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  1. Open relationship

    1506108074
    secret_scarlett [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 77
    • Joined: 30 Apr 2012

    Hiya,

    About 6 months ago I suggested an open relationship to my partner of 7 years. Before that we had been exclusive.

    My main reasons for the suggestion has been to benefit our relationship. That may sound odd to many. I mean in a way that we shouldn't take each other for granted. I have also always been tempted to be sexual with other people whilst in a relationship, but never acted on it. So my thinking was, if we took away the barriers and were able to enjoy our fantasies, that can only be great for us as a couple!

    So 6 months in and it's going really well, we are making more to e for each Other, our sex lives are better than ever and we are way more adventurous. I believe it is down to the open relationship. My close friends who know about this just don't understand it and think it's really strange. In their eyes they think we shouldn't want our partner to be having sex with someone else.

    I wanted to get your opinions out of curiosity?

    1506109322
    Phil42 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 504
    • Joined: 7 Sep 2015

    First, let me say i think its awesome you tried something (with a lot of risk attached) and it seems to be working.
    Its something that we've talked about. Not going as far as not being exclusive but perhaps swapping with friends and/or like minded couples.
    Certainly going to hedonism style getaways is one of my OH's fantasies.
    And i wont pretend it doesnt enthral me.
    That said we're just not sure that in the cold like of day the 'cheating' element might not rear its ugly head.

    I think it'll be a couple of glasses of wine and the right circumstance before anything occurs but your thoughts and info make me think perhaps we are being overly cautious.
    Congrats again. Xx

    1506109640
    Aims85 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 484
    • Joined: 14 Dec 2016

    I don't think anyone else has a right to judge, this is about you and your partner.

    If this is right for you and you're both happy with an open relationship then that's awesome.

    You said your relationship is benefiting from being open and are enjoying each other more so it's win win for you.. Sod what anyone else thinks it's not their life.

    You do you ❤

    1506110031
    Eager-2-Please [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 235
    • Joined: 3 Jul 2014

    I started thinking about this sort of thing a couple of years ago. I had a talk about a year ago with the wife, telling her that I'd had a bit of a revelation in my relationship philosophy - that as animals, I believe we are naturally polyamorous.

    Then it got me started doing some reading around online and I found a couple of books and some youtube videos about open marriages and open relationships, and I found a few references to social studies that were looking into the whole "nuclear family model", and whole man + woman + 2.4 children = ideal structure for human relations, etc... and how, in human history, it's a relatively new "normal" and may not actually be the most efficient, most sustainable or most successful model for human relationships.

    Basically, thanks to religion, there's a socially encoded expectation that we're taught growing up that there's "the One" out there for everyone, and you fall in love with one person, marry one person, have sex with one person, and that's it. Anything devient from that is sinful and wrong. Now I'm not saying monogamy is wrong, or doesn't work, or isn't the perfectly natural way for them to feel - for some people. But, it's a choice we make, it's nurture vs. nature, in my opinion.

    In short, I'm all for it and hope in the future it will be less taboo and less misunderstood in wider culture, like how homosexuality and transexuality and pansexuality and non-gendering and kink/BDSM ect has all gotten more socially acceptable.

    Again, not for everyone, I'm sure, but it's certainly something to consider as it can actually be very healthy and strengthening for couples and relationships. The big thing is ethics, though. It must be done ethically, otherwise it's no different to consent violation/cheating, which is obviously a very different thing, but the two are often conflated, unfortunately.

    1506115056
    ComeHereBabe [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 16
    • Joined: 4 Jun 2014

    We're in an open relationship for a long time and it works for us. Open relationship encourages communication, honesty and trust. But I don't expect everyone else to get it, few people do.

    I also think women get an unfair advantage in open relationships because finding a partner (either casual or long-term) is easier for a married woman than it is for a married man. So it's an easier decision for ladies, and arguably more fun too.

    1506116204
    4Uonly [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 666
    • Joined: 11 Nov 2016

    Who am I to judge... the thought of it arouses me. Think it's awesome!... but can't with the Asian's culture. So many cheated behind their spouse.

