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  1. Love Anal but OH isn’t at all interested, also am I bicurious, or just a chick with dick fantasy?!

    1508190476
    British DJ [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 26
    • Joined: 31 Jan 2015

    Maybe some of you can help me out. I absolutely love anal. I have a girlfriend and been with her for five years. She has used a couple of small toys on me years ago but she doesn’t enjoy it, doesn’t turn her on or want to do it, even if I bring it up so that stopped altogether.
    As we don’t live together full time I have been buying dildos, butt plugs, beads, balls and have been using them when I’m not staying at hers as my love for anal has grown so much throughout the years. Now I have a small suitcase full of them going up to 9 inch circumference dildos which she doesn’t know about.

    I try and bring up using the small toys we have together on me and told her I had a dream about being pegged by her which really turned me on but she thought it was really weird and completely shot the idea down and didn’t want to know. I haven’t confessed how much I love it or the case full of huge sex toys as she would be really weirded out by it all and that I’ve been doing it all this time. I just don’t really know how to move on, i do love her, but do I stay with her and keep it a secret as I dont think I can bring myself to tell her I’ve been using these toys without her knowing all this time? Or is she not the right person for me I don’t know.

    Also on another note if I haven’t had anal in a while, the thought of giving men BJs and taking it up the ass from a man turns me on, but kissing them or anything else like that doesn’t. Not sure why, could be bicurious? I’ve always had a fantasy with chicks with dicks, could just be that. Or I just like the thought of being someone’s submissive. I’ve always enjoyed being a sub more than a dom but that doesn’t happen when I’m with my OH as our sex life can be vanilla at times. Any help would be appreciated, sorry for the essay!!!

    1508192042
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    I think you need to have a frank conversation with your OH, persisting in hiding in what is clearly a strong part of your sexuallity will only send things between you on a downward spiral, and she will have no idea why it's happening.

    She seems to have strong emotions over what you have told her so far, but they maybe formed in ignorance. Many people still associate a man desiring anal sex as tantamount to being gay; which is wholly incorrect. But to be honest, I don't understand this assumption that if a person has bisexual tendencies they will cheat. it's down to the person not their sexuallity; and why would being cheated on with a same sex person, be so much worse that with an opposite sex person. We are all human beings.

    in my opinion I feel you are trying to over analise yourself, and tying yourself in knots trying to figure out what label you should have, you don't need one, you are you and that's all there is to it. trust me I wasted a lot of my life in that state of constant confusion, not really living as me, and forming relationships, because I couldn't put a label on myself. The only thing that works is to accept yourself for who you really are, and suround yourself with those who are willing to let you be yourself.

    1508193613
    British DJ [sign in to see picture]
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    Okay thanks Alicia4Ever, I do need to have a talk with her at some point, I think I’m just afraid of how it will go. Unfortunately she is one of them people who thinks that only gay guys should like anal and doesn’t understand the pleasures of it because she doesn’t enjoy it.

    I would never cheat on her. But is what I’m doing nearly just as bad? Using sex toys for anal to get what I need and desire while she has no idea about it. Obviously we still have good sex a couple of times a week when I’m at her place, but when I go home the first chance i get if I have a free house I’ll be pulling out the sex toys. Sometimes even if people are in I’ll say I’m busy in my room or going to sleep just so I can use my toys and just be a lot quieter.

    1508197176
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Cheating is going with another person, what you are doing is solo anal masturbation.

    But it is causing you to have a secret solo sex life; which of it's self is not wrong, every one has fantacies, not everyone chooses to share then, there is nothing wrong in that. But you feel at odds with your seuallity within your relationship, because you are hiding part of it, but are not ok with doing that, which is making you feel bad. That's the problem; if you can't reconcile that you have to keep this part of yourself seperate from your relationship then you do need to tell her this, or you are only heading for heart ache.

