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  1. Exploring BDSM

    1505854267
    ToGildALily [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 138
    • Joined: 24 May 2016

    Okay another few questions from me! My fwb and I were chatting more about what we'd like to do and a lot came out from that, mainly that we'd like to explore BDSM at some point. We talked about what our limits are, that we trust and respect each other, consent, aftercare and of course safety. We established a few things and it was really liberating to not only talk about it with somebody who is as open-minded as me but to appreciate the depths that we trust each other. We have had a bit of an explore into the usual tying up, blindfolding and some light pain play with spanking, floggers and scratching or light biting.

    One thing that came out is that he isn't afraid of pain and even would like me to leave marks or scars from some play. He assured me he is certain and trusts me. So while on one hand I totally get his trust and I'm comfortable with his request, I just want a bit of reassurance that it's nothing to be worried about that he's expressed that desire. I guess since he may be just as worried at me saying I'm happy to essentially hand over control to him over me in a slave scenario for a whole 24 hours as he's entirely responsible for me.

    I think I'm working through a bit of nervousness really so a bit of advice from more experienced folks would be appreciated especially if anybody has had similar nerves.

    1505859759
    Browncoats [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1151
    • Joined: 5 Dec 2016

    I'm not sure I can really advise you about how you are feeling but I have to say me and hubby love a bit of bdsm and that includes pain play. Pain heightens pleasure. There is a very fine line between them.

    If you are not comfortable with it but open to trying then start slowly. Take your time and explore both of your desires. Just remember that you also don't have to do something that you're not comfortable with.

    1505879836
    Lovehoney - Paige [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1183
    • Joined: 28 Mar 2014

    I think maybe the whole 'slave for 24 hours' scenario would be too much in the deep end to start off with by what you are saying, especially since you are after some reassurance on the whole situation.

    If you fully trust your partner and you're comfortable wtih his request that is fantastic, but remember its fine steps too. Maybe just incorporating this into regular sex would be a good idea before. You should test the waters, see how you both feel when you have done it for a little bit. Just remember things like real life too.. where is he allowed to leave marks? Make sure you set boundaries :)

    Good luck

    1505889496
    ToGildALily [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 138
    • Joined: 24 May 2016

    Thanks, yeah it's an ongoing conversation and we talked about introducing things in stages and making sure we're comfortable before progressing further rather than jumping right in at the deep end. Yes reality is something we know we have to keep in mind when it comes to whatever we may do, definitely worth talking about more. We certainly aren't people who don't like to talk about sex so communication is not a problem and we do give time to think things over and go back to them later to see how we feel later.

    1506180274
    Vixenchel [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 231
    • Joined: 6 Oct 2011

    Hello how deep into bdsm are you is it just a bedroom thing. Are you kinksters? Do you have a contract? Are you in a Dom sub relationship and collared.do you involve other people or is it purely between the two of you ? Also I'm a huge sado masochist so for a pain lover I'd say you deffo need a safe word if you haven't already got one :)

    I'd like to advise more but would need to know just a little more also are you interested in meeting the bdsm community online or in person? Have you heard of fetlife ? I attended my first fet night recently was a play event about 30 people there I'm a switch so I got spanked and finally found my pain limit for spanks I bruised for weeks I still have some bruises from It then I later did another scene with another bloke where I dominated him and spanked him. There's so much to try.

    I really enjoy sensory play like you have mentioned with the blindfolds things like that heighten diff senses and if u enjoy blindfolds maybe worth looking further down and exploring further into sensory play it can be thrilling and fun or you can make it so it keeps you on edge almost scared. Good luck. !!

    Keeo your boundaries firm and both know eacothers limits. have a safeword that is a MUST especially if one of you likes pain or to be humiliated etc. Be 100% honest with what you like don't like n want to try.

    1506188809
    ToGildALily [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    Vixenchel it's bedroom only and totally between us only. Yup a safeword was one of the first things I mentioned but knowing the traffic lights might be a useful thing to use.

    It is definitely an ongoing conversation we're having before anything happens so everything is established, thought about and happy with so think a summing up of it all will be a verbal agreement. It's just easier I think to remember the things we have or may say no to we haven't talked about yet as much of what we've talked about has been yes!

