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  1. Sex drive still low :-(

    Weeradge [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 18 Jul 2012

    Damm this
    I'm a fella ,s should be rampant .
    I love my wife ,she tries her best ,but my sex drive has really gone .
    Can't understand it ,because I love looking at pictures of naked women , I love women in general , but the thought of actually doing it fills me with horror , bordering on disgust
    I dread telling my wife, because she will think it's her fault ,and its mine alone .
    When we do it , I petend to enjoy it for her sake , but , in reality , I can;t wait for it to be over .
    God , I hate myself at times ,I really do
    Whinge over

    KingGrthy [sign in to see picture]
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    Why do you dread it?

    4Uonly [sign in to see picture]
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    Weeradge, Young married couple?

    Alwaysonmymind [sign in to see picture]
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    I had a low sex drive a few year ago and I found that it was due to diffident factors in my life. For eg we would only find tome on a night for sex but by then I was tired and worn down so sex become more of a task and this played on my mind until eventually I couldn’t be bothered. Watching porn can also have an effect on You psychologically without you even realising. So me and my partner talked about and we challenged the issues which is what led us to lovehoney and we found time during the day for each other and bought some light sex toys to add variety and no time I was able to enjoy night and day now I m like a overcharged sex animal and can’t get enough. Oh and as for the porn thing I still indulge but know that what I see can’t beat my new reality.
    Why not try a sexy board game and see how your mood changes. Hope you find a solution as I know how it feels good luck

    LadySpider [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey Weeradge
    I feel for you, my lovely - I really do!! <3 Sending a big hug x
    I have been through it too, see. I had a major surgery 10 years ago that had a massive effect on me physically and very much psycologically. I dreaded sex because I knew my partner now saw me very differently - I wasn't just his GF any longer - I was someone he had to care for big style. I was stupid...I let that dred turn to fear - I didn't even want him to hug me because I knew those hugs would turn to sex - eventually the fear led to a feeling of disgust - at myself for being so cruel to him and more so for him trying to persuade me to do something I didn't want to do.

    Recently we went almost split up, then trying to work stuff out we had a long weekend away which kind of helped us 'find' each other again. Pressures at home - kids (ours is a grown up man child lol) pets, housestuff, work etc etc etc can allll distract you from each other. Whilst we were away we had 24 hours a day for each other with no distractions = the sex was amazing - he kind of clicked a switch in me and my sex drive has gone from nil to wanting it all the time - my mind and body are thinking and feeling sexy all the time! So maybe a little break together if at all possible- a place to relaxand be together in mind, body and soul.

    Don't hate yourself, lovely - none of us can help how we feel. Is there any reason you dislike the idea of sex? Is there something you need but aren't getting? if there is you need to try and talk about it, be frank, open and honest....not just with your wife but with youresell also.

    Good luck honey - I hope things come right for you xx

    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    I thought i would jump on here to offer a view from a wife that is going through exactly this right now.
    What you wrote could have so easily been written by my husband.
    It's been two weeks of excuses like, always tired, had a cold etc.
    The other day i found out he's still watching porn at 5am when he gets up for work, I'm asleep upstairs when he does this. I'm unsure if he's reliving himself too.
    Me? I'm pretty heartbroken right now. I feel like he's not interested in me, like I'm unattractive or too fat. (I'm not that fat I put 12lbs on after loosing 2 stone).
    I cry myself to sleep, I feel like he doesn't love me anymore.
    I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I'm trying to show you the side of how your wife may feel.

    It's causing my depression to rear its ugly head and I'm pretty upset.

    I've tried to talk to him and can't get much out of him.

    Have you tried to talk to your wife? Maybe thought about seeing the doctor? This isn't going to just "fix" itself. You need to be trying to resolve what the real issue is. Left alone it will possibly cause a landslide in your marriage.

    Weeradge [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for ll the replies .
    We're both in our 50's , and I dread letting my wife know ,because she might think it's her fault , where it's mine .
    We've been married for just under 10 years , and have no children .
    We work opposite shifts so time is difficult , like someone else mentioned ,we're both too tired .
    We have tried "kinky" things, but I often suspect that she does it to please me, not because she enjoys it . My ex hated sex ,and found it disgusting , so I still find it odd that some women actually enjoy sex
    On top of that ,I can't even seem to get an errection anymore .
    I used to be sex mad once , not fair that my ex had my best years ,while my wife is getting my wrse years
    Sorry to whinge and rant

    KingGrthy [sign in to see picture]
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    Sounds like you are putting yourself under a lot of pressure. Look up sensate focus, it works great at relieving performance pressure. It can be fun too.


    [suspended user]

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    Weerage get yourself down to the doctors, he will get you sorted. Most of us mature guys have been there. Its not that embarassing they've seen most things. It's got to be worth it.

    Weeradge [sign in to see picture]
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    @KingGrthy . Thanks , friend . May well look into it .
    @Chisel ......Doctors ??? No me , not even sure who my Doctor is , haven;t been for years , got no intention of either LOL

    Just as an update .
    My wife has inted that she "wants some" at the weekend , I'm a bit nervous , but usually , once we start I enjoy it (if that maes sense )
    Seeing her naked (or in something sexy) usually starts me off , but just thinking about it (or even looking at pictures) doesn't do it for me
    On a plus side , shes the only woman who actually "gets me going" . I love the company of women (I work with several) , but I have no sexual interest in any of them .

    Hope this all doesn;t sound too wierd

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