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  1. To seduce the cheater.

    1266623296
    Mistress Morticia [sign in to see picture]
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    OK let me put this into a bit more perspective. I have recently found out that my OH of nearly 18yrs has had "relations" with a few girls off of a adult dating site. I found this out by finding the phots taken in his and his mums room, (durrr), but I must add about 2 and a half years ago.

    As I mentioned in my intro thread, I am a full time carer for a family member and have been for 8 years. I've never been small but about 6 years ago I started putting on a lot of weight and although a few stone has gradually gone, I'm still struggling and in reality not some hot bird. I know my OH is not into girls my size and thus his attentions waned and obviously went elsewhere.

    There are a few mitigating factors in that I don't see him much as I'm rather a prisoner at home, he works long hard hours and I was his first. He always complained I had had sex from 16, (not constantly but with a few long term bf's), and he never had.

    OK there is no excuse to cheat but if boot was on the other foot I may have left him.

    Now, in the last couple of years things have started to get a lot better between us, though no sex as he says he can't get it up anymore, (ohh isn't guilt wonderful lol). I have come off of a depot injection which was no longer needed and my libido has gone through the roof. I have bought loads of lovely toys which I am having a lot of fun with.

    OK so back to the cheater. He wants us to settle down and is trying to buy us a home - he's saving and obviously I can't as I care full time. Money is benefits which are stupidly low.

    I don't want to "spoilt the party" at this time and fall out and have arguements as I had a rough year last year and had a death in the family. So on consultation with 2 friends, they agreed with me that knowledge is power, I don't have to sleep with him at this time so I don't have to go on about STI's and stuff, and I am slowly losing weight and what better way to make him squirm than to get him interested but keep distance.

    They also said as bad as his behaviour is, that it could have been a blip and that many people our age have been married and divorced by now, and if he wasn't getting anything, well.......

    So, my question, dear forum is how to seduce the cheater?

    I have bought some Booty Parlour Don't Stop perfume with a hope to get him more friendly, as it were. But I won't know if it works til I see him on Sunday. Anyone got any other tips?

    Just humour me - go on. I know once a cheat always a cheat but I have nothing to lose at this time and we are very friends.

    1266623854
    Puppies77 [sign in to see picture]
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    Personally I would have his balls on a plate :S but thats just me lol

    Its a shame if hes been browsing because you had put on weight. I used to be a size 8 when me and my husband first got together. 10 years and 4 children later i am a 14 and not perfect, but he sees me as beautiful. He really should of talked to you if he felt the need to roam, but from what you said he does sound regretful.

    How do you want to seduce him? Is it show him what he's missing, or, lets get it back together??

    1266623866
    Puppies77 [sign in to see picture]
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    Personally I would have his balls on a plate :S but thats just me lol

    Its a shame if hes been browsing because you had put on weight. I used to be a size 8 when me and my husband first got together. 10 years and 4 children later i am a 14 and not perfect, but he sees me as beautiful. He really should of talked to you if he felt the need to roam, but from what you said he does sound regretful.

    How do you want to seduce him? Is it show him what he's missing, or, lets get it back together??

    1266623925
    Puppies77 [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh not sure how i did the double post

    1266624438
    Sam66 [sign in to see picture]
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    I am a cheater - at the time on my wife of 17 years.

    No excuses (but there were reasons, but to ennumerate them woud be wrong.) - I fell deeply in love with another woman and she with me. I miss her daily. But that's as things must be because I DO love my wife too - so much. Despite appearances. Sometimes dreadful things happen - and n this case, love was dreadful.

    We have just celebrated our 20th Wedding Anniversary - and blissfully so.

    The way she 'won' me back was simple. Real, wholly undeserved, utter and complete love and forgiveness. It was that that made me remember where my real life lay. No trying to get her own back. And because of that she 'won'. And I'm so grateful.

    She loves me with a love I am not worthy of and it's so humbling.

    Love, real love, is the greatest sdeucer of all.

