1. Do you think where you live affects your sexual desires?

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    LadySpider [sign in to see picture]
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    I was posting on another thread, and my train of thought moved me to how we think about sexual needs and stuff we admit to enjoying.

    We live in quite an 'Olde Worlde' type area of the Welsh Valleys where, still today, men and women are kind of expected to behave in different ways. Go down the pub on a weekend and the men can all be bladdered and he's hell of the boy...a complete legend. But see a woman in the same state....and she's talked about very differently (it's fine for them to get 'tipsy' - then the guys will all laugh and say her man is gonna 'get some' when they go home) but if she's staggering about...then she's a 'wild one', a woman to be avoided!

    Also, it's a complete no-no to be overheard talking about sex. The first [Lovehoney competitor] party I went to here, the majority of the girls said their man wouldn't have them owning a vibrator! They wouldn't dare buy one! And talking to girls here most of them still say they don't own sex toys as their man 'doesn't believe'in them! They can dress in sexy undies - that's fine, but no sex toys allowed!

    I have a trans friend, he is a man some days and a lady others. A few people are fine with him, others laugh and poke fun and he has often experienced violence or threats of violence if he goes to the pub dressed in his lady clothes. He says to find 'fun' he has to go into the city..then also whispers that there are lots of guys from the valleys doing the same thing....yet not as openly as himself.

    My bloke was even beaten up when it came out that his bother was gay!! He also lost lots of friends because of it. Crazy innit?

    Anyway, I know he enjoys certain things like nipple play, but he hates to admit it - he has it so set in him that this is a girl thing and that he can't possibly enjoy it. He like's on rare occasions, to have anal sex with me...yet nothing, and I mean NOTHING is allowed near his bum - not now, not ever!! It's not something I'm bothered about, but I see so many guys in MF relationships in here admitting to liking it, yet me and the girls talk about sex...and all of them say their guy wouldn't have anything to do with num fun - and that they would hate to have to do that with their men!

    So, do you agree that where you live/are raised can have an effect on your sexuality and what you will experiment doing in your love life?

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    SingleMale101 [sign in to see picture]
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    Definitely! It's a society thing. Example: The media give a body type like a slim woman or man and say " you have to look like this" then all the people that watch it think they are being judged, so they stop eating as much or change their eating habits and sometimes that is where anorexia comes from (I respect the people that can help anorexic people). So all in all yes. Soon I want to move to Iceland and they are very relaxed with sex and socialising so I probably won't have a problem but when your in a town where it's shamed upon then it starts to play with you a little bit about what you like. I hope that helps. xx

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    AmyA [sign in to see picture]
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    I think part of the differences comes from what you have access to and of course how open you are to being exposed to the whole range of experience. Living in or near a city you are probably likely to be exposed to more variety of cultures, beliefs and out looks which I think 'normalises' for want of a better word, and makes us more accepting of those differences, be it sexuality, food or religion. There's also better access to placed and opportunities to express these differences in safety.

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    нинаnin [sign in to see picture]
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    ^ This has been my experience

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    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
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    Im much more sexual when we are by the sea, or in the woods, near a river. I'm a real water baby and love to be naked. But living in a city I don't get as excited. Much to my OH's relief.

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    Peakcouple [sign in to see picture]
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    Think your early opportunities for sex will have an effect on your subsequent sex-lives. Both of us had restricted and fairly opressive early lives, we both went to single-sex schools and had controlling partents who told neither of us the facts of life. She was even made to go to Jesus Camps!

    We both left home at 18, her to go to uni and him to work in London, sharing a flat with 3 other 18 year olds. There were plenty of opportunities for sex and sexual experimentation and we both went a bit wild and both learnt that sex didn't have to mean falling in love and that it was good fun when done with more than one person. She discoverd bi sex too.

    Our teens and early 20s really set the scene for later. We both married and brought up families but monogamy wasn't really an option.

    We now live in a small and fairly conventional country town but make very sure our swinging takes place discreetly. We don't meet people who live closer than about 20 miles, and while we have home foursomes and occasionally larger parties we're lucky to live in a detached and fairly isolated house. We visit a couple of swinger clubs about an hour's drive away.

    It helps that neither of us are 'natives' of the area so we don't have a network of relatives or very old friends nearby who would know all our business.

