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  1. Low sex drive

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    Lewisfjarrett [sign in to see picture]
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    I have a really high sex drive, like i think of it all of the time i just want to be doing thing with my ither half. Both 20 and been together give or take 5 years. Ive always had a high sex drive and would happily do it daily, the other half has a really low sex drive. Can go ages without anything. Im always the one to initiate it, i dont know if its because sex hurts? Shes always prefered oral, im cool with that but would love for it to be more often (maybe once a week if lucky) and her to be comfortable. She is on the pill, have tried lube (doesnt perticularly like it) and condoms..

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    Why doesn’t she like lube? Does it irritate her/cause burning sensations/sting?

    Has her sex drive changed at all? Has it been higher and dropped for example or has it always been quite low? If it’s always been low, then it’s likely that’s just how she is and you’re going to have to find a compromise that works for both of you. If it’s changed, it may be worth a trip to the doctor to see if there’s anything medical going on that’s causing a drop in her sex drive. Sometimes the pill can kill libido and it make it hard to produce enough natural lubrication so if sex is painful for her then that could possibly be one reason as to why.

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    Lewisfjarrett [sign in to see picture]
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    NatandTom wrote:

    Why doesn’t she like lube? Does it irritate her/cause burning sensations/sting?

    Has her sex drive changed at all? Has it been higher and dropped for example or has it always been quite low? If it’s always been low, then it’s likely that’s just how she is and you’re going to have to find a compromise that works for both of you. If it’s changed, it may be worth a trip to the doctor to see if there’s anything medical going on that’s causing a drop in her sex drive. Sometimes the pill can kill libido and it make it hard to produce enough natural lubrication so if sex is painful for her then that could possibly be one reason as to why.

    We have used it a few times and doesnt seem to help and doesnt like the feel of it. As far as im aware from what i can remember has always been low:( so the pill could lead to low sex drive and it being painful? Thanks for respknding by the way
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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    No problem!

    Have you tried different brands of lube? Some feel better than others. A lube that mimics natural lubrication might be better suited. Maybe a thicker consistency would help too.

    It can lead to a low sex drive in some people and not being lubricated enough can cause pain, yes. I’ve suffered some painful sex in my time and that can kill a sex drive too. If she already had a low sex drive prior to taking the pill then that’s probably just normal for her and there’s not much you can do about it if that’s the case.

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    Lewisfjarrett [sign in to see picture]
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    NatandTom wrote:

    No problem!

    Have you tried different brands of lube? Some feel better than others. A lube that mimics natural lubrication might be better suited. Maybe a thicker consistency would help too.

    It can lead to a low sex drive in some people and not being lubricated enough can cause pain, yes. I’ve suffered some painful sex in my time and that can kill a sex drive too. If she already had a low sex drive prior to taking the pill then that’s probably just normal for her and there’s not much you can do about it if that’s the case.

    Shall have another go, did origionally have durex blie one cant rememvber what its called have got ky jelly to try but not yet used. Just want it to be co fortable to her i know it annoys her not being as active sexually and in pain
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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    Durex lubes are not great for women due to the glycerin content. They can cause irritation and upset to the vaginas pH as well as burning/stinging sensations. One of their lubes upset me so badly I got a really bad UTI and had to stand in a freezing shower for half an hour after using it. Never again. :(

    Unfortunately, KY contains glycerin too which may cause the same problems. May I suggest something paraben and glycerin free like this one instead?

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=31583

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    VR [sign in to see picture]
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    Sex was always painful for me and led to many UTIs simply because I wasn't getting turned on - and that was down to my hormones.

    I'm passed contraceptive age now (I hope!), but am still dealing with hormones causing libido issues. It dropped dramatically for a while, I suffered with dryness issues and I had problems with HRT tablets, but the patch has sorted that and turned me into a randy teen again!

    I think maybe your partner should try the local GUM clinic for a decent chat (GP never had time and always gave bog standard Pills) with one of the doctors there. If they can't help maybe they can send her on to a gynae.

    If she comes off the Pill, give the non latex condoms a go. They hurt me like hell, but we tried Skyn condoms and they were good for us both.

    I've not had a problem with KY and use it to lube up tampons (unreliable flow = some dry tampons = thrush and a very sore vagina!), but Liquid Silk has been my go-to as it's bio-static (I've also had problems with UTIs) and doubles up as a massage lotion.

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    Lewisfjarrett [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks shall give these both a try. Just want sex to not be painful then hopefully sex drive will up from that

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    KirstyLee [sign in to see picture]
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    As a female who also experiences pain during sex I find that the pill has been the biggest cause of my issues.

    Since taking it my sex drive has been pretty low and having sex without lube is just not possible in the slightest (this was never an issue before I started the pill)! I agree with NatandTom, Durex lube is probably one of the worst I've ever tried, unfortunately it's the one a lot of people go to because it's what's stocked in all the shops etc but it's horrible stuff.

    The one I personally use is https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=31209
    It's a bit more expensive but a little goes a long way and I find it really does help - it's also not as thick as Durex lube so it feels more natural.

    Does she always find sex painful ? I find that usually it's painful if it's been a long time in between having sex, so I'm going to try using toys in between to see if that eases things.

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