1. partner doesnt put out

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    Needitmore [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey guys looking for some advice or just a high five for those in same position please.

    my husband of 10 years, whos 10 years older, im in my 30s ( always been the same , though think its getting worse). never seems to want nookie , probably once a month or two . i find it really annoying that he sometimes will jerk off to lesbo porn- i cant compete with that lol. i dont mind him watching the porn now and again so longs as i getting some seeing to too. i find when we do have nookie its the same , ill suck his cock , he bite a nip and then shove it in . doesnt last long either . i thinking everythng is all wrong, its always about servicing him. i want to be dominated i want some rough sex. ive purchased toys , ive dressed up ., just seems so bland, all about him , told him tonight i shall go else where for nookie (im angry and sexualy frautsrated ), ive given him loads of chances. he doesnt want the marriage too end, but im not sure im bothered,i slug my guts out, all i want is some nookie, some appreciatation and maybe to be bent over the kitchen side unexpectedly ! god , mummasa having a breakdown !

    any ideas, apart from leaving him , or actualy sleeping with anyone else, or even given him a brain trainsplant then yeh, help lol x

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    ophelia-rose [sign in to see picture]
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    My advice would be to go to a sex therapist or couples counselling to see if that helps you to work it out :)

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    Firstly Hi and welcome to the forums.

    I think you both need to sit down and have a long chat about this. To be honest all I can hear in this post is 'I want', 'I want' ! I'm sure you do things to pleasure your man but doing things and expecting something back is not the way forward.

    Talk to each other...and listen to each other too. There are obviously reasons why he's behaving this way and you need to calmly discuss this with him. Maybe he would like to do something 'different' but is embarrassed to say. Maybe you've both just got into a rut. Either way you'll get nowhere but ignoring the issue. Don't go in all guns blazing and demand what you want, give him the chance to say what he wants too xx

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    illtakethehighroad [sign in to see picture]
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    Hmm hard to say without knowing more.

    Is it just with sex he is like this or does he tend to be selfish with all aspects of your relationship?

    Is it just the sex or is there lots of other things that annoy you?

    Has it always been this bad or has it got worse?

    How does he react when you tell him you think sex is unequal?

    Sleeping with someone else wont really resolve it in the long term. Cannot tell if you should leave him either.

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    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't want to sound mean here but before throwing the very hurtful "I'm going to go sleep with someone else" line you may want to talk to him. A lot of us expect a lot from our partners, especially after a long time we expect them to know what we want. You are going to have to have a conversation with him. Tell him what you want. He may be watching porn as he feels the same.

    To want to end a relationship over sex problems makes me think here are other reasons. Sex problems can usually be fixed by a discussion or counselling. You said he doesn't want the marriage to end but you aren't bothered. After such a long time doesn't he deserve a chance to explain why he isn't wanting to have sex as often as you want it? Marriage is about compromise, my husband would have sex a least daily but I don't want to so we meet in the middle. If he told me he would seek it elsewhere unless I changed my mind I would not only feel devastated, like I didn't matter but pressured into something I didn't want.

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    RachelWelsh [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh my gosh I could have written this, hubby 10 years older, in exactly the same position and feel exactly the same. I have stayed with him for 15 years and though he has made an effort over those years sometimes, it always goes back to how it was and I end up feeling so frustrated and feeling like I just want to see how it is in another relationship, to actually be with a guy who has a higher sex drive than me, because for years I have felt disgustingly abnormal, because of how it is made out in the media that women have lower sex drives. I don't have any answers because of our family situation and financial situation I am kind of stuck here and can't leave. I would want to make it work more if we hadn't had years of this straining our relationship, but it definitely isn't getting any better. My sex drive has slightly decreased because I am 32 and in early menopause so that has taken the edge off slightly but even then I am still heartbreakingly missing affection and intimacy. To those in this kind of situation that aren't married I would say don't do it unless things change first. Marriage is so hard to get out of and is so complicated, if I would have known I would have felt the majority of nearly 15 years like this I am so sad to say and this really hurts to say this believe me, but I wouldn't have got married. Good luck lovely, I hope you can turn this around. If not ... waste no more time.

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    Dickiebird [sign in to see picture]
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    This must be a very difficult time for you Needitmore. I agree with most replies on the forum. Sleeping with someone else is not the answer. I am in a similar position as me and my OH don’t have sex and it has been like this for years. She has severe arthritis and it became a problem for her as it was uncomfortable for her.
    Yes I know there are positions that would be possible, but in the end I just gave up trying and introduced my hand to my manhood.
    I too am very frustrated sexually and it would have been easy to up and leave and find someone else. But I love my OH so much and that is more important than sex.

