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  1. What to do ?

    1512003353
    Red beard [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 9
    • Joined: 18 Nov 2017

    OH libido has gone ! It's not anybody's fault it's down to health issues . I don't want to push it but we all have needs ! I am worried it will never return.

    we have spoken a lot about our situation but do not seem to have the answers

    we love one another very much I'm just missing the physical side of our relationship

    what are male stroker's like ?

    Does anybody have any ideas ?

    1512032476
    Verity... [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 52
    • Joined: 29 Mar 2016

    Good morning.
    I am struggling with this at the moment but I'm the one with no particular sex drive going on. It seems to come and go in waves. It's terrible for my partner really being turned away ect. I suffer from chronic fatigue due to a health condition which does get in the way because I'm so tired often, but I seem to have lost it along side of my condition making it worse.
    These are things that I find help to bring me round so to speak-
    A good and happy atmosphere, ie when things are good between us, he can do it at any time at all, but for me if we have fallen out my drive goes out of the window.
    My partner taking an interest in me ie listening to me, telling me I look nice ect.
    Little touches (not sexual), hugs, kiss on the forhead, cuddle in bed ect. It shows that he is understanding about how I am feeling.
    Acts of kindness such as running me a bath or getting me my fav chocolate and watching a movie cuddled up together.
    Most importantly of all no pressure from the other side at all, no comments of how long it has been, when will it be happening or worse. Total understanding even if you don't understand at all. Comments ect will only make her feel bad and make everything worse.
    Anything you can think of to make her feel loved, wanted and special will ensure that you stay close, don't drift and will make her feel like she is supported. Communication is great but does add pressure by pointing out the elephant in the room. These things I find shift the focus from focusing on the fact that your not doing it to the fact that you love her just the same without as believe it or not she does probably feel really bad about it and as much in the dark as you are, I know I feel this way.
    It isn't a quick fix as in overnight but it does help me so may help your OH.
    Strokers my partner isn't into but I know a few friends that love them. My partner loves our Doxy wand with the attachments for the penis. Speak to the LH staff, they may be able to help you choose, they are great.
    You may be able to softly introduce it to your OH, she may want to use it on you if she likes toys. It would be another way to stay close and she may feel good about satisfying you this way while unable to in other ways.
    I hope this helps. I wish both of you all the best

    1512033438
    LadySpider [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1373
    • Joined: 12 Oct 2017

    hey Redbeard

    Sorry to hear about your problems, my lovely, I hope you find an answer.

    My libido disappeared for almost 10 years (LOL - that gives you some hope) due to a health issue and menopause. Then one day it just came back - bang! Just like that. I know not why...but my libido has gone bat-shit crazy!!! Poor Mr. Spider is fighting me off all the time now! Honestly - I am wanting sex all the time and think about it constantly - I still have the health problem and always will, it's not gonna get any better either.

    Whilst I was like it, Mr. Spider at first pestered and whinged etc, but after a few years he just gave up asking or even trying with me and got on doing it himself - poor bugger! I won't lie to you, he was great. I know he never strayed because he never went out alone - but he did develop a bit of an obsession with porn.

    I bought him a couple of strokers recently - to use either on his own (not that he gets any time where masturbation is an option as I've mostly already taken all he has to give lol) or during our playtimes - I love mutual masturbation.Started with the 'LH reversible double stroker pleasure waves', and has now got his first 'FleshLight flight' - he really didn't like the idea of male toys - but liked mine stroking his willy! Anyway, I ordered the strokers for him and he now really loves them! He said the Fleshlight feels almost real!

    Hope your OH gets better soon, lovey xx

    1512033697
    LadySpider [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1373
    • Joined: 12 Oct 2017

    Verity... wrote:

    Good morning.
    I am struggling with this at the moment but I'm the one with no particular sex drive going on. It seems to come and go in waves. It's terrible for my partner really being turned away ect. I suffer from chronic fatigue due to a health condition which does get in the way because I'm so tired often, but I seem to have lost it along side of my condition making it worse.
    These are things that I find help to bring me round so to speak-
    A good and happy atmosphere, ie when things are good between us, he can do it at any time at all, but for me if we have fallen out my drive goes out of the window.
    My partner taking an interest in me ie listening to me, telling me I look nice ect.
    Little touches (not sexual), hugs, kiss on the forhead, cuddle in bed ect. It shows that he is understanding about how I am feeling.
    Acts of kindness such as running me a bath or getting me my fav chocolate and watching a movie cuddled up together.
    Most importantly of all no pressure from the other side at all, no comments of how long it has been, when will it be happening or worse. Total understanding even if you don't understand at all. Comments ect will only make her feel bad and make everything worse.
    Anything you can think of to make her feel loved, wanted and special will ensure that you stay close, don't drift and will make her feel like she is supported. Communication is great but does add pressure by pointing out the elephant in the room. These things I find shift the focus from focusing on the fact that your not doing it to the fact that you love her just the same without as believe it or not she does probably feel really bad about it and as much in the dark as you are, I know I feel this way.
    It isn't a quick fix as in overnight but it does help me so may help your OH.
    Strokers my partner isn't into but I know a few friends that love them. My partner loves our Doxy wand with the attachments for the penis. Speak to the LH staff, they may be able to help you choose, they are great.
    You may be able to softly introduce it to your OH, she may want to use it on you if she likes toys. It would be another way to stay close and she may feel good about satisfying you this way while unable to in other ways.
    I hope this helps. I wish both of you all the best

    hey Verity! All those little acts of thoughfuness make you feel more bonded and itimate, so your body will respond better to any advances he makes. I hope you resolve your problems, sweetie, CFS is a misery. Diet can help - but i'm sure you know all that xx

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