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  1. Advice of those've been there pls -how do you get a shy partner to reveal their innermost fantasies

    Hen Night Toad [sign in to see picture]
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    All there in the subject.

    naughty stacey [sign in to see picture]
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    Perspective. You don't get people to reveal, they choose to reveal.

    As soon as it feels like you are seeking information an introvert feels insecure about they are on lockdown for longer than a cat can stare at another cat.

    I would say that the approach you used to open this conversation would not be effective.

    Sex Squid [sign in to see picture]
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    What naughty stacey says...

    Also worth considering, is that your partner (not saying yours personally, but you get what I mean) might be harbouring fantasies that they don't want to reveal for any number of reasons.

    Could be something they feel embarrassed about.
    Could be something illegal, or just very socially unacceptable.
    Could be something they're withholding because it'd hurt your feelings (what if he/she desperately wanted to shag your best friend?)
    Or could just be something they have no intention of ever acting out so just don't see the point.

    Whilst it's exciting to share fantasies, you should never try and force the issue.

    Taz74 [sign in to see picture]
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    I've had a similar experience with my mrs we have been together 16 years and in the last few months we've started exploring. we've always talked about stuff but when it came to aspects of sex and fantasys were both abit shy her more than me, unless we've had a few cocktails lol,

    so I suggested how about txting each other even if we're both in the same room and so far it seems to be working and play time is getting more and more exciting. Hope this helps.

    Lyndav71 [sign in to see picture]
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    What Sex Squid said -

    Also consider how experienced is your partner sexually? Some people are unable to fantasize about things they had no concept existed.

    ComeHereBabe [sign in to see picture]
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    sexcrazedbear [sign in to see picture]
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    By nurturing and giving confidence. It takes time and a willingness to share your own secrets.

    lace21 [sign in to see picture]
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    Me and my partner had this issue a few years ago as I was always shy, never opened up and was very let's say vanilla in the bedroom. To put it this way he was very sutile in the ways he asked me things. It started off with small things such as if there was a programme on about sexual things he would convienently put it on and then ask a question like ' would you be interested in using a toy' then ' have you used a sex toy'. It could then be few weeks before he would ask again and then he started adding in that he would like to try something and see if I responded. It did really help as it made me overcome issues I had and we really opened up. He did also try the texting route as well where he would be upstairs and me downstairs and we would have quiet good conversations this way!! Just be careful how you do approach this subject as some people just don't feel comfortable with talking about this, but I would say start off with a sutile question to see how the land lies and if it's a no don't push it. Good luck x

    glitterismyfavouritecolour [sign in to see picture]
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    i think mutiple choice questions are good for someone who is shy, they can pick a few things from a list. they might not have any ideas themselves but suggestions might help them realise or get them thinking.

    Some random guy [sign in to see picture]
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    Mojoupgrade can be a great way for both parties to discover shared fantasies. The fact that it only reveals things you're both into can be a comfort for someone who is shy about what their fantasies are.

    4Uonly [sign in to see picture]
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    Think the best remedy is to start sharing your fantasies first... and progress to a comfortable and trustworthy level.

    TB149 [sign in to see picture]
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    Mrs TB149 is also she to reveal anything or talk openly about sex. Some peaople are just like that. The texting thing works to an extent for us as she can open up more that way.

    Senator [sign in to see picture]
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    Nice bottle of wine?

    Thats what did it for me and Mrs Sen. Even married for 20 years, she had never asked me to spank her, go down on her or anything like that (I have always given her oral, but she has never asked for it, it just happens), it was all pretty much silent sex and unless I did anything that was painful, minimal feedback given.

    I tried the movie thing (50 shades) with comments about "that looks fun", but no response.

    It wasn't until after a drunken night sex session when she (and me) opened up about what we would like to try.

    That was about 3 months ago or so now and our sex has never been better, we talk afterwards about what worked well (or didn't) and I think the biggest obstacle to overcome is that it's ok for something not to work, or, it's ok for something to work really well (anal play falls into this category, she was anti-anal anything because of the stigma, but now it gives her some of her best orgasms).

    If there is no interest, then not much can be done, but if it's suppressed interest, then all that's needed is the right environment. What that environment is depends entirely on your relationship and where you both would feel most comfortable talking about sex.

    Quiet ones are worse! [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm generally shy and quiet, so its very hard to open up, there's all sorts I/they may want to say but are scared either of what the other partner might think/say, or what they might think of the suggestion/question? Even though we've been together 20 years its still very hard to ask or say things for me "just in case" its true I'm more bold after a glass of wine, you need to not judge your partner if she does ask some thing way off though, or react with disgust.

    If you've only been together a short while opening up to a "stranger" is even more hard, taken 20 years to ask my wife to let me do things with her or for her to say, fist me.

    If you're being a bit kinky just ask what she would desire etc tell her not to worry what it is you've had way dirtier thoughts trust me, try telling her one of yours even though it may slightly shock her as an example?

    BigInBerks [sign in to see picture]
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    Told my story a few times recently. Line some of the other posters it just all came out. I'm very shy, full of fantasies. Never asked the wife, and she likes to be sub in bed so she never made the moves .

    Life's never been better - LH a large part of that

    нинаnin [sign in to see picture]
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    As a shy person, I felt drawn to comment. Some fantasies feel better in my head, just something for me when I need them.

    Otherwise all I need is time. Time to feel trust, time to process what I'm feeling, time to vocalise what's in my head.

    I am a shy person that loves to write and I feel more confident with my writing than my voice. I suggest finding out what makes your partner feel strong and powerful - and try to incorporate that interest/skill into your communication.

    h12321 [sign in to see picture]
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    This sounds exactly like me, I found with a previous boyfriend he'd try and put me on the spot, and I always get awkward talking about anything. Casually bringing it up worked, but we probably talked the most about things just after sex when I seemed to find it easier to talk about what I liked and ideas for next time

    kitjos [sign in to see picture]
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    Really difficult in some cases. Been married 7 years and i still have no idea what gets my husband going.... he says 'watching me have pleasure' is enough but i think there could be more?? No idea. Saying that, spanking me has only happened in the last 4 months as i mentioned i enjoy it after drinking a bottle of wine, lol.

    Give it time and see how things go. Our bedroom activities are rather vanilla but adding small bits in (oral/spanking) can give it that bit more sparkle :) xx

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