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    I feel that many people may adapt their sexuality, and sexual desires, even gender, in an attempt to "fit in" to society, to feel normal around friends, family, and even their partner. I know gay men who act straight, have married had kids, but still can't shake the feeling they should be with a guy, not a woman. Some lead a dual life because of it, the attitude of people in general force men and women into lives they don't want, and wouldn't otherwise follow.

    The result is often the destructiuon of a marriage, when the person can no longer fit in and has to become their true self. Then people say with a sneer, why did they marry in the first place, why didn't he go be with his own kind; as if they don't know the kind of life, the rest of the world creates for such people. Who would live in such a world, be treated as so badly, if they didn't have to; is it any surprise that people try to "fit in" even when they know they don't.

    The same is even true just for the desire for certain sexual acts, like anal sex; why does wanting to recieve anal sex from your wife make you gay, and all the other things which fall into the same category " devient". Different is so very wrong in the eyes of so many people, that it's classed as devient, and they get to decide how others live and love, even though they feel no impact on their lives, from the way others live their lives.

    And yes it does depend on where you live, and it can be in very small areas, where you are either accepted as gay, or trans; but I do think such things as men liking to recieve anal sex from their wife, or wear womens lingerie, are accepted or not, over much larger areas. The main problem is the way men perceive each other, and the pressure to conform to the "norm" or be hated by your male peers. And that men do not talk about sex, they talk about using women to get off, even if they don't think that way, they still have to talk the talk, or else !!

    It could be that only one or two men in a group of 20, maintain this " male" way of looking at the world, all the others will follow out of fear that they are the only one to be different. For all their bravardo, the male sense of sexual self has become a very fragile thing; as if one man wanting to love another, or have his wife give him anal sex with a strapon, will end the male way of life for all men.

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    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
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    What a great post Alicia 😊

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Tiger Dick wrote:

    What a great post Alicia 😊

    Why thank you Tiger.

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    Mr Pheebs [sign in to see picture]
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    I often feel like we are all in a massive social mixing bowl with a blind person holding the spoon, they feel the spoon moving but can’t see the impact of movement in the rest of the bowls mixture.

    I personally believe in tolerance and treating others how you would like to be treated yourself, I have grown into this, I haven’t always been as tolerant as I am now. It’s a sad fact but tolerance is not a herd instinct and if you read up on it, herd instinct has a really weird effect on the human psyche. Tolerance has to be an individual decision. Both majority and minority groups can be intolerant if they are part of a herd (the contextual majority).

    I once trained with a bunch of women and 1 gay man. The women were horrible to each other and the gay man hated me with a vengeance because he had been beaten up for being gay throughout his life, I have never hit anyone for being gay and I have never felt so isolated and I did not deserve his hatred, the training took 4 years.

    I think we are educated into our male / female roles very early in life. Boys still don’t cry, boys don’t behave, boys don’t sit quietly, boys get into trouble, boys can’t love, boys aren’t academic, sowing the wild oats is expected. Physical violence is shunned, emotional and mental violence is left unchecked and young boys are not equipped to deal with this.

    Girls still get taught that sex is dirty and that a girl having a sexual appetite is wrong. Now this may make you laugh but last week I found out what a blue waffle is supposed to mean......I cannot believe that society is willing to support a made up disease that only women can contract if they have multiple partners but both of my kids and half of my work colleagues have accepted this explanation as a part of everyday life.

    The last great social stigmas are sex (to which I think tolerance is improving) and death (which is getting harder to tolerate as people live for longer and death is becoming increasingly unusual).

    Unfortunately, a lot of what defines sexual desires and norms in the UK is law, shadows of religion and lack of flexibility to change without having to sacrifice self.

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    Dickiebird [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi LadySpider, even though I do agree that where you live can have an affect on people’s sexual desires, as people have stated some countries have different views on sex. However I also feel that who your OH is, also has an affect. As posted many times on the forums, people have different sex drives and what you would try with one partner could be completely different to what you would do with another.
    I know my OH so well, if I tried or even suggest some positions to her, she would not entertain them.

