1. I love anal sex. Does that make me gay?

    1508166102
    Michael777 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 277
    • Joined: 1 Oct 2017

    I absolutely adore anal sex. I only ever receive and not interested in giving at all.

    I have had sex with men several times but being married it's not always easy.. I now use the Renegade Meat Monster dildo off Lovehoney for my main pleasure. I can get around ten inches up and love the deep full feeling it gives me. Problem is I just feel that I want some form of anal all the time. I also enjoy giving men oral if I ever get chance.

    As I said I'm married and love my wife. I don't fancy men I do prefer women but I think I get more pleasure from anal sex than sex with my wife.

    I usually describe myself as bi sexual but I'm not sure if that's accurate or if in fact I'm gay and daren"t admit it. I would actually like regular sex with a regular male partner if I could ever sort that.

    Any thoughts?

    1508167129
    Eager-2-Please [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 249
    • Joined: 3 Jul 2014

    The way I see it, you can enjoy any kind of sensation/pleasure with very little or no attached gender/sexuality to it.

    Liking anal sex does not, in and of itself, make you gay. Liking and wanting sex with the same gender does make you gay, however.

    You said that you love your wife and prefer women. So in any case to the above you're still not gay, but might be bisexual.

    Some people who are bisexual still find themselve only romantically attracted to one sex, however. While others can be romantically attracted to both/either whilst only sexually attracted to one.

    There are no set rules on this, in my opinion. Sexual attraction exists on a scale, a scale of fluidity, at that.

    Try not to worry too much or think about it in terms of; "am I gay or straight?" but rather "do I like this particular sex/am I attracted to this particular person?" instead.

    As another point on receiving anal sex regularly, have you tried talking to your wife about it? There are many ways you can enjoy certain sensations/sex acts even with a lady, thanks to sex toys. Maybe look into realistic dildos and/or strap-ons you can use together.

    1508168130
    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1968
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2005

    Labels are pretty useless in sexual orientation, most people have had a fantasy once or twice about the same sex and usually this is curiosity. But wanting a particular pleasure, position or toy doesn't mean anything.

    A lot of men are starting to realise that anal sex does actually feel great and to be honest your g spot is up there so why wouldn't you want to experience that. Pegging is becoming incredibly common and it's even starting to be shown in tv shows and movies. So enjoy your anal sex pleasures and maybe consider getting your partner involved. Maybe she will like the idea of role reversal and trying a strap on!

    But to answer your question, it doesn't make you gay nor does having sex with a woman make you straight, we all have preferences and enjoy different things.

    1508169901
    Michael777 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 277
    • Joined: 1 Oct 2017

    Wow, great answers from both of you. Way more comprehensive than I could have hoped for, thank you.

    I totally get what you're both saying and I agree that it's liberating that anal sex for men is now becoming a less taboo subject. I've probably spent around thirty years enjoying it in one form or another and has always made me question my sexuality for enjoying it.

    I have tried discussing it with my wife but she always dismisses it as just some little phase I'm going through. She's not aware I've slept with men in the past nor that I regularly use a rather large dildo on myself. I wish she could take me more seriously about this as I reckon my eutopia would be for her to use a nice big strap on and satisfy me that way. I would dearly love that as that would mean I didn't need to look elsewhere for my anal pleasure!!

    Thank you both for your great replies.

    1508170418
    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1968
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2005

    Hey Michael, i think you may just need to sit down with you partner and discuss things. Let her know you do want to try it and see how she reacts. I hope it all works out and you find a new journey with your partner. Maybe ask about pegging and buy a cheap one just to test it all out and see how you both feel, thankfully my partner has been pretty open minded and we've got a very "don't knock it till you tried it@ attitude ha. But good luck and have fun!

    1508170873
    Michael777 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 277
    • Joined: 1 Oct 2017

    Okay yes I think I do need to try and discuss with her. Maybe I'll wait till she's had a couple of drinks and in a frisky mood. I'll perhaps mention it in a jokey way and see if she still finds the idea a no go.

    Thanks again.

    1508172460
    Eager-2-Please [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 249
    • Joined: 3 Jul 2014

    Well, maybe ask her what her favourite sexual sensation is and when she tells you, suggest that it's "just some little phase" she's going through.

    Pleasure is pleasure. Whatever happens between consenting adults should be without limits, rules or judgement, as long as it gives those involved pleasure and makes them happy... go for it. Life is short and you only get one - enjoy it while you can.

    But in order for you to attain that fulfilment you need to be open and honest with your wife about your desires and your needs. And so does she.

    1508172508
    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3063
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    ere are a few thoughts / braindstorms: Can you or ahve you discussed pegging with your wife? Have you also explored wearing a butt plug during sex with your wife or playing with a suction cup dildo during sex with her?

    I think it would be helpful for her to understand how much pleasure you get form anal stimulation.

    As far as the gay labels... frankly who cares you get pleasure how you get pleasure. But if you are married and in a long term relationship with this woman it is important for you to think about being open with your partner about your sexual desires and needs. Best of luck.

    1508181144
    Michael777 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 277
    • Joined: 1 Oct 2017

    Yes I've discussed and also used small vibrators on me whilst we have sex. She would be totally shocked if she knew I was using the Renegade Monster on myself in private. I'd love to tell her about it and just how much I enjoy it. I'm pretty sure she would be shocked and not take to it too well.

    I know I need to try and be open with her but I guess I fear the possible consequences too.

