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  1. Struggle sex

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    Lewisfjarrett [sign in to see picture]
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    Silly as it sounds, its really harfd to get in. The missis is small and i am on the larger side, whichever position we try, lubes, it hurts her once the tip is in. Comfiest position is us bith sat like upright her on my lap, but still not much goes in. Anyone help? Ideally dont want to go to doctors if possible..

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    Xialos [sign in to see picture]
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    Possibly vaginismus.

    1517238813
    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey Lewis, sounds like it’s a case for the doctor or possibly it’s down to a bit of a mental block.

    Maybe if this is a big issue between you (spoken about a lot and made to be an issue) then chances are she’s getting frustrated which can cause a lot of muscles to contract. I would first suggest taking things extremely slow, maybe get a small dildo or vibe which is really smooth and just do a little foreplay with this, once she’s comfortable and heated up enough then apply some lube and see how far you can go. Make sure to stop if she feels any irritation etc, but If your finding small toys and fingers to be a struggle then I would suggest she speaks to a doctor, she can choose to see a female doctor and they Undertand if things are worrying or scary to the patient and will take that into consideration.

    Also try a thicker lube to see if this helps, as some lubricants can be thin and not really do much at all.

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    MissDoll [sign in to see picture]
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    I feel you since I have experienced exactly the same thing when I first started having sex. I used to feel pain no mattter what after my partner's tip was in, and he was quite average not so much on the bigger side.

    Is she at her first few sex experiences? You know, we used to think our hymen breaks all at once when we lose our virginity, but it is simply not true. The hymen gradually stretches a little at a time the first few times we have sex, and this is the cause of pain during penetration for a while after you officially lost your virginity.

    For me, it took a few months to be totally free of pain and to not see a little blood in my panties after sex. I solved the problem taking it slow: I decided to start first with small, soft sex toys and then to slowly upgrade to my partner's penis and that worked for me.

    If she is not at her first times having sex or the thing is gotten worse lately, I would suggest her to have a gyno exam just for safety's sake!

    Hope this makes sense and good luck,

    MissDoll

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    I also wanted to add is she on hormonal birth control pills? Looking back on my 20s I really struggled to self lubricate and sex was often painful due to this, when I went off "the pill" sex was much more pleasurable. I realize forumulations are different and affect women differently but wanted to toss that in a possilbe issue affecting her.

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    Lewisfjarrett [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi all, thank you. She is on the pill i looked it up online about the ome she had but didnt mention about becoming dry. She is wet when we do it and a finger doesnt hurt. Her sex drive is low so it doesnt haopen to often which may be part of the problem? We are both eachother first and haooened a few years ago, oral she loves as it is enjoyable and doesnt hurt so often this is what we resort to but sex doeant happen often due to her hurting... any recommended positions for insertions and being in less pain?

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    Lewisfjarrett [sign in to see picture]
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    Any recommendatoins on toys to help, i know she doesnt masturbate..:L would be down to me

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    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
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    if She’s not a huge fan of masturbation and it’s both your first times I would strongly suggest letting her take over purchasing a toy. She needs to make herself comfortable with something like that.

    You can look at a few positions like missionary controls the depth and speed or she can go on top so she has full control and just let her do what she feels comfortable with. Sex is not like a porno and unfortunately a lot of people assume it is. First steps are the longest so just take each time as it comes, if things hurt then stop until she’s prepared, if after a few weeks things are still painful then go to a gyno who can do a full examination which can settle her mind on everything.

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    MissDoll [sign in to see picture]
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    I strongly agree with Vanessa8, the pill could be to blame for both vagina dryness and low libido!

    Again, if this is the case, I would suggest a gyno exam.

    MissDoll

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    Lewisfjarrett [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for all the advice, will see if i can lersuade her to buy a dildo. Hopefully all wil be better soon. We started having sex a few tyears ago but both were eachothers first. Its just doesnt happen often due to the pain for her, i feel bad. I know shes happy with oral as she enjoys it but comefortable hot sex would just be mmm... Hopefully get it sorted soon. Any other tips would be greatly appreciated.

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    VR [sign in to see picture]
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    If she's reluctant to involve doctors you could try a few things yourself. But you'll either need a good look around with a torch and a good feel around, too.

    With this in mind, and I know this may sound extreme but I did see a programme about a woman having difficulties with sex and conceiving. It turned out that she had two vaginas making life a problem for her.

