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  1. Should I Put Up With Anal Because I Love Him?

    1266697924
    baby.d0llo9 [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok, so I really love my man, he is my first boyfriend, and I would try anything with him, when we first got together (I was 16) we tried anal, and I hated it, I mean really hated it, it was painful and it just felt wrong (I even cried thru it) and recently,

    (I’m now 19) and a few weeks ago I kissed another guy, because I wasn't happy... I know I shoulda talked to my partner but as I have said in my other post, the relationship isn’t all that great and the other guy made me feel happy which I haven’t felt in a while and made me feel attractive (the Kate Nash song foundations kinda reflects how I feel) and I told my partner,, so now he always wants anal as to prove I loved him I gave him anal once ~ his reasoning was he saw on some program that it would show I still love him, and want to be with him (I think he just like anal and wanted to guilt me in to it) And now I keep having to give my partner anal I told him I don’t like it but he says he really does and I feel bad for saying no.. Because I do love him but I also think things in our relationship should change.

    Should I put up with this, or should I tell him straight no more anal even if it means we break up?

    There is also the issue of I have no family where I live, so if he did dump me I would have to move in to a hostel as my mates cant put me up and my family live over 100miles away and I have no car,, it’s a 3 hour journey on a train and the tickets are £34, and I’m a student so I personally have no income

    1266698475
    BumLovingCriminal [sign in to see picture]
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    He basically asked you to do anal to prove you love him? Oh sweetie, you shouldn't have to put up with that at all! If he really, truly loved you he wouldn't dream of pressuring you into something you find painful or degrading.

    I don't think you should consider staying with him a second longer. sorry honey but he sounds like a loser and you deserve so much better. Beg, steal or borrow the money and go to your family. They will love and support you through this difficult time, that's what families are for.

    I know you love him sweetie but you need to love yourself more. He's abusing your good nature, and it needs to stop.

    Just my opinion honey, good luck in whatever you do x

    1266698687
    talisman [sign in to see picture]
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    yea get out of the hun xxxxxxx im sure if u tell your family they would help u out or even your friends

    1266699022
    baby.d0llo9 [sign in to see picture]
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    My friends know that I put up with it, they are all 17 but they are the only friend I have here and they just ask me why, so I just kinda laugh it off and say because he wanted it...

    My family don’t know and frankly its not the kinda thing I want to tell them... one because I don’t want to worry my mum because she has a long term illness,, and secondly if my dad knew he would prob flip and want to beat my OH up... even though dad is nearly 53 and I don’t want that to happen... My friends would help if they could but they all live with family... so it’s not up to them and I don’t want to inconvenience them

    1266699853
    BumLovingCriminal [sign in to see picture]
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    You don't necessarily have to tell your parents what happened honey, just tell them you broke up (grew apart, felt better as friends, etc) and would just like to come home for a little bit while you bounce back and sort yourself out. They'll probably love to have you home for a little while anyway. To be honest, parents are more intuitive than you think, and wil probably have already their suspicions that your boyfriend is a wrong'un, so they'll more than likely be glad you've ditched him without you having to tell them why!

    I guess you're in Uni? Speak to them, I'm sure they'll give you all the help and support you need to find your own place once you've picked yourself back up. I was made homeless while I was at college years ago, and with their help I got my own flat (it was sheltered accomodation, but it was MY place, I wasn't relying on anyone else and it felt gooood!).

    You seem like a lovely girl, and no-one should make you feel the way you do now. Be strong x

    1266700653
    baby.d0llo9 [sign in to see picture]
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    We have other relationship problems... which are said in my other thread... My mum knows I’m not happy... she and my dad think I should leave him... but my mum understands as in her 1st relationship it was an unhealthy relationship and it took her 10years to leave.. But she hopes it won’t take me as long... I do admit I know I should probably leave him... but despite it all I do love him... I think he loves me he says he does...