    1506116462
    Jacko112 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 50
    • Joined: 6 Mar 2013

    Hey whatever works for you, it’s your life live how you want to and not by others. Hope it works out for you both

    1506120720
    Vixenchel [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 259
    • Joined: 6 Oct 2011

    Proves to work for many couples

    I have friends in open relationships and have met many others and its worked for them cos the communication is there and the honesty is there a lot more and often brings you closer. It is possible to separate your relationships with people by who your sexual with and who your emotionally and romantically linked with . :) :) I'm currently single but will only have sex with one man who knows if opportunity happens I would sleep with another woman and I have got involved with the bdsm community and started to explore more which I can do with various people and it makes me happy but there's no sex in any scenes I do etc. Everyone is different if you both happy then that's what matters.

    1506153218
    J&K2016 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 74
    • Joined: 10 Mar 2016

    I have previously been in an open relationship with an ex partner and it worked very well for both our benefits. My current relationship I don’t want one and neither does my other half and we are both happy with that.

    Good luck to you both and long may your relationship flourish

    1506156005
    Foxiiuk [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 72
    • Joined: 21 Jan 2017

    People who judge are generally afraid of what they don't understand. As a society Anything but monogamy is considered taboo and "strange". Don't let others bother you , I'd feel a bit sorry for them to be honest. Do whatever works for you and your relationship, you're not hurting anybody. Not in an open relationship (I'm far too possessive),or know any one who is btw, but I admire those who can make it work!

    1506166128
    secret_scarlett [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 77
    • Joined: 30 Apr 2012

    Thanks for the replies everyone.

    We make sure it is ethical and doesn't hurt anyone else. Before anything would happen we always make the other person aware of our situation so noone is mislead. We also ensure we are practising safe sex to minimise any risks.

    We try to look after each other aswell by having a few 'ground rules'... for example, no mutual friends, making sure we make time for each other before we would even consider meeting up with someone else, not in our own house etc.

    I'm really glad so many of you have either experienced similar yourself or atleast are understanding of how it can be beneficial. The main hurdle with my friends who know is the idea of 'cheating'. No matter how much I explain it they still think it's cheating which on turn means they think we are about to break up / our relationship needs work.

    1506171933
    Sir Psycho Sexy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 77
    • Joined: 16 Dec 2010

    It is something I have spoke about with my OH, while it's good in theory, it's totally different in practice. I'm not a very sociable person, so it would be difficult for me to go out and "explore" whereas my OH would have no problem. As already mentioned it's much easier for a female.

    1506173421
    Jr251271 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 109
    • Joined: 10 Apr 2016

    secret_scarlett wrote:

    Hiya,

    About 6 months ago I suggested an open relationship to my partner of 7 years. Before that we had been exclusive.

    My main reasons for the suggestion has been to benefit our relationship. That may sound odd to many. I mean in a way that we shouldn't take each other for granted. I have also always been tempted to be sexual with other people whilst in a relationship, but never acted on it. So my thinking was, if we took away the barriers and were able to enjoy our fantasies, that can only be great for us as a couple!

    So 6 months in and it's going really well, we are making more to e for each Other, our sex lives are better than ever and we are way more adventurous. I believe it is down to the open relationship. My close friends who know about this just don't understand it and think it's really strange. In their eyes they think we shouldn't want our partner to be having sex with someone else.

    I wanted to get your opinions out of curiosity?

    I think its brilliant, well done you, i'd love the thought of having sex with another, playing out fantasies, bet it makes your sex life better with your partner. Have you both had sex with others at the same time/location?

    1506175369
    Vixenchel [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 259
    • Joined: 6 Oct 2011

    I guess to the people who say its cheating all you can tell them is to your relationship the rules are different its not cheating. You openly discuss other people and its only cheating if you don't know about it etc. They just don't understand as they haven't tried it or been around it to understand . some of the best relationships I know of are good because they have made it open or joined swingers whether they tried it and didn't do it again or stayed in an open relationship it strengthened their own bond. If they refuse to understand nothn you can do butbjust prove your love is still strong etc. :)

    1506175606
    secret_scarlett [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 77
    • Joined: 30 Apr 2012

    Jr251271 wrote:

    secret_scarlett wrote:

    Hiya,

    About 6 months ago I suggested an open relationship to my partner of 7 years. Before that we had been exclusive.

