• Wait! We think you’re in the US - Lovehoney.com is a better site for you.
    Shop there and get 10% off!
    United States Flag
    Go to Lovehoney.com
  1. Submission

    1506771278
    Corset_is [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 253
    • Joined: 18 Sep 2013

    Just a quick question to you sub ladies out there as I'm new to this...is it normal for your dom to act a bit cold and, if I'm honest, like a bit of a douche canoe in the days after a great session? I'm trying my best to be a good sub, even told him that I wanted to go so far as asking his permission to masturbate but...nothing, just blanked it. Feeling a bit upset now, like it means nothing 😢

    1507033259
    Lovehoney - Leanne [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2294
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2014

    Have you talked about limits and how far you both wish to go with it? 

    This may be part of his dom act towards you but it is definitely worth addressing and if you have a safe word(which you really should), maybe use it when he is being like this. The safe word is not just for sexual acts or intercourse. 

    1507034986
    Corset_is [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 253
    • Joined: 18 Sep 2013

    Lovehoney - Leanne wrote:

    Have you talked about limits and how far you both wish to go with it?

    This may be part of his dom act towards you but it is definitely worth addressing and if you have a safe word(which you really should), maybe use it when he is being like this. The safe word is not just for sexual acts or intercourse.

    We haven't really had that sort of talk yet, it's still very early days (even though we have already gone 'there'!) As far as I was aware the dom/sub roles are only supposed to be in the bedroom, obviously this is something we will have to talk about. I did ask about safe words but he said we wouldn't need one...I think we will as I want to step things up a gear. Hopefully we can discuss it tomorrow, he seems very chatty and affectionate after.

    1507035463
    Lovehoney - Leanne [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2294
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2014

    Nope - dom/sub roles can be used out of the bedroom too. This is why limits & safe words are a must :) You may be thinking of this as one thing and he may be looking at it in a totally different way. 

    Definitely, have the talk before going any further. 

    1507037415
    Corset_is [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 253
    • Joined: 18 Sep 2013

    I meant for us it is only supposed to be in the bedroom so I'm not sure if his behaviour when we aren't together is part of the sub/dom relationship.

    I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

    1507116001
    Corset_is [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 253
    • Joined: 18 Sep 2013

    Lovehoney - Leanne wrote:

    Nope - dom/sub roles can be used out of the bedroom too. This is why limits & safe words are a must :) You may be thinking of this as one thing and he may be looking at it in a totally different way.

    Definitely, have the talk before going any further.

    Took your advice...got dumped.

    1507116168
    Lovehoney - Leanne [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2294
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2014

    I am sorry to hear that :( 

    But if he is practising dom/sub roles without safe words and the unwillingness to communicate you are better off out of it! 

    1507117103
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2156
    • Joined: 30 Nov 2012

    Lovehoney - Leanne wrote:

    I am sorry to hear that :( 

    But if he is practising dom/sub roles without safe words and the unwillingness to communicate you are better off out of it! 

    ++++1000

    I'm sorry to hear about the break up Corset_is, but anyone who says "we don't need safe words" is playing very dangerously. 

    And anyone who won't communicate, well, how is there a relationship? 

    It may not seem like it now, but it sounds like this worked out for the best. 

    1507118004
    AmyA [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 218
    • Joined: 21 Feb 2016

    I'm really sorry it didn't work out. Sounds like another case of someone thinking they want be a Dom but not actually knowing how it works.

    Don't feel you did anything wrong or that you weren't a good Sub, it sounds like you did things right and wuth the right Dom that knows what they are doing you'll get a lot out of it.

    1507119144
    Corset_is [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 253
    • Joined: 18 Sep 2013

    I just can't catch a break. Seems like I'm not good enough for anyone no matter what I do 😢

    1507127934
    chunkyg [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 193
    • Joined: 28 Dec 2007

    Leanne is absolutely 100% right. Two most important elements (even more important than imagination and technique) are communication and willingness to have and be willing to listen / use safewords. Anyone who is unwilling (unless by complete mutual agreement - in which case communication has taken place) to use that really isn't deserving of your attention. Please don't give up @Corset_is :-)

    1507129059
    Corset_is [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 253
    • Joined: 18 Sep 2013

    chunkyg wrote:

    Leanne is absolutely 100% right. Two most important elements (even more important than imagination and technique) are communication and willingness to have and be willing to listen / use safewords. Anyone who is unwilling (unless by complete mutual agreement - in which case communication has taken place) to use that really isn't deserving of your attention. Please don't give up @Corset_is :-)

    Thanks but I have given up. I wasted time and money and it was never enough. I am never enough 😢

    1508188908
    British DJ [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 23
    • Joined: 31 Jan 2015

    is it weird that I’m the male in the relationship but I enjoy being a sub a lot more than the dom? I enjoy both don’t get me wrong, whipping my girls sexy ass is great and fucking her while tied up. But actually being tied up, blindfolded, whipped all over for her amusement, her teasing me with her mouth, and sitting on my face riding me and cumming on my face is one of the biggest turn ons ever.

    1508272606
    Browncoats [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1152
    • Joined: 5 Dec 2016

    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde wrote:

    Lovehoney - Leanne wrote:

    I am sorry to hear that :(

    But if he is practising dom/sub roles without safe words and the unwillingness to communicate you are better off out of it!

    ++++1000

    I'm sorry to hear about the break up Corset_is, but anyone who says "we don't need safe words" is playing very dangerously.

    And anyone who won't communicate, well, how is there a relationship?

    It may not seem like it now, but it sounds like this worked out for the best.

    I echo this. It is absolutely crucial to have a safe word. Sorry you got dumped, can't comment as I wasn't involved but a man who is so flippant about safe words, especially when introducing someone new to sub dom, is dangerous in my opinion.
    1508272787
    Browncoats [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1152
    • Joined: 5 Dec 2016

    British DJ wrote:

    is it weird that I’m the male in the relationship but I enjoy being a sub a lot more than the dom? I enjoy both don’t get me wrong, whipping my girls sexy ass is great and fucking her while tied up. But actually being tied up, blindfolded, whipped all over for her amusement, her teasing me with her mouth, and sitting on my face riding me and cumming on my face is one of the biggest turn ons ever.

    Not weird at all. There are plenty of men out there who like to be the sub. Were all into different things and that's what makes sex so amazing 😘
    1508274033
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2045
    • Joined: 8 Nov 2010

    Corset_is wrote:

    I just can't catch a break. Seems like I'm not good enough for anyone no matter what I do 😢

    I m really sorry about what happened to you :-( I know it is hard, I been dumped many times and I feel the same way, but it is better to keep your head up. Very difficult to do, but please try to go on, find something possitive, enjoy your friends and hobbies and focus on things, which are going well for you.

    If he decided to dump you, its really his loss.

    1508360873
    Modo [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 766
    • Joined: 20 May 2015

    Corset_is wrote:

    Lovehoney - Leanne wrote:

    Nope - dom/sub roles can be used out of the bedroom too. This is why limits & safe words are a must :) You may be thinking of this as one thing and he may be looking at it in a totally different way.

    Definitely, have the talk before going any further.

    Took your advice...got dumped.

    Sounds like you tried to make a dom from a jerk.

    You have to work with the right materials, so before you give up entirely take a little longer with the next one and make sure he understands the whole D/S ballgame before commiting.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.