    1506197761
    sexcrazedbear [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 280
    • Joined: 17 May 2016

    The key thing is negotiating a shared landscape of pleasure/pain. My OH and me spent about six months e-mailing each other (that may sound weird as we live together but you think more when writing than when speaking) to establish a shared list of dos and don'ts. I am willing to accept WAY more pain than she is willing to inflict and would go in for more degradation etc. It was important to be fully open and honest in advance. We then rented a really good professional dungeon for a w/e and had a completely mind-blowing time.

    1506253965
    ToGildALily [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    No that's not weird and if anything that's great because as you say it gives time to think about it. I am finding that because of distance, our work and also that we're so similar that communication is so much stronger because it has to be.

    1506257650
    Vixenchel [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 6 Oct 2011

    ToGildALily wrote:

    Vixenchel it's bedroom only and totally between us only. Yup a safeword was one of the first things I mentioned but knowing the traffic lights might be a useful thing to use.

    It is definitely an ongoing conversation we're having before anything happens so everything is established, thought about and happy with so think a summing up of it all will be a verbal agreement. It's just easier I think to remember the things we have or may say no to we haven't talked about yet as much of what we've talked about has been yes!

    Using the colours of traffic lights is a really good one to use for other of you.

    Yes verbal agreement is good between you both. :) The 24\7 slave scenario will be a fulltime power exchange for that time unless you stop with safe word I'm assuming, will be great if you stay home to do It for a first time test the waters and in the future maybe even do it longer or maybe play with it and go do normal every day tasks in public it will give you a thrill especially if noone else knows what your doing , even shopping he asks you to collect a few certain things you go back and buy them together noons else knows the thrill of what your doing with a normal every thing can make it fun.

    Also sorry if you already thought of this by the way :)

    Its a big thing on both your parts your partner would be in control for a whole 24 hours ! Long time to stay in character it will be a lot to plan out for him too, he will have to forward think everything you are both to do and maybe are you go If you leave home, will have to think of punishments and rewards to given out, very command, there's a lot of possible scenarios he will have to think about and have a plan in place for invade it happens or doesn't happen. So if its agreed upon maybe agree for It to happen a few days after you agree so everything can be planned out smoothy :)

    The nerves is very natural and normal but if you fully trust your partner which you do I find mentally preparing helps. Say to your self "it will be great, he knows my limits and we have a safe word if I need to use it! " once your both in character it will flow naturally. Hope the helps a little. Have a great 24 hours when you do it. The happy chemicals and hormones and adrenaline will fill you both with a great rush and feeling so in case of any sub\top drop possibility have an aftercare plan too . :) not everyone suffers a drop some people don't for a lon time and some have it after every session. My last drop was about 2\3 days after me doing 3 spanking sessions over space of 2 days. Day 1 I received spanks. Day 2 I received spanks off an experienced Dom who finally found my pain limits then as I'm a switch I gave spanks out to another sub and then 2\3 days later I hit one of my biggest drops yet . I know how to care for myself and what I need after so just in case have a plan there. I didn't think I would drop from those sessions but I did because I reached new limits the adrenaline was strong and when it left I really sank for hours at first it was hard.

    Xxxx

    1506326799
    ToGildALily [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    No it's good to point out things I may have thought about already as it confirms my thoughts or I might miss out small details. You are right about starting such things in home first and a whole day isn't something I'd do right away as we both talked about starting off on just an evening and we want to experience being sub and dom, not in the one scenario though! He just asked one day if he were to be my sex slave for a night, what I'd do with him/to him and I asked him the same for me and it went on there.

    I did mention aftercare right after to him and as we do plenty that is sensual and gentler, it will be good to bring those in to help. We both love massage so getting the oil out and pay attention to each other will be a good way to wind down. Just because of that it will be a while before anything goes to a whole day as not every time we have sex is going to involve such play. I'd miss the sensual side to it and I'm sure he would too! We just want to explore many sides to sex and each other really!

    1506443871
    Vixenchel [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 231
    • Joined: 6 Oct 2011

    Sounds great. I hope it goes well for you both.

    I have often found over the years of reading erotic stories I often get ideas from these stories and adapt and change and bring to real life. Scenes to play out and things to try even outfit ideas haha.

    :) xx

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