    1266624555
    Mistress Morticia [sign in to see picture]
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    LOL the anomoly of a forum.

    Well I was sort of hoping firstly that if this Booty Parlour stuff worked he would be attracted and thus on the few occasions we go to gigs and stuff, maybe other blokes and his mates may pick up on it and show a more friendly attention to me.

    I've never been anywhere near a size 8 I'm afraid! LOL I would love to be a size 14. I'm sure someone will eventually come out with the fact that if I want attention I need to look after myself - which is true.

    I'm really wanting to get him wondering and as I lose weight get him terribly frustrated because I know he'll never expect me to sleep with him if he has played - the photos didn't show sex but you don't go searching just for a blow job now do you? Who would go to all that trouble?

    Oh this is hard to explain but I want him to gain the interest and then have the dilemma of how to tell me - because he will eventually, and I just want to see his face as I smugly pronounce I knew all along. He'll know there is nowhere to hide then.

    I want to excuse the term, fuck with his mind and excentuate his guilt, without going through the usual arguements and shouting and crying people do. I may have grown large but I have always wanted to be a Dominatrix and this way he'll end up feeling guilty rather than angry at me for finding it.

    I hope that isn't too complicated and is clear.

    xx

    1266624700
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Mistress Morticia wrote:

    OK let me put this into a bit more perspective. I have recently found out that my OH of nearly 18yrs has had "relations" with a few girls off of a adult dating site. I found this out by finding the phots taken in his and his mums room, (durrr), but I must add about 2 and a half years ago.

    As I mentioned in my intro thread, I am a full time carer for a family member and have been for 8 years. I've never been small but about 6 years ago I started putting on a lot of weight and although a few stone has gradually gone, I'm still struggling and in reality not some hot bird. I know my OH is not into girls my size and thus his attentions waned and obviously went elsewhere.

    Not exactly an excuse!

    There are a few mitigating factors in that I don't see him much as I'm rather a prisoner at home, he works long hard hours and I was his first. He always complained I had had sex from 16, (not constantly but with a few long term bf's), and he never had.

    Fair enough if he doesn't like it, not something he can help but to hold it against you if he is, is unacceptable. You might want to ask are you together for the right reasons or simply comfort.

    OK there is no excuse to cheat but if boot was on the other foot I may have left him.

    Some refreshing honesty (not that you haven't been honest here but many people overlook their own responsibilty and only blame the other half). I'd only mention again maybe you are together for the wrong reasons.

    Now, in the last couple of years things have started to get a lot better between us, though no sex as he says he can't get it up anymore, (ohh isn't guilt wonderful lol). I have come off of a depot injection which was no longer needed and my libido has gone through the roof. I have bought loads of lovely toys which I am having a lot of fun with.

    Its a good start! If you do truely believe he is guilty then at least it shows he cares! I don't get the impression you are that bothered though? Most people display some jealousy or anger... you seem a bit too cool (maybe time has played it part) do you want to work at what you have?

    OK so back to the cheater. He wants us to settle down and is trying to buy us a home - he's saving and obviously I can't as I care full time. Money is benefits which are stupidly low.

    I don't want to "spoilt the party" at this time and fall out and have arguements as I had a rough year last year and had a death in the family. So on consultation with 2 friends, they agreed with me that knowledge is power, I don't have to sleep with him at this time so I don't have to go on about STI's and stuff, and I am slowly losing weight and what better way to make him squirm than to get him interested but keep distance.

    This might seem a sweet dish, but is it only in the short term? Obviously I wouldn't suggest having sex if he isn't checked but using sex as a weapon can lead to bad consequences. 'Squirming' is certainly not going to be fun for him! Maybe he cheated for certain reasons that 'squirming' might encourage. Did he feel he lacked intimacy etc... As I said, it might prove satisfying but maybe counter productive.

    They also said as bad as his behaviour is, that it could have been a blip and that many people our age have been married and divorced by now, and if he wasn't getting anything, well.......