    1508181199
    British DJ [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 26
    • Joined: 31 Jan 2015

    Maybe some of you can help me out. I absolutely love anal. I have a girlfriend and been with her for five years. She has used a couple of small toys on me years ago but she doesn’t enjoy it or want to do it, even if I bring it up so that stopped altogether.
    As we don’t live together full time I have been buying dildos, butt plugs, beads, balls and have been using them when I’m not staying at hers as my love for anal has grown so much throughout the years. Now I have a small suitcase full of them going up to 3.5 inch circumference dildos which she doesn’t know about.
    I try and bring up using the small toys we have together on me and told her I had a dream about being pegged by her which really turned me on but she thought it was really weird and completely shot the idea down and didn’t want to know. I haven’t confessed how much I love it or the case full of huge sex toys as she would be really weirded out by it all and that I’ve been doing it all this time. I just don’t really know how to move on, i do love her, but do I stay with her and keep it a secret? Or is she not the right person for me I don’t know.
    Also if I haven’t had anal in a while, giving men BJs and taking it up the ass from a man turns me on, but kissing them or anything else like that doesn’t. Not sure why, could be bicurious? Or I just like the thought of being someone’s submissive. I’ve always enjoyed being a sub more than a dom but that doesn’t happen when I’m with my OH as our sex life can be vanilla at times. Any help would be appreciated, sorry for the essay!!!

    1508181255
    Michael777 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 277
    • Joined: 1 Oct 2017
    I'm pretty sure if I asked what her favourite sexual sensation was, she'd say going to sleep!!
    1508187056
    British DJ [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 26
    • Joined: 31 Jan 2015

    Meant to say 3.5 inch diameter, not circumference. That would be tiny! XD

    1508188255
    *sexybabe* [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 900
    • Joined: 14 Aug 2012

    It really depends on your relationship and how you feel. Some people think you need to be 100% honest in a relationship. I personally don't; I have some fantasies I don't share with my hubby, and some that I do. I enjoy having the odd little secret! But if I really enjoyed doing something sexually, I'd be sad if I couldn't discuss that with my hubby.

    No one has the right to tell you your fantasies are weird; if she's not into it, then that's her right and that's fine a bit it doesn't make you weird. Loads of guys enjoy anal, whether straight, bi, gay, etc - it's just enjoyable! And the male g-spot is in your bum (the 'p-spot') so no wonder lots of men enjoy it.

    1508227097
    Michael777 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 277
    • Joined: 1 Oct 2017

    I try to be 100%honest and I wouldn't cheat on my wife with another woman. However I just don't think she'll ever get my love of anal or accept it. I'm happy using my Renegade Monster as it gives me huge satisfaction but I'd also like to occasionally sleep with other men. Does that constitute cheating!?

    1508228715
    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7253
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2015

    What constitutes as cheating varies from relationship to relationship. The gender of the person you're sleeping with doesn't really come into it in our view. If sleeping with men is something that would upset your wife or you'd have to keep a secret from her, then yes, it would be cheating. I wouldn't recommend doing that as you could end up hurting her, betraying her trust and/or losing her.

    As for the honesty, I would suggest talking to her whilst she's sober. I know you mentioned perhaps talking to her after a few drinks when she's in the mood but I think it may be best to have a sober conversation away from the bedroom. Alcohol can lower inhibitions and she may agree to it whilst she has a drink in her system but not be ok with it whilst sober. If she's not into it or doesn't want to engage with it at all then that's totally fine as we are all allowed to have limits but you'd then have to decide whether solo play was enough for you or whether sleeping with men or having a partner that's willing to give you some sort of anal play is something that's important to your happiness.

    1508229193
    Michael777 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 277
    • Joined: 1 Oct 2017

    Yes I know you're right but I'm nearly certain she won't want to engage in any full anal play. I would love her to wear a strap on as that would negate any need to sleep with other men. I'm not sure i can happily go through life though with just the use of a dildo. Even though I love the feeling it gives me, I really crave some proper constant thrusting that you just can't achieve with a dildo!

    1508233920
    British DJ [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 26
    • Joined: 31 Jan 2015

    @Michael777 I’m in the same boat as you. I’m sure my OH wouldn’t be at all interested in pegging or any full anal play. And I know what you mean about craving a thrusting, but mine would be from my OH wearing a strap on. I’ve been very tempted to buy a fucking machine! But they can just be so expensive

    1508238838
    Michael777 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 277
    • Joined: 1 Oct 2017

    It's a difficult situation particularly when the OH really finds it a no go situation. I'm not sure a machine would work for me. If I'm having thrusting style sex, I think I'd want the physical contact too!

    1508243674
    British DJ [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 26
    • Joined: 31 Jan 2015

    Yeah I know what you mean. Physical contact would be so much better than a machine but sometimes I feel like a machine is my only option. Would love for my Oh to peg me, with my huge dildos I keep secret from her. I just don’t know how to bring up that I have 20+ sex toys I use that she doesn’t even know about. Another fantasy has always been a TS to get fucked by

    1508250599
    Michael777 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 277
    • Joined: 1 Oct 2017

    Have you ever tried going to a male sauna? I've had (safe) sex with men in those places. It's good physical sex and anonymous enough to avoid any attachment feelings. I'd like to go regularly but due to family life now haven't been for several years now.
    I would still prefer pegging with my wife to this but may become my only option again.

    Thread closed

    This thread is closed, so no new messages can be posted.