    If she doesn't have a physical anomaly, you could try a set of dilators. You'll have to Google where to buy as I don't think I can mention other sites. I know they're commonly prescribed for problems like this.

    Sorting her Pill would be my first port of call, though. Can you go to the GP or GUM/FPA clinic with her if she's embarrassed so you can explain and not her?

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    Lovehoney - Sparkle [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it's important to remember that talking about stuff like this to a doctor is incredibly common and there is nothing to feel awkward or unsure about. They are professionals

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    VivH [sign in to see picture]
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    Definitely best to see her Dr.

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    Lewisfjarrett [sign in to see picture]
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    Think its gonna be a trip to the doctors. Any recommendations on smaller dildos to start to see if that helps? Or positions that work for you?

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    Lovehoney - Leanne [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with others who say to speak to the GP and also about the pill. Hormones can really impact the body.

    In regards to persuading her to use a dildo, please look together. This will ensure you are getting the right toy and something she is happy to try, and if she isn't then you will need to accept that. 

    Maybe a dildo is not the right path, she could need external stimulation to help. Have a discussion about what she likes, like of she prefers clitoral play or maybe even nipple play. Then you can find a suitable toy, is she is happy to try one. This could help her loosen up and relax to the idea of an insertable toy. 

    We also have dilator kits, these are items that graduate in size for insertion and many people suffering from vaginismus use them

    Inspire Vibrating Silicone Dilator Kit (3 Pieces) 

    Inspire Silicone Dilator Training Set (5 Piece)

    Please do discuss what is happening with your GP, as Paige has said there is nothing to feel awkward about. You made the first step reaching out here.  

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    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
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    The dilator kits are great, a friend of ours suffered from vaginismus which frustrated her immensely, but over time using a kit she was able to ease into intercourse slowly. It wasn’t a miracle cure but it has made it far more comfortable and possible than before.

    It does seem a lot like the pains she’s feeling is either from tensing during or before intercourse due to stress or something else or maybe she does need to have a quick check up. As I said previously I would let her explore toys and see what she fancies. If she’s not into something then move on from the subject and maybe look at some external vibes like a bullet etc. Also look at what really turns her on, maybe she wants to try a little soft bondage with a blindfold
    Etc and some teasing. Sex is a slow exploration so take your time and find each others pace.

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    I had the same issue when I started having sex. It lasted a few years for me because I did nothing about it except thinking that it was normal and going on anyways.

    Sex has been painful for me from the start, because I have been forced into it on my first time abd the followings. From there I never enjoyed sex and was reluctant about it because it was painful, but since it was forced, I said nothing and the pain didn't go away. I did mention that it hurt when i couldn't take it anymore but my partner would tjen throw a fit so I tried avoiding to complaint. I went to a sexual health nurse and she told me to use lube
    What I am trying to say is that your attitude is very very very important. Make sure she really wants to have penetrative sex, and not just to make you happy or because she feels like she has to or something like that. Make her feel good, comfortable, like it's all her choice and that you will love her and respect her whatever she wants. Sure you seem like you care because you are asking here for help, but my ex also seemed to care but he ony did because it meant no sex for him. Make sure that the reason you are concerned is because you care for her and want her to enjoy herself abd feel pleasure abd feel good with you. Even if you feel you are not pressuring her into it, she might feel like so. Tell her that you don't want to do anything unless she really wants it, that you want to be sure she is ready. Communication is key here. I really think this migjt be the issue since it's both your first times. Also, go slow.

    In sum, love her, support her, respect her, and talk together.

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    Lewisfjarrett [sign in to see picture]
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    Anyone got any new help like position wise?

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    Lovehoney - Leanne [sign in to see picture]
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    How did the trip to the GP go on this? Did you get some answers?

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    SoontobeMrs [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey Lewis, have you been to the doctors and had any advice? I found the same issue with hormonal contraceptives and had o change to the coil. Didn’t seem to matter which positions I tried when I was suffering it just hurt as I couldn’t self lubricate as normal. Have you tried using different lubricants and things to stimulate her in ways she enjoys best externally? I’d advise that before attempting to insert anything until she feels ready and can handle it. Listen to her body and learn what works, sex is fun and you learn a lot about your partner if you keep open communication throughout- good luck! X

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