£1.59 Next Day delivery! Hurry ends in ...
  1. Partner obsessed with porn

    1513054820
    Charlotte2092 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 8 Dec 2017

    So my partner is obsessed with porn but hides it from me instead if I borrow his phone it’s all over his phone but he deletes it to try and hide it from me. Why watch it in secret? Why not watch it with me? I don’t get it makes me wonder what else he hides. Any advice?

    1513060384
    Lancashirestuu [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 25 Nov 2017

    Maybe ask him what he’s watching and your open minded to maybe try whatever he’s worried about showing you :)

    1513063256
    Bigtrak [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2357
    • Joined: 17 Nov 2010

    Sometimes people can feel "ashamed" of porn. It could be their upbringing or beliefs. Also it could be the type of porn. I was very uncomfortable for over 15 years of the TV/TG porn I on occasion would enjoy. My wife and I have a very honest and open relationship and immense trust, yet I still found it uncomfortable and despite me sharing my likes now still feel that lack of comfort with it and, still on the occasion I choose to watch it, watch it alone and without telling her.

    Maybe worth a consideration.

    1513065123
    LadySpider [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1476
    • Joined: 12 Oct 2017

    Bigtrak wrote:

    Sometimes people can feel "ashamed" of porn. It could be their upbringing or beliefs. Also it could be the type of porn. I was very uncomfortable for over 15 years of the TV/TG porn I on occasion would enjoy. My wife and I have a very honest and open relationship and immense trust, yet I still found it uncomfortable and despite me sharing my likes now still feel that lack of comfort with it and, still on the occasion I choose to watch it, watch it alone and without telling her.

    Maybe worth a consideration.

    Totally agree with Bigtrak x

    My partner also enjoys porn (much more than me) and watches any chance he gets lol. I'm 52 and he's 48, we've been together 17 years and have a very honest and open relationship. I know the kind of stuff he watches - it doesn't offend me even slightly...yet I do, at times wonder why he watches it as often. We have a good sex life - we have sex at least twice most days.. so you'd think he would be satisfied. We've talked about this recently and here's what he said. He likes to watch it early in the morning when I've got up - I'm always a very early riser... it's when he feels like a lazy, slow, half asleep w*nk - when he's got to make no effort to please anyone but himself. he says he often doesn't come - just falls asleep - maybe a kind of comfort thing?

    TBH I think many people like to have some alone time to please just themselves... some watch porn while they do it, some don't.

    My daughter had the exact same problem and almost dumped her bf because she kept finding it on his phone. The poor guy messaged me and explained as my daughter wouldn't listen. he says if you watch it on your phone, the link stays there even if you delete it - and keeps sending you more and more videos - I don't think he was bull-sh*tting, I know what some of these sites are like - impossible to delete or opt out once you've clicked on a link.

    Really my love, if it's bothering you, the best advice I can give is stop looking in his phone! If you borrow it - do what you need to do and don't look at the rest of the stuff. As long as it's not affecting your sex life with him it shouldn't be a problem. As for thinking he's hiding other stuff...as him, if he says it's just the porn, believe him and leave it alone - don't let your insecurities ruin your relationship. If you're happy and trust him - let him have his private time watching porn. You could suggest watching some porn together - but not the stuff on his phone as that's obviously his - you can maybe advance to watching that with him once he's comfortable watching with you and knows you're not gonna judge him.

    Might he be watching alone to spare you any pain? I mean, my BF watches younger, slimmer girls than me - obviously lol. He's hardly gonna watch old fat birds doing it lol. I used to feel very down about that, but the more I've thought about it the less it bothers me - it's only a porno - and he no doubt desires most of these girls - but hell - I fancy lots of guys younger than my guy too - we all have our desires innit? It doesn't devalue our relationship in any way - just my opinion, lovely...

    1513071390
    KingGrthy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 385
    • Joined: 1 May 2016

    Charlotte2092 wrote:

    So my partner is obsessed with porn but hides it from me instead if I borrow his phone it’s all over his phone but he deletes it to try and hide it from me. Why watch it in secret? Why not watch it with me? I don’t get it makes me wonder what else he hides. Any advice?

    You say he is addicted, does it have other consequences beyond his secrecy? He may just be shy about it, but also keep in mind, men often watch porn for a little quick visual stimulation while masturbating, its quite different from intimacy with a partner, not necessarily compatible. I watch quite a bit of porn, pretty much something at least daily, but typically only for a few minutes. My Partner and I have been talking about introducing porn into our sex lives recently but it is tricky and will require careful selection so that there is something there for both of us. Much porn these days is very formulaic, including a set scene for each various fetish it aims at, and beyond the visual there is virtually nothing to engage with, much of it is highly mysoginistic and frankly abusive, so maybe he just doesnt want you to see that and get the wrong impression.

    Just gotta communicate, but as long as it isnt negatively affecting your relationship or his behaviour in other ways, dont take it too hard it really isnt about you, likely to be just a quick fix so to speak.

    1513072455
    BigInBerks [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 282
    • Joined: 21 Aug 2017

    Communication is key, as KG says.

