1. Becoming a sensual dom (advice)

    AnalLover88 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 61
    • Joined: 25 Apr 2014

    I've been speaking to a lovely lady online, we've been speaking online for a while. We share lots of the same interests in sex, we both have filthy minds and we both share the same limits which is amazing. We've decided to meet up next month for a good night together.

    We've spoken about all the kinky things that we would like to do, I know it's going to be amazing but she said last night that she can sub for me if I make her feel comfortable. I didn't ask her to sub for me, I think she's just naturally a sub (like me). She has said that she likes the sensual dom who cherishes their sub. That's the easy bit for me because I'm naturally a kind, considerate, compassionate and affectionate person. I love to look after people and make people happy.

    I would love to dom for this lady, she seems like a lovely person and I really want to make her happy when we meet but I've never been a dom before so I need some advice :)

    She said that she wants to be controlled and cherished and has said she can defer to me for everything. I need some ideas please especially on the controlling part, things I could do with her and for her. I really want to make her feel special as a sub and I will do anything to make that happen.

    I plan to pay for the hotel for us, take her for a lovely meal, then back the hotel for lots of fun and then a nice breakfast. I may buy her a magic wand too as she doesn't have one and I think she is really missing out lol

    kelly_michelle [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 408
    • Joined: 15 Apr 2008

    I would recommend keeping things fairly simple, trying to do too much may feel scripted and will lose the enjoyment.

    Firstly, in advance agree a safeword. Not just for play but for any point, if either of you aren’t feeling it you can use it and stop.

    In respect of dinner, before you meet, ask her to wear a certain thing. This could be done by her choosing, say, three outfits and sending you photos so you can pick or you could ask her to wear a dress/skirt/trousers/blouse/whatever, or a certain type of shoes. You could simply ask her to wear a certain colour. Of course, keep your outfit choice within her comfort zone, maybe ask her about her style and what she likes to wear first. You don’t have to choose something dressy or revealing; it can be as simple as asking her to wear blue jeans. You could also (or instead of) ask her to wear a certain type of lingerie or a certain colour.

    During dinner keep things light and kink/sex free. Get to know her, as people can come across a bit different in person as opposed to online. This will help her relax her and make her few comfortable.

    Back at the hotel, thank her for wearing what you asked her to. Ask her to stand in a simple position (feet shoulder width apart, arms by her sides), confirm the safeword with her and make sure she knows she can use it at anytime and you’ll stop immediately with no hard feelings. Assuming this is true, tell her you have enjoyed the evening so far and so whatever happens or doesn’t happen next, you’ll go home happy. Make eye contact with her. Ask her to put her hands on your arms or shoulders and then do to the same to her. Look her in the eyes and do some deep breaths with her. Tell her when she is ready, to drop her arms.

    If you are taking any toys, show them to her and ask her if there is anything she doesn’t like the look of (and if so, stow it away) and if there is anything she really likes the look of. Let her touch if she wants.

    When she is ready, ask her to stand back where she was. Walk around her, inspect her, give her some compliments. Ask her to remove clothing down to lingerie. Tell her to place her clothes in a neat pile in a certain part of the room.

    From there, you can start playing. Take things slow. Praise her at appropriate intervals.

    If your mind goes blank and you don’t know what to do next, just stand quietly behind her, breathing gently on her neck. Give yourself a moment or two to compose yourself and work out your next move.

    Don’t underestimate the power of your touch. Simply tracing your fingertips across her body can have massive effect (especially if you don’t touch the obvious places).

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