    I would talk to my tutors but its just like your my tutor my mum doesn’t even know how bad it is so I’m not going to tell a tutor my personal issues... until my mum said she knew I wasn’t happy and I should leave I thought I was doing a good job at convincing everyone things were fine.

    There is also a part of me that is scared... of what I’m not sure... I just know that I would struggle on my own and feel bad because the relationship failed... but at the same time I know I’m not unattractive and I don’t fear that I would end up 40 with a load of cats for company the fact that I kissed someone.. (While we weren’t drunk) proved that to me... and if I’m honest it did boost my ego thinking wow I am attractive... I hope this doesn’t make people think I’m a bad person

    1266701622
    mbtoo [sign in to see picture]
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    Certainly don't think your a bad person but definitely think you should leave him. If you love somebody you don't blackmail them into doing something that you know they hate and upsets them. Hope you find the self belief to leave.
    And looking at your picture I'd say you are very attractive! :-)

    1266701730
    BumLovingCriminal [sign in to see picture]
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    Who can blame you for wanting a little attention, honey? I'm impressed you had the willpower to stop at a kiss! I've had a quick look through some of your other posts and I geniunely can't believe you've put up with him for so long!

    My OH has an XBox, and loves it to pieces. He knows, however, that I get bored shitless watching him play it for hours on end. You know what he does? Plays it when I'm at work, or relaxing in the bath, or out with friends. When I want to sit in the living room room, he'll happily turn it off and come snuggle up to me on the sofa.

    Before I became such a pro at taking it up the ass (his words, not mine!), my first time was awful. It was scary and it really hurt. You know what he did? He stopped straight away. He said if I didn't like it we never had to do it ever again, no matter how much he loves it (and believe me, he LOVES it!). I only did it again because I wanted to, not because I felt guilty.

    The way he treats me shows me not only that he loves me, but that he respects me too. THAT'S what you deserve. You seem to think about others far more than you think about yourself, but right now you need to think about Number One!

    Coping on your own is a struggle at first, I won't lie. It's hard for everyone. But things get better, and easier. Then you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner. You don't have to tell Uni everything, just let them know you're having accomodation issues after a break-up, I'm sure they won't feel the need to pry. x

    1266702522
    Puppies77 [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh hun this is all so very wrong, you should never let somone do something to you if you don't like it. And the other person should respect that.

    I went through a few short term relationships that were a bit like what you are going through. When I was 19 I had split up with a lovely guy and wanted to find someone to love me, I thought love was giving someone what they wanted. I had not done much oral and in one relationship he said he really liked it but i really didn't want to do it. He kept asking so i finally gave in and it was the most horriffic thing i went through, it still upsets me now. He basically face fucked me, I asked him to stop but he wouldn't listen so I thought i'd just let him finish. I just felt like a rag doll. I left him after that, made up some lame excuse and tried my best to avoid him.

    In another relationsip not long after I went in the bathroom one morning and X followed me in, he wanted a quicky and I wasn't really in the mood, but he kept saying come on i thought you really liked me, I didn't want to up set him so let him fuck me over the toilet. I look back and laugh now cos i remember thinking I needed to clean the toilet.

    I had 10 partners before I found my OH and I only ever enjoyed sex with two of them. I always let them do what they wanted because I thought it was what i was ment to do if someone liked me.

    Looking back now i can see it was abuse or assault. Thankfully that is all behind me and im with a wonderful caring guy that would never make me do what i didn't want to.

    I've waffled on a bit sorry but it's something i feel strongly about. Hunny never let anyone do something to you just because they like it.

    Think what advice you would give to somone in your situation. xx

    1266702602
    baby.d0llo9 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks mbtoo I appreciate that... It’s just so much easier said than done.

    Bumovingcriminal: I have put up with it, because at first I thought maybe after years of reading mills and boon romance books maybe I have a wrapt sense of how life really is... i geniuenly thought relationships were ment to be how mine was.. Wasn’t until my best mate got a boyfriend that I realised how wrong I think I am... It was hard to stop were it did... and i started to have feeling for the guy it wasnt like i just met him and snoged him... we was friends... he is a great guy but im no longer his friend due to the fact i started to fall for him and i cant be his friend right now as it would be my personal hell.. But I always think about him... and always look for him when ever im out... silly but i can’t stop thinking of him.