    I watch a lot of porn, but kept it from my wife for years because I enjoy what is called shemale porn and bi porn. Now my wife knows I have a bi side, I'm not so secretive about it. Since we started talking about sex much more and being open it's started to slip in to our lives.

    1513073091
    LadiesMan [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 224
    • Joined: 9 Sep 2008

    I agree with all that’s been said. My wife won’t watch it with me, but if you’re ok with it - why not suggest it as something to do one evening? Let him take the lead in picking what he likes - that will open some conversation and maybe help him relax about hiding stuff.

    1513125137
    Stevie, hetro sub curious male [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 92
    • Joined: 30 Jan 2013

    I like LadySpiders reply. My wife found my porno bookmarks on my tablet today. We have similar looking tablets and she picked mine up. I didn't tell her about it before because it was my Gentleman's Relish. I don't have many vices. Not much drink. No drugs. I don't smoke. I'm not obsessed with football, so hey I like a bit of porn. Anyways she found it and she said she didn't mind me watching it. Pretty cool reply. Actually it was quite exciting and freeing that she did discover it. Deep down I wanted her to know about it eventually. I'm not very vanilla and my porn reflects that. Why do I watch porn? Two reasons. I have a lowish libido and watching it helps me raise my libido but as long as I don't cum every time I watch it. That would dent our sex life. I tactically edge myself to it so it ramps up my libido and makes me wanna play. Also I have this silly belief that women are good girls and don't have sexy thoughts or do anything dirty or perverted. This porn sort of proves to me that they do, and in that short lived moment viewing a sexy uninhibited female makes me SO darn hot.

    1513125377
    Stevie, hetro sub curious male [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 92
    • Joined: 30 Jan 2013
    wrote:

    Charlotte2092 wrote:

    So my partner is obsessed with porn but hides it from me instead if I borrow his phone it’s all over his phone but he deletes it to try and hide it from me. Why watch it in secret? Why not watch it with me? I don’t get it makes me wonder what else he hides. Any advice?

    You say he is addicted, does it have other consequences beyond his secrecy? He may just be shy about it, but also keep in mind, men often watch porn for a little quick visual stimulation while masturbating, its quite different from intimacy with a partner, not necessarily compatible. I watch quite a bit of porn, pretty much something at least daily, but typically only for a few minutes. My Partner and I have been talking about introducing porn into our sex lives recently but it is tricky and will require careful selection so that there is something there for both of us. Much porn these days is very formulaic, including a set scene for each various fetish it aims at, and beyond the visual there is virtually nothing to engage with, much of it is highly mysoginistic and frankly abusive, so maybe he just doesnt want you to see that and get the wrong impression.

    Just gotta communicate, but as long as it isnt negatively affecting your relationship or his behaviour in other ways, dont take it too hard it really isnt about you, likely to be just a quick fix so to speak.

    Great reply!
    1513129313
    LittleMugs [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1762
    • Joined: 23 Nov 2017

    Suggest watching together - it can be really hot

    Me and my partner both watch porn separately and it's cool, though at first the types and frequency were a bit of a secret. 100% honesty in a relationship doesn't just happen, it grows over time with both of you sharing and making yourselves a little vunerable a bit at a time. Secrets are fine as long as they aren't harmful. If he wants his porn to himself that's his call, and it's okay :) Everyone (just about) watches porn, and everyone has a "thing" (coffee, smoking, drinking etc), porn certainly isn't the worst thing :)

    In terms of worrying about what else he's hiding, if you're finding his porn he's not very good at secrets :') but if that's the only thing causing the worry then try and forget about it. If there are other things and it's all pointing to him being unfaithful or whatever you're worried about, then talk about it - it might be an awkward conversation but it's better than the torture you'll be putting yourself through.

    Hope you're feeling better about things!

    1513173256
    Delboy1991 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1823
    • Joined: 30 Jan 2013

    Does your partner know you want to watch it with him? Sometimes people find it quite "embarrassing " to talk about porn, espically if it's a fantasy.

    However, sometimes it's nice to have some time alone. To do these things In private. My partner watches porn both with or without me. Can be for a number of reasons..I could simply be out or in bed exhausted and not in the mood. And if Needs must then who am I to stop him..

    Talking is key. Have a word with him. X

    1513218383
    Charlotte2092 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 8 Dec 2017

    It doesn’t affect our sex life we have sex once every other day he works a lot so he is tired but we still have it regular and have a good sex life. We have watched porn together a few times I suggested it.. but he still hides it from me like I borrowed his phone because I had no signal and it was there the same night he had deleted the history.. he’s into Milfs particularly or like step mum shagging step son which i don’t care.. aslong as it’s not affecting our sex life im not fused but I hate him hiding things makes me wonder what else he deletes!

    1513241886
    KingGrthy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 385
    • Joined: 1 May 2016

    @charlotte Trust is a two way street. I wouldn’t be happy if my partner was searching through my phone every time she “borrowed” it, that IMO is violation of trust. It is natural for people in a relationship to still want privacy regarding some things.

    Perhaps there is history between you where he has actually violated your trust previously, but if on the other hand this is your own insecurities manifesting then be aware it is self destructive, and the answer may be to be more reflective about why you feel the way you do as opposed to focusing on his behaviour.

    Best of luck.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.