    So, my question, dear forum is how to seduce the cheater?

    I have bought some Booty Parlour Don't Stop perfume with a hope to get him more friendly, as it were. But I won't know if it works til I see him on Sunday. Anyone got any other tips?

    'Seduce'? In what sense, if he has cheated and isn't checked out maybe its better to take that sunday as a day to talk. Let him know you are willing to work for what you have and maybe direct him to this site and shop together!

    Just humour me - go on. I know once a cheat always a cheat but I have nothing to lose at this time and we are very friends.

    Not always. Some people have moments of weakness, depression etc... If guilty it might of been a blip, a chance to get some attention.

    I hope some of these suggestions provide something to think about. Don't take it as gospel, I know wayyyyyy less than you but I hope they help you address your situation a little.

    Good luck.

    1266625041
    Mistress Morticia [sign in to see picture]
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    Sam66 wrote:

    I am a cheater - at the time on my wife of 17 years.

    No excuses (but there were reasons, but to ennumerate them woud be wrong.) - I fell deeply in love with another woman and she with me. I miss her daily. But that's as things must be because I DO love my wife too - so much. Despite appearances. Sometimes dreadful things happen - and n this case, love was dreadful.

    We have just celebrated our 20th Wedding Anniversary - and blissfully so.

    The way she 'won' me back was simple. Real, wholly undeserved, utter and complete love and forgiveness. It was that that made me remember where my real life lay. No trying to get her own back. And because of that she 'won'. And I'm so grateful.

    She loves me with a love I am not worthy of and it's so humbling.

    Love, real love, is the greatest sdeucer of all.

    I totally agree hence why I am working the way I am. I do love him and for me to tell him I know means he will go into meltdown. Especially as I suspect he may have left this all behind. I can't be sure though.

    He has told me he loves me more than I could ever know - now this could be for being such a fool and he gets away with it or it could mean that he's tried it and although he spent about a year having fun, he knows it is me he truely loves.

    So whatever it may sound like, I don't want my own back but I do want him to have to come clean. I don't want to force it and for him to hate me for finding out. I hope I'm making sense, but I do want a little more attention - even a bum slap or touching of the boobs as he always used to do.

    1266625379
    Kitty_McPlunder [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm not going to lecture you about his cheating, or forgiveness, or guilt-tripping etc etc since you've probably heard it all before, and i see nothing wrong with wanting to be desired again!!

    I will say this though; Self confidence is actually very seductive, so i wouldnt worry *too* much about weight loss and try to have confidence in the way you are (easier said than done i know - as a squishy size 22 myself) but swanning around him looking foxy and actually FEELING it too can be a huge turn-on for you and the people around you.

    1266625533
    Puppies77 [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh so he doesn't know that you know???

    1266625609
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Puppies77 wrote:

    Oh so he doesn't know that you know???

    Keep up Pupps!

    1266625629
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    I think cheating is sometimes understandable (not excusable or acceptable). Relationships take work, and when problems hit, some people find it easy to cheat. I know my WandA never would cheat but if he did, if there was no emotion involved (I couldn't cope if he loved someone else - but fucking is different) and it was just pure sex, and the circumstances made it understandable (but not acceptable) then I would forgive him. It would take a hell of a lot of work but we have a relationship where we both work for each others happiness and I couldn't throw that away.

    In terms of how you deal with it - I always think communication is the answer. What's stopping your guy getting an STI check without you knowing? He may have sex with you anyway, without ever telling you, he may think it kinder (if WandA cheated and it met the conditions above I'd rather not know as long as it was never, ever, ever going to happen again), he may actually have stopped fancying you and doesn't actually feel any guilt (it's a possibility if he's never explicitly told you he feels guilty - although you know better than I would if there are other things pointing to his guilt!). There are so many little things that could hinder the "healing" process (if that's what you're aiming for). I've always thought communication is vital, me and WandA have such a strong relationship due to a long distance relationship for 3 years as it meant we had to talk - it's all we had. We're much stronger because of it. I personally, would tell your partner you know and sit down and talk about it. It's the only way to truely know where the two of you stand.