    Which would be worse, hiding this, and she found out, years from now, and the relationship suffers because of it; or you tell her you need this in your life, even if she won't participate in it, and it "may" causes things to go badly now. You could always keep this to yourself forever, but I feel you don't relish that prospect. You have a decision to make.

    maybe she should read this thread. https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/1564338-pegging-male-pride-confidence-boosting/#p1564338 it may give her some real life perspective on the subject, enough for her to realise she was previously uninformed, and as such in error. However some people will hold doggedly to their perceptions; hence all the bigotry and hate in this world.

    Gay is the ability to love, and or, have sex with someone of the same sex; I keep saying this but a sexual act is not gay, the person you are doing it with makes it such. only a man can put a penis in the anus of another man, but if a woman uses a toy to do this, then the man recieving is having sex with a woman !!!!! this is not gay; and only a woman can rub vaginas with another woman; these are the only two acts that I can think of that only gay people can do that straight people can't.

    Are women who like oral sex gay because thats what lesbians do. Are men gay because they have pleasure sensitive neve endings in their anus, then every man on the planet is gay.

    Anything that a woman does sexually to a man, is straight sex, by it's very deffinition; absolutly any thing.

    1508197976
    British DJ [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah I agree with all of that, makes a lot of sense thank you for the help, appreciate it! Will show her some links including that one to ease her into the conversation

    1508200128
    pantieman [sign in to see picture]
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    As a bi CD with a wife that is ok with that makes me lucky I think .Maybe you should be open with your lady and she may suprise you as mine did when I opened up about the way I felt .

    I find guys find me more of a turn on when dressed rather than man on man .I think the idea of taking my panties down over silk stockings with high heels feels more like being with a female perhaps .I use anal toys and like them but nothing compares to the real feel of a hard man inside you !

    1508221813
    Bigtrak [sign in to see picture]
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    British DJ wrote:

    Maybe some of you can help me out. I absolutely love anal. I have a girlfriend and been with her for five years. She has used a couple of small toys on me years ago but she doesn’t enjoy it, doesn’t turn her on or want to do it, even if I bring it up so that stopped altogether.
    As we don’t live together full time I have been buying dildos, butt plugs, beads, balls and have been using them when I’m not staying at hers as my love for anal has grown so much throughout the years. Now I have a small suitcase full of them going up to 9 inch circumference dildos which she doesn’t know about.

    I try and bring up using the small toys we have together on me and told her I had a dream about being pegged by her which really turned me on but she thought it was really weird and completely shot the idea down and didn’t want to know. I haven’t confessed how much I love it or the case full of huge sex toys as she would be really weirded out by it all and that I’ve been doing it all this time. I just don’t really know how to move on, i do love her, but do I stay with her and keep it a secret as I dont think I can bring myself to tell her I’ve been using these toys without her knowing all this time? Or is she not the right person for me I don’t know.

    Also on another note if I haven’t had anal in a while, the thought of giving men BJs and taking it up the ass from a man turns me on, but kissing them or anything else like that doesn’t. Not sure why, could be bicurious? I’ve always had a fantasy with chicks with dicks, could just be that. Or I just like the thought of being someone’s submissive. I’ve always enjoyed being a sub more than a dom but that doesn’t happen when I’m with my OH as our sex life can be vanilla at times. Any help would be appreciated, sorry for the essay!!!

    I'm exactly the same as you and there a couple more on here. I love anal play and my wife is slowly coming around to pegging. She has used the dildo part twice on me but without harness. It's a slow burner on that front but I do not want to wierd her out. I also have a think for penisies too but zero interest in men. The termonology you may want to research is POLYSEXUAL. That's where I feel comfortable and can relate to. I hid my feelings from my wife and if honest myself as I felt ashamed by it. On occasion I would entertain myself with the idea alone for a masturbation session but would then quickly park it. Now I've been honest with myself and my wife I enjoy that fantasy. As to taking it further, we have discussed in the future going to a club together as she is bi-curious herself and if the opportunity came up with a **edited**TV/TG and we were BOTH comfortable then I may explore.