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    LadySpider [sign in to see picture]
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    Dickiebird wrote:

    This must be a very difficult time for you Needitmore. I agree with most replies on the forum. Sleeping with someone else is not the answer. I am in a similar position as me and my OH don’t have sex and it has been like this for years. She has severe arthritis and it became a problem for her as it was uncomfortable for her.
    Yes I know there are positions that would be possible, but in the end I just gave up trying and introduced my hand to my manhood.
    I too am very frustrated sexually and it would have been easy to up and leave and find someone else. But I love my OH so much and that is more important than sex.

    Fabulous attitude, Dickiebird!!! I like your style!

    Talking is the key. We went through a bad patch sexually - almost 10 years with maybe once or twice every 3 months was my max - I just had no sex drive what-so-ever. It wasn't that I didn't want my man, or that I didn't love him...the hormones just weren't there to make me turned on. I reached the end of the menopase and it all changed...I'm now wanting it more than I ever did - 2 or 3 times a day!!

    Menopause is obviously not your mans problem, Needitmore. But maybe he needs help from your Doctor - have you suggested he tries that? many peoples sex drives decrease as they get older - not all, thankfully! I think as women, many of us don't just need sex, we need physical contact and intimacy as much as anythng...to feel attractive, wanted and needed. have you told your man this or have you just demanded more action or you walk? Threats really aren't the way forward, My Love, threats just damage peoples self esteem and make them want intimacy even less.

    Talk... don't make demands, try to explain how you feel. We had a few problems, I asked on here how to deal with what was going on...I listened to all the advice, took it on board, then bit the bullet and opened a frank and open discusion with my guy. Things have (thankfully!) changed... we have become in tune with each other - with give and take on BOTH of our sides. He likes porn - I'm not a huge fan, but will watch it with him whilst we play around. He used to get carried away when we did that before... get a bit rough with his hands... I now don't just put up with it and quietly resent... (and get turned off) I tell him!! I 'watch' the porno - often lesbian and often through closed eyes lol... he plays with me with my toys and thinks I'm watching - it works for us - the porno keeps him good and hard - we BOTH benefit. Men (and many women) often need that visual stmulation, it's not that they don't fancy us, (I hope) it's just the way they are wired. Try to work out a way where you both get off and put them together so you both enjoy. Sex isn't about just one of you getting your own way, getting one persons needs met but leaving the other wanting. Talk, maybe show him what you need - find a porno even that contains what you need and suggest trying what you see?

    I hope you find a way through, my love, I really do, but threats of leaving of sleeping with someone else won't get you what you want - it will just cause pain and resentment.

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    [suspended user]

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    I say it is high time to get yours and get it good you deserve it.

    This being said I think non judgemental communication is the key to get what you want.

    As a guy I can tell you most of us jerks could be making love to smoking hot woman, yet while we are doing it we are using our imagination that we are with someone from a porn video that really turned us on.

    This has nothing to do with how pretty or in shape you are in, it is all about being naughty lustful and erotic fun.

    Have your OH find a POV or VR porn video that really turns him on preferably a video where a woman is taking charge of the man and doing all sorts of pleasurable stuff to the man.

    You should watch the video by yourself or with your OH to gather information about items or outfits, wigs etc you will need to buy or make..

    The idea here is to have your OH watch his favoirite porn movie and you get to do evrything to your OH that the porn actress is doing to him in his mind. ( make sure to try and time your movements with the video to make it that much more realistic ) you may need a mirror or second video device so you can watch the video at the same time from the corner of your eyes.

    You should not use the same perfume as you normally use ( try something different and new only for these occasions ) smell can make things more realistic and beliveable that he is getting pleasure from someone else.

    If you do this right I can promise you, Your OH will have a new interest in sex. ( with you ).

    Yes he will be thinking of someone else but lets face it, like I said he is think of someone else anyways while having sex most of the time.

    This is where you can ask him to do the same thing for you.

    And yes I think it is perfectley fine for you to ask for and expect the same trreatment.

    This is give and take in a relationship just like you do the dishes and I will take out the trash sort of thing.

    I am working on doing the same sort of thing once I buy a VR headset for my PS4, this way my wife or I can use the vr headset while the other gets to watch the TV and act out what we see on the screen.

    It is my opionion that a healthy sex life can include the thought of being with other people as long as you take the time to have close personal one on one eye to eye lust for each other most of the time.

    I hope this idea helps you some and gets your OH back into having lots of mind blowing sex with you.

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    naughty stacey [sign in to see picture]
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    From a relationship agreement perspective, it can't be an exclusive to your partner if you aren't doing it with your partner. Before running off to find it elsewhere though there needs to be a discussion about what each of you want or expect and are willing to give in exchange.

    If there really is an incompatibility then perhaps an agreement can be made, so many times this kind of situation is just a misunderstanding that escalates as it bounces back and forth between two hurting people.

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