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  1. What do I do instead of sex/sexting to get attention?

    kittybaby [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 9
    • Joined: 23 Jun 2017

    i have a problem where I sext random strangers who are up for it because i feel lonely. what can I do instead to feel loved? i'm trying to stop it but i feel like I have to do it.

    LadySpider [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1476
    • Joined: 12 Oct 2017

    Hey Kittybaby

    The pleasure center of the brain becomes addicted to things that make us feel good - can I ask, do you generally have an addictive personality?

    Your brain becomes addicted to things, even behaviours, chemically, and needs the activity/drug etc to maintain that new chemical balance caused by the addition (if that makes sense?) for instance, a powerful need to continue harmful activities despite the harm to yourself - the sexting makes you feel good - so you may NEED sexting to feel even normal eventually.

    TBH, I can't see the problem, if who you're sexting doesn't mind, anyway! If you're lonely, could you join a club, do an evening class - something to get you out and mixing with real people?

    Much of today's society is becoming so insular because so much of our contact is done via electronics rather than real life. It's kind of sad really. I'm a chatterbox, and talk to anyone - I go for a coffee and always get talking to someone - I've made lots of new friends that way - I rarely get my phone or iPad out when I'm in public places, I hate the way everyone sits glued to their phones - tables full of people in cafes and restaurants - none of them talking - all texting - so very sad, I believe eventually many people won't even know how to interact verbally. i have a couple of friends who have even said 'LOL' in conversations without even thinking about it! Crazy!!

    Shouganai [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 268
    • Joined: 17 Jul 2016

    First of all, I just wanna take a moment to acknowledge and be grateful/proud that you're only limiting this problem to sexting- it's great that you realise you have a problem and haven't let it snowball out of control !

    There's a bunch of different ways to tackle this, so please don't get discouraged if one or two methods don't help at first (I believe in you).

    If it's a social need, maybe you could join other online forums, PG/support chatrooms (for example, you don't go volunteering at an old person's home to find love, but one day a seriously attractive son/grandson turns up and anything can happen). Friendship can always blossom into love, but seeking love outright often only turns up with offerings of a sexual nature, sadly. (Not that you shouldn't be taking care of your libido, of course).

    If it's physical, how are your solo orgasms ? (Don't answer that to me- just yourself). Because feeling unfulfilled could be a perfect opportunity to begin exploring new territory. If it's physical but NOT sexual related, you can actually hire a "cuddle buddy", which sounds funny but makes a lot of sense given that it's a basic human need to feel part of a group, etc.

    I've been through something similar myself, and... I'll be honest, I was a total mess for a while until eventually my after-orgasm state wasn't tingly and blissful- more cold and empty. The only way I got through it was to have a good ol' whinge about not feeling appreciated and also not good enough, and then dusting myself off and forcing myself to do things (swimming was fun because I got a better body out of it, and being creative with aesthetic blogs online helped me redefine who I wanted to be so I could stop letting myself give in to negative habits).

    Well, I've rambled enough here... I hope something here helped, and even if it didn't, please know that we're here for you (maybe next time you're about to hit up a dodgy site or old flame you'll come visit LoveHoney's ranting/venting thread ?). Good luck ! :)

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