    I'd be honest with her. Took me too long to be. If there's no honesty there's no trust in my eyes.

    1508236369
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Bigtrak wrote:

    British DJ wrote:

    Maybe some of you can help me out. I absolutely love anal. I have a girlfriend and been with her for five years. She has used a couple of small toys on me years ago but she doesn’t enjoy it, doesn’t turn her on or want to do it, even if I bring it up so that stopped altogether.
    As we don’t live together full time I have been buying dildos, butt plugs, beads, balls and have been using them when I’m not staying at hers as my love for anal has grown so much throughout the years. Now I have a small suitcase full of them going up to 9 inch circumference dildos which she doesn’t know about.

    I try and bring up using the small toys we have together on me and told her I had a dream about being pegged by her which really turned me on but she thought it was really weird and completely shot the idea down and didn’t want to know. I haven’t confessed how much I love it or the case full of huge sex toys as she would be really weirded out by it all and that I’ve been doing it all this time. I just don’t really know how to move on, i do love her, but do I stay with her and keep it a secret as I dont think I can bring myself to tell her I’ve been using these toys without her knowing all this time? Or is she not the right person for me I don’t know.

    Also on another note if I haven’t had anal in a while, the thought of giving men BJs and taking it up the ass from a man turns me on, but kissing them or anything else like that doesn’t. Not sure why, could be bicurious? I’ve always had a fantasy with chicks with dicks, could just be that. Or I just like the thought of being someone’s submissive. I’ve always enjoyed being a sub more than a dom but that doesn’t happen when I’m with my OH as our sex life can be vanilla at times. Any help would be appreciated, sorry for the essay!!!

    I'm exactly the same as you and there a couple more on here. I love anal play and my wife is slowly coming around to pegging. She has used the dildo part twice on me but without harness. It's a slow burner on that front but I do not want to wierd her out. I also have a think for penisies too but zero interest in men. The termonology you may want to research is POLYSEXUAL. That's where I feel comfortable and can relate to. I hid my feelings from my wife and if honest myself as I felt ashamed by it. On occasion I would entertain myself with the idea alone for a masturbation session but would then quickly park it. Now I've been honest with myself and my wife I enjoy that fantasy. As to taking it further, we have discussed in the future going to a club together as she is bi-curious herself and if the opportunity came up with a **edited**TV/TG and we were BOTH comfortable then I may explore.

    I'd be honest with her. Took me too long to be. If there's no honesty there's no trust in my eyes.

    I'd just like to point out that if you continue with terms like "realistic" for a trans woman, you will not get far. If you just think for a moment how demeaning that word is for a woman, in that context. I understand that's how you feel most comfortable in thinking of it, but please try to show a little tact, and compasion in your verbalisations.

    We are all thinking feeling human "women' and some of us, are not badly made un-realistic sex dolls; because that's how your comment made me feel.

    You don't consider yourself straight only as long as cis gengered women are totally female looking; if a masculine looking woman ( and they are out there ) asked you out, you would never consider saying " sorry you don't look enough like a woman" it would be totally offensive; so why do that when refering to trans women.

    You didn't need to qualify your statement with " realistic " You wouldn't have said we may book an escourt if she is " realistic enough looking" ; you would just have said we would book an escourt if we both liked the look of her.

    Please it's hard enough as it is for us, we are women, if some what "disabled" we just want to be treated with the same respect any woman would be afforded.

    1508237537
    howie [sign in to see picture]
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    I was in a similar situation but I'm lucky enough now to be in relationship with someone who is open to the idea. It's never an easy thing to bring up, my best advise would be to possibly suggest the use of a cock ring with a butt plug attached, that way your partner doesn't have to be involved as much in that area but you will still get to satisfy your needs and the cock ring part is a bonus for both of you. I often use one I purchased from lovehoney and it feels great, it holds itself in place perfectly and you can go about having sex with minimal fuss. See how that goes and take it from there.