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    Mr Pheebs [sign in to see picture]
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    Dickiebird wrote:

    Hi LadySpider, even though I do agree that where you live can have an affect on people’s sexual desires, as people have stated some countries have different views on sex. However I also feel that who your OH is, also has an affect. As posted many times on the forums, people have different sex drives and what you would try with one partner could be completely different to what you would do with another.
    I know my OH so well, if I tried or even suggest some positions to her, she would not entertain them.

    It’s interesting and a bit scary isn’t it? In my mind each family unit has a unique set of beliefs and a culture so even the smallest yet most powerful social unit defines sexual desires and acceptable limits.

    We need some rules determining sexuality and desire to keep society intact though.

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    LadySpider [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow! Some great and very interesting replies! This is a great analogy

    Mr Pheebs I often feel like we are all in a massive social mixing bowl with a blind person holding the spoon, they feel the spoon moving but can’t see the impact of movement in the rest of the bowls mixture.

    Alicia4Ever - You sound so like my Trans BFF - he often talks about his experiences, many are just as you mention. It's so sad that society does this to us, that what society expects we conform to, isn't it? If more of us could 'live and let live' life could be so much happier for so many people.

    I was raised in a different area where attitudes were very different to those I experience here, although it was still the countryside, people were very much live and let live - whereas where I'm at now, it's more about having to conform to be accepted...and believe me, if you're not accepted, your life can be (made) very miserable!

    I agree, with all that's been said, not just about sexuality etc, but about life in general and how people see it...cultural differences are seen just 20 miles up the road in the City - different religions and cultures are accepted and not shunned. On an estate here, we've just had some refugee's housed, there's a small group of ladies raising funds for them...but in the majority they are shunned and stuff is said like 'hasn't crime raised since they've been here' FFS crime has raised since meow meow has gotten into the valley - not since the refugee's got here!! Some people seem to want to keep the shutters over their eyes and not see it's their people causing the problems in society, not the new comers!

    And yes, DickieBird, I certainly agree that your partner can certainly affect what you will try sexually! There's nothing Mr Spider would want to try sexually that he wouldn't ask me to try, and he often says I'm not like anyone else he has ever slept with - I'm so open sexually, and really give the impression that 'anything goes' but on many occasions he has asked me stuff, or even said stuff during sex that has kind of 'over-stepped the mark'! I won't say what, but it's made me want to just get up off the bed and tell him to finish himself off - but I haven't, I've just said no....thats just too far! I think that's down to my upbringing - where I'm from you don't make a scene!

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    MK7 [sign in to see picture]
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    I live in the middle of nowhere full of a bunch of vanilla folk with no kink community in sight and it really stifles my need to have BDSM in my sex life. I think I want it more out of not being able to have it.

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    I think if I was lucky to live in the med like my good friend Kanu ,then I am sure more sex would be on agenda. I just think a warm climate helps to condition people for sex as opposed to the cold beak winters of the UK. It's therefore probably no coincidence that me and the Mrs are more sexually active in summer .

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    markybabes [sign in to see picture]
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    FunLouise; I am the same, a walk in the woods or countryside and I just feel so sexual, throw hot weather into the mix well.....

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    Kanu Suckmeov [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    I think if I was lucky to live in the med like my good friend Kanu ,then I am sure more sex would be on agenda. I just think a warm climate helps to condition people for sex as opposed to the cold beak winters of the UK. It's therefore probably no coincidence that me and the Mrs are more sexually active in summer .

    Hi mysteron

    Sorry about the late reply, some family problems at the moment that are taking up a lot of my time, but hey mate, you know all about that.

    Back to the question, yes I think the weather and the climate to where you live have a huge impact on one’s sexual habits and moods. Wifey and I have always had a good and varied relationship, which always seemed to heighten when we went on holiday. Probably due to the reduction of the stress and strains of everyday life. When we both retired (early) and moved to Spain a few years ago our sex life improved immensely. Obviously we had more time for each other which, although not needing help, helped our relationship. We both enjoy being together, even after more than 40 years.

    We are lucky that we have a lovely villa with a beautiful swimming pool, which is 90% secluded from the neighbours which means we are quite often naked, this with the beautiful warm temperatures we have obviously heightens our sexual desire. I won’t go so far to say that we are at it like rabbits, but we do enjoy frolicking about with each other both around and in the pool.

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