    My main reasons for the suggestion has been to benefit our relationship. That may sound odd to many. I mean in a way that we shouldn't take each other for granted. I have also always been tempted to be sexual with other people whilst in a relationship, but never acted on it. So my thinking was, if we took away the barriers and were able to enjoy our fantasies, that can only be great for us as a couple!

    So 6 months in and it's going really well, we are making more to e for each Other, our sex lives are better than ever and we are way more adventurous. I believe it is down to the open relationship. My close friends who know about this just don't understand it and think it's really strange. In their eyes they think we shouldn't want our partner to be having sex with someone else.

    I wanted to get your opinions out of curiosity?

    I think its brilliant, well done you, i'd love the thought of having sex with another, playing out fantasies, bet it makes your sex life better with your partner. Have you both had sex with others at the same time/location?

    It has definitely improved our relationship and although there is a twinge of jealousy here and there when we talk about our experiences with others, we use it positively rather than negatively. We have both been with others since we agreed on the open relationship but not at the same time / location. We do it in our spare time but I enjoy hearing about his experiences and knowing what he liked / what was different and using that information to incorporate it into our sex lives together
    1506178251
    naughty stacey [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 205
    • Joined: 28 Aug 2012

    We have agreed that poly and however else people structure their relationship is totally cool, however I am not interested in sharing. I think he was probing to check my interest.

    Was there an event that initialised the idea, or did one of you broach the subject? Any difficulties in the early conversations about this?

    1506181662
    Eager-2-Please [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 235
    • Joined: 3 Jul 2014

    secret_scarlett wrote:

    The main hurdle with my friends who know is the idea of 'cheating'. No matter how much I explain it they still think it's cheating which on turn means they think we are about to break up / our relationship needs work.

    By it's very definition cheating is done without consent, usually behind their back. If two (or more) people are openly consenting to their partner(s) sleeping with others then it's literally the opposite of cheating. These definitions are literal, concrete. There's no disputing it.

    However, the misconception that all non-monogamy is cheating is often joined by the one that people in open relationships cannot cheat. This is false. Anything done with anyone that's behind the other person(s) back is still against their consent and still, therefore, cheating.

    1506185656
    naughty stacey [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 205
    • Joined: 28 Aug 2012

    Agreed, cheating means breaking the rules. Every relationship has it's own rules.

    1506186130
    Scoob [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 406
    • Joined: 16 Feb 2015

    Just out of curiosity, is this a sexual thing where you craved more/better sex and if so how is it working out? Or is it more about trying something different? How are others compared to your partner?
    Congrats on having a very strong relationship and hopefully it continues to work out well for you both!

    1506190253
    Jr251271 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 109
    • Joined: 10 Apr 2016

    secret_scarlett wrote:

    Jr251271 wrote:

    secret_scarlett wrote:

    Hiya,

    About 6 months ago I suggested an open relationship to my partner of 7 years. Before that we had been exclusive.

    My main reasons for the suggestion has been to benefit our relationship. That may sound odd to many. I mean in a way that we shouldn't take each other for granted. I have also always been tempted to be sexual with other people whilst in a relationship, but never acted on it. So my thinking was, if we took away the barriers and were able to enjoy our fantasies, that can only be great for us as a couple!

    So 6 months in and it's going really well, we are making more to e for each Other, our sex lives are better than ever and we are way more adventurous. I believe it is down to the open relationship. My close friends who know about this just don't understand it and think it's really strange. In their eyes they think we shouldn't want our partner to be having sex with someone else.

    I wanted to get your opinions out of curiosity?

    I think its brilliant, well done you, i'd love the thought of having sex with another, playing out fantasies, bet it makes your sex life better with your partner. Have you both had sex with others at the same time/location?

    It has definitely improved our relationship and although there is a twinge of jealousy here and there when we talk about our experiences with others, we use it positively rather than negatively. We have both been with others since we agreed on the open relationship but not at the same time / location. We do it in our spare time but I enjoy hearing about his experiences and knowing what he liked / what was different and using that information to incorporate it into our sex lives together

    Sounds very positive, have you had any fantasies fullfilled?

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