1. Improving a partner's kissing

    1508709754
    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey all,

    been a good while since I posted but hoped you wonderful lot might have some advice for me.

    I think I best start by saying 'it's complicated'. Basically I've started seeing a lass who originally when we realised there was a mutual interest in being more than just friends recently described herself as a-romantic and somewhat a-sexual. Now I'm not sure either are quite true (I'd explain but this would end up long) but I respect her boundaries which are very strong (if seemingly moving pretty quick) and I'm happy with whatever she wants to happen.

    Honestly it's been great and I can't wait to see her.

    One problem....she's a terrible kisser. I mean awful.

    I've had bad first kisses with people before but this was something else. I also know with a bit of familiarity most people tend to sync in and you both get on the same page. I just can't seen that here. Without wanting to mean - I really like her and she's wonderful - it was like kissing an alien who'd read a bad description of kissing and that was all their experience.

    So what do I do?

    I know communciation is key but it feels a pretty big thing to try and communicate when things are so new and she's only just letting down boundaries so I could really hurt her and make her more insecure by saying something. I know with exes I've been able to somewhat hold back so the kissing is more reserved and it more controlled so you can both find the rhtyhmn....but this was worse than I've dealt with before.

    Any ideas or advice? Anyone been int his situation and come out the other side ok?

    (disclaimer - I feel bad just suggesting someone could be such a bad kisser, I dont' say it lightly and whatever happens I'll be respectful and considerate, but this is an unusual case and I'm hoping for any help in working out a way to improve the situation without hurting her so please take this in that context)

    1508718352
    KingGrthy [sign in to see picture]
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    Ive been with two partners that were terrible kissers, and one was also terrible at oral sex. I ended up breaking it off with one and never telling her. The other I put up with and never told her but eventually the spark fizzled, though not for that reason.

    What a tough spot, I dont think there is a constructive way to go about it tbh. I think you need to accept it and hope that with practice and exploration some improvement occurs.

    Im sure some will say "communicate" but I think you are right, if you tell her it will go badly, I have some experience with this as well though not with kissing, and these kinds of intimate criticisms do not go well.

    This could seem a little childish, but I think I would try to kiss alot, maybe have a couple intense kissing sessions were you can both try different things out, have some laughs, wales kisses and goofy shit like that, and also some deep passionate kissing, sort of like teens making out. Of course you dont have to say why you want to, its very intimate play afterall and can be build strength in its own right, but she may also find ways of kissing she hasnt experienced before and hopefully improves. Good luck

    1509231993
    Rtexjohn [sign in to see picture]
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    It may be awkward, but if you persevere you could help her become a great kisser

    My most rewarding sexual experiences have begun with mutual attraction

    Start slow, use patience, understanding and, above all, practice

    My gf and I always get extremely aroused, just by kissing

    KG's last para above is also good advice to a good start

    Best of luck

    1509233586
    KingGrthy [sign in to see picture]
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    KingGrthy wrote:

    Ive been with two partners that were terrible kissers, and one was also terrible at oral sex. I ended up breaking it off with one and never telling her. The other I put up with and never told her but eventually the spark fizzled, though not for that reason.

    What a tough spot, I dont think there is a constructive way to go about it tbh. I think you need to accept it and hope that with practice and exploration some improvement occurs.

    Im sure some will say "communicate" but I think you are right, if you tell her it will go badly, I have some experience with this as well though not with kissing, and these kinds of intimate criticisms do not go well.

    This could seem a little childish, but I think I would try to kiss alot, maybe have a couple intense kissing sessions were you can both try different things out, have some laughs, wales kisses and goofy shit like that, and also some deep passionate kissing, sort of like teens making out. Of course you dont have to say why you want to, its very intimate play afterall and can be build strength in its own right, but she may also find ways of kissing she hasnt experienced before and hopefully improves. Good luck

    Hmm, rereading this, I dont think I've explained my reasoning very well. In my second paragraph I just mean that I dont think constructive criticism would be a good idea. If you really care for her you dont want to hurt her confidence that way, even if she says she is fine with the criticism, how would you feel? I didnt mean to sound so fatalistic, RTexjohn is right, kissing is a skill, I mean to convey the possibilities open to you rather than to suggest that it could not change based on my experiences which in retrospect sounded overly negative. I simply dont think being critical is a good way to embark on that journey.

    1509238222
    bex1213 [sign in to see picture]
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    Eek. This is a tough one. It sounds like you've really thought about this and are genuinely trying to be caring and kind so I applaud you for that.

    I have had a few bad experiences with kissing. I'm not a huge fan of it at the best of times (saliva weirds me out) but I do think you are right not to go straight in for the brutal discussion. Communication doesn't mean that you should say everything that you want fixed or is negative in a relationship. It means respectfully discussing your needs in a way that works for you and your partner.

    It sounds to me like you might benefit from practicing positive reinforcement. Rather than say what she's doing wrong and what you don't like, try to say what thing, even the most minor, that you do like.

    For example, 'You know what gets me really hot? When you gently bite my lower lip' or 'I love slow, sensual kissing'

    Seriously good luck with this. I know it's frustrating when you have chemistry in so many other ways, but that connection just isn't there.x

    1509244072
    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
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    Hmmm it's tricky as kissing is such a personal thing.
    One person's good kisser is another's dreadful kisser.

    If you were in a long term relationship prior it may be that you are used to their techniques and it may time a while to adapt to another.

    As it's new, but telling them that their kissing isn't great will cause cracks quickly so I wouldn't say anything. I would just keep practicing, try and take the lead and see what happens. You should find a natural rhythm. Good luck.

    1509267996
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
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    It might be a case of trying to lead them with a little kissing game. Make them be the receiver only, you do the kissing and demonstrate what you like without putting them in a position of being "in need of improving" Hopefully this will resonate into wanting to find other ways to add to this relationship.

    If you can get into their mind that what they've experienced before isn't the only way, you can open up a whole host of new adventures, and not just sexually. After 30+ years of monogamy, we both are discovering that new ways of doing things we've done for years in a certain way (and this wasn't bad in any way) is a real education.

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