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  1. advice about anal play/sex

    1502566403
    Bigheart [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 30 Nov 2015

    Just looking for some advice/tips on anal play/sex. Me and my boyfriend have tried a few times to do anal play/sex, we managed anal sex once it was pretty good. but I find using toys uncomfortable and I get anxious about doing it. We've got some toys but I find one of them to be uncomfortable when used. Is there any toys that are good for beginners? And any tips for making it more enjoyable and less anxious.

    1502567517
    