    Of course feel free to ignore me just throwing another opinion into the ring

    Good luck

    Ax

    1266625901
    Sam66 [sign in to see picture]
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    Self confidence - YES! My wife has that is ooodddllees - far more than she realises.

    It wasn't for me to do with looks. My wife is a cracker ...

    If he doesn't know then I reckon you ought to tell him you do - have it out. Do the screaming, shouting etc etc. I'm told it's very cathartic. Anything else (in my experience anyway) simply hides and denies the emotions being felt.

    Or if you genuinely don't feel like doing any of those things then good on you - you're a remarkable woman.

    In my case the screaming and shouting helped me to begin to realise what I was fucking up.

    1266626432
    Mistress Morticia [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you all for you advice.

    To be totally fair here, if this was a blip and he was putting it behind him, I wouldn't like to rub extra salt in the wound by telling him I found out by searching the internet. That, in itself shows distrust and I know him well enough to say that would really hurt him deeply, however wrong it is for him to cheat.

    I did cry and hyperventilate and called my friend and she calmed me down. I am also very aware that when sex breaks down in a relatioship it's not acceptable or and excuse but understandable for the other party to possibly look for sex elsewhere. I also must've known deep down as it was me who went off of sex and he does or did have a higher sex drive than me. And being entirely fair - you can't just switch a sex drive off.

    Also, I was abused and raped by an ex and I would think in his mad scrambled guilty thinking he would actually not want me to know because after me finally pouring my heart out to him and struggling with my own intimacy issues and going off of sex, he knows it would be the ultimate betrayal.

    But does a cheater really want to set up home with the person they say they can't fancy at the moment? I mean why would he? Why didn't he just leave me or just make it a friendship and go from there?

    Of course I want to lure him back but I want him to come clean and to have a little fun on the way will help my healing and being able to deal with it.

    1266626635
    Mistress Morticia [sign in to see picture]
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    Just to make it clear - I don't want to hurt him. I do love him and revenge is not my style. I just want him to not just love me but luuuuuuuuuurve me - if you get my meaning.

    1266626733
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Well then I'd suggest a talk. It might be arkward and difficult but if he appears to have gotten over his barriers maybe its time for you to get over yours and talk.

    Good luck.

    1266626891
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Mistress Morticia wrote:

    Just to make it clear - I don't want to hurt him. I do love him and revenge is not my style. I just want him to not just love me but luuuuuuuuuurve me - if you get my meaning.

    Maybe he now does, like Sam66 explained for him. You'll only know if you ask!

    1266626963
    Puppies77 [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    Puppies77 wrote:

    Oh so he doesn't know that you know???

    Keep up Pupps!

    I'ts moving so quick on ere tonight......and im getting old

    Sound's like you have been through some heavy stuff.
    Have you not thought of confronting him, saying that you suspected and that you found out by searching.

    What if he never tells you, would you be able to carry on with it eating you up inside??

    Maybe im just to open, I can't imagine what i would do unless i was in that situation myself :(

    1266627034
    Puppies77 [sign in to see picture]
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    Mistress Morticia wrote:

    Just to make it clear - I don't want to hurt him. I do love him and revenge is not my style. I just want him to not just love me but luuuuuuuuuurve me - if you get my meaning.

    I definatly think its the time for the lets sit down n talk chat

    xx

    1266627068
    Sam66 [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes, Good luck indeed.

    You've got to talk. It'll be hard and awkward, but apart from anything else you need to know what his reasons were. My wife knows my reasons and TOGETHER we sorted them out. Or at least, are well on the way. But that can only be done by having a talk. It was horrid, but ultimately worthwhile.

    I was found out because my wife looked at my mobile phone (snooping as I called it at the time!) - and whilst it was horrid, I'm glad in hindsight she did as it stopped the affair going any further and me doing permanent damage to "us".

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