    The thing I firstly need to do is have the strength to say this isn’t working... to my OH, uni and my mates... i need the courage to know i can make it... i just hope i get it soon... i struggle with confidence and my self image.. I hope I get strong soon.

    1266702910
    baby.d0llo9 [sign in to see picture]
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    Puppies77 it's o.k. that you waffled on and I know deep down that your advice is right.. I did kind of giggle at the toilet bit sorry. It's ironic I think they call it..

    I feel exactly like you did thinking if I love some one I should give them what they want.. if my best friend was going through this I would tell her to get out and I would offer to let her move in, The thing is advice is so much easier said than done

    1266704670
    Jonno [sign in to see picture]
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    ok, I'm going to be a blunt bastard here

    GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE! IF HE'S TREATING YOU LIKE THAT, THEN LEAVE HIM

    1266704737
    BumLovingCriminal [sign in to see picture]
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    You WILL find the strength sweetie, you are beautiful and intelligent, and I wish you the best of luck. Remember we are all here to talk if you need us *hugs and squishes* x

    1266705411
    Mistress Morticia [sign in to see picture]
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    I know I'm not one to offer advice really given I'm being a bit silly with my guy who has previously cheated, but I've been in an abusive relationship and you do NOT have to do ANYTHING if you find it uncomfortable, painful or wrong. That is sexual blackmail and very wrong by either a man or woman.

    If sex/love making is not being carried out by CONSENTING adults, then it is abuse and effectively rape.

    Trust me, if my partner told me he went with other women because I was refusing to do something I expressed physically hurt me and made me feel sick or something, and he would only be faithful if I did the things I didn't like, I would certainly leave him no question.

    1266705598
    Puppies77 [sign in to see picture]
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    baby.d0llo9 wrote:

    Thanks mbtoo I appreciate that... It’s just so much easier said than done.

    Bumovingcriminal: I have put up with it, because at first I thought maybe after years of reading mills and boon romance books maybe I have a wrapt sense of how life really is... i geniuenly thought relationships were ment to be how mine was.. Wasn’t until my best mate got a boyfriend that I realised how wrong I think I am... It was hard to stop were it did... and i started to have feeling for the guy it wasnt like i just met him and snoged him... we was friends... he is a great guy but im no longer his friend due to the fact i started to fall for him and i cant be his friend right now as it would be my personal hell.. But I always think about him... and always look for him when ever im out... silly but i can’t stop thinking of him.

    The thing I firstly need to do is have the strength to say this isn’t working... to my OH, uni and my mates... i need the courage to know i can make it... i just hope i get it soon... i struggle with confidence and my self image.. I hope I get strong soon.

    But you are strikingly beautiful

    1266707028
    baby.d0llo9 [sign in to see picture]
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    Jonno im sure you coulda put that more nicely

    Thanks BumLovingCriminal its nice that people are so supportive

    mistress morticia, i dont agree with ur comment.. i dont class it as the R word,,, And it has nearly happened to me once which puppies77 is why i suffer with confidence and my self image

    1266707897
    Jonno [sign in to see picture]
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    sorry hun, I know it was out place, but I've seen mates in this sort of situation before, and sometimes the harsh reality needs to be said

    1266707997
    Puppies77 [sign in to see picture]
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    I sulffer self image problems mysef and am having counciling. have you concidered it yourself? x

    1266708011
    baby.d0llo9 [sign in to see picture]
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    I know what i should do.. but im not strong enough to do it !! but thanks anyway!

    1266708480
    baby.d0llo9 [sign in to see picture]
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    i havent thought about seeing one.. I never really thought i should.. ive been like this since i was 14 which was when it nearly happened.. i started having councilling but they just pressured me to talk about it when i wasnt ready so i stopped going

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