    As for wondering about being bi-sexual, I would say go with what feels comfortable to you. I am pretty much the same as you and have fantasised about being with men but the thought of kissing or close feelings with a guy just doesn't do it for me. I think it's more just a lust for having something in my ass.

    1508239409

    [suspended user]

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    Alicia4Ever wrote:

    Bigtrak wrote:

    British DJ wrote:

    Maybe some of you can help me out. I absolutely love anal. I have a girlfriend and been with her for five years. She has used a couple of small toys on me years ago but she doesn’t enjoy it, doesn’t turn her on or want to do it, even if I bring it up so that stopped altogether.
    As we don’t live together full time I have been buying dildos, butt plugs, beads, balls and have been using them when I’m not staying at hers as my love for anal has grown so much throughout the years. Now I have a small suitcase full of them going up to 9 inch circumference dildos which she doesn’t know about.

    I try and bring up using the small toys we have together on me and told her I had a dream about being pegged by her which really turned me on but she thought it was really weird and completely shot the idea down and didn’t want to know. I haven’t confessed how much I love it or the case full of huge sex toys as she would be really weirded out by it all and that I’ve been doing it all this time. I just don’t really know how to move on, i do love her, but do I stay with her and keep it a secret as I dont think I can bring myself to tell her I’ve been using these toys without her knowing all this time? Or is she not the right person for me I don’t know.

    Also on another note if I haven’t had anal in a while, the thought of giving men BJs and taking it up the ass from a man turns me on, but kissing them or anything else like that doesn’t. Not sure why, could be bicurious? I’ve always had a fantasy with chicks with dicks, could just be that. Or I just like the thought of being someone’s submissive. I’ve always enjoyed being a sub more than a dom but that doesn’t happen when I’m with my OH as our sex life can be vanilla at times. Any help would be appreciated, sorry for the essay!!!

    I'm exactly the same as you and there a couple more on here. I love anal play and my wife is slowly coming around to pegging. She has used the dildo part twice on me but without harness. It's a slow burner on that front but I do not want to wierd her out. I also have a think for penisies too but zero interest in men. The termonology you may want to research is POLYSEXUAL. That's where I feel comfortable and can relate to. I hid my feelings from my wife and if honest myself as I felt ashamed by it. On occasion I would entertain myself with the idea alone for a masturbation session but would then quickly park it. Now I've been honest with myself and my wife I enjoy that fantasy. As to taking it further, we have discussed in the future going to a club together as she is bi-curious herself and if the opportunity came up with a realistic TV/TG and we were BOTH comfortable then I may explore.

    I'd be honest with her. Took me too long to be. If there's no honesty there's no trust in my eyes.

    I'd just like to point out that if you continue with terms like "realistic" for a trans woman, you will not get far. If you just think for a moment how demeaning that word is for a woman, in that context. I understand that's how you feel most comfortable in thinking of it, but please try to show a little tact, and compasion in your verbalisations.

    We are all thinking feeling human "women' and some of us, are not badly made un-realistic sex dolls; because that's how your comment made me feel.

    You don't consider yourself straight only as long as cis gengered women are totally female looking; if a masculine looking woman ( and they are out there ) asked you out, you would never consider saying " sorry you don't look enough like a woman" it would be totally offensive; so why do that when refering to trans women.

    You didn't need to qualify your statement with " realistic " You wouldn't have said we may book an escourt if she is " realistic enough looking" ; you would just have said we would book an escourt if we both liked the look of her.

    Please it's hard enough as it is for us, we are women, if some what "disabled" we just want to be treated with the same respect any woman would be afforded.

    I am sure Bigtrak meant no offense by his post.

    1508240078
    Lovehoney - Leanne [sign in to see picture]
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