a goal I know I'm not gonna reach! I tend to just enjoy the ride, the feelings, the emotions... just ride the waves and see what happens.

    It could be your age, Mrs Meyer - I'm 53 and 4 years clear of the menopause, my pituitary gland was damaged during brain surgery, so my hormone levels are out of wack - that's can also be the cause all kinds of sexual dysfunction. You just need a blood test to find out if yours is working ok, you have to ask for the right test though as so many GP's give a routine blood test which shows nothing, usually you have to have it done very early in the morning.

    One thing I've found helpful is using Kegal weights - I don't use the ball type, I got the medical ones which are shaped like cones or tear-drops - mine are teardrop shaped, they go up in weight value as your pelvic floor gets stronger. I have found since using them, I can orgasm more often and much stronger! Even if you haven't had babies or vag births, the natural drop in estrogen women have as we age weakens pelvic floor muscles. I have a friend who was adamant that she wouldn't have 'lady leakage' because she hasn't had children... but it's happened regardless!

    Hey, have you talked to your GP about using SJW? I've studied aromatherapy and herbal medicine, SJW can be quite dangerous if taken with other meds. You should never mix it with any type of seizure medication, for example. SJW works on the genitourinary system...so it could easily affect sex drive and the ability to orgasm. It can also cause agitation and anxiousness and the ability to relax. So take with care! If you want to go the natural route with meds, I think aromatherapy is much gentler and less likely to cause side effects - if used properly!! Bergamot, lavender, chamomile, and ylang-ylang are brilliant relaxation oils and are often used to treat mild depression. Use sparingly though - just 3 or 4 drops in the bath with a carrier oil to help them disperse in the water or up to 6 drops in a desert spoon of carrier oil for massage.

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    scotman [sign in to see picture]
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    From a mans perspective. Due to medication and a operation that went a bit wrong I have difficulties in having the ability to orgasm. Also maintaining an erection. I’ve tried my normal toys, due to operation still can’t use my prostrate toys at present. Any ideas folks?

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    I’ve had problems orgasming when I can’t relax enough or my medicines interfered. It’s frustrating but focusing on not being able to makes it harder on the next attempt in my experience.

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    Alm1 [sign in to see picture]
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    Valerian n hops bath salts r really relaxing. Lady Spider 🕷 I think you were right. Too much on my mind and trying too hard.
    Had a rest a couple of days then tried again. All back to fulfilling normal.
    Thanks for the support guys.
    Xxx

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    Alm1 [sign in to see picture]
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    Valerian n hops bath salts r really relaxing. Lady Spider 🕷 I think you were right. Too much on my mind and trying too hard.
    Had a rest a couple of days then tried again. All back to fulfilling normal.
    Thanks for the support guys.
    Xxx

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    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
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    I glad your feeling better, but it's well know stress is the demon of pleasure.

    Too much stress recognised and achknowledge or not will kill you libido. It came as a big shock to me the first time, but you learn to accept it and adapt. Things will and do get better.

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    LadySpider [sign in to see picture]
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    Alm1 wrote:

    Valerian n hops bath salts r really relaxing. Lady Spider 🕷 I think you were right. Too much on my mind and trying too hard.
    Had a rest a couple of days then tried again. All back to fulfilling normal.
    Thanks for the support guys.
    Xxx

    Yayyyyy! Bet you were so relieved, and happy...and a little smug afterwards! lol.

    I can't use valerian because of it's affects on the central nervous system, Alm - I used to drink a tea containing it, so asked my consultant and he really advised against it. I suppose the tiny amount in bath salts would be fine though... I know it's often used to treat epilepsy, I really am trying to investigate and find a natural remedy to reduce my seizures - I hate every epilepsy medication I've tried, the side effecsare nasty! xx

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    Alm1 [sign in to see picture]
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    I’ve had some real libido killing antidepressants in the past and it’s soul destroying. The one I’m on at the mo seems to be good tho - no negative effect overall on my sex drive. In act the first few weeks on it I thought I was going to become a sex addict completely couldn’t get enough.
    Wonder - can this be a side effect. Must ask my consultant( he’ll be mortified!!!).

    Drugs for long term conditions can be such a trade off but without good sex what is life?

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    Witness01 [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah - about 18 months ago I used electrics and edged for several days straight...afterwards, I just couldn't tip myself over the edge...I thought it was my balls getting revenge for zapping them with electricity for so long...it sorted itself out after a while but I was a little bit "oh crap, you've done it this time mate"...

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    Fredster [sign in to see picture]
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    I have an enlarged prostate and recently finding it difficult to cum with partner.. no problems on my own but can sometimes take longer.

    its not an easy subject to approach with my new partner who thinks she’s doing something wrong when I don’t cum.

    i just put it down to the prostate problem, it may not be that but I can live with finishing myself off at a later time.

    it does get infuriating though when you’re at it for two to three hours and still no cum

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    Witness01 [sign in to see picture]
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    I rarely orgasm the first time or two with a new partner - doesn't matter how attractive I find them or turned on I am...it's not anxiety or anything like that. I like it long and slow these days anyway, really getting the most out of the sensations and every single thrust...just takes my body a while to connect with the other person - this is partly why I'm not too fussed about sexing with just anyone...if there isn't some deeper connection then, well, I've done it all before and I might as well just take care of myself.

    I meditate a lot and have for years and I feel as if my preferences for sex are moving along a weird, spiritual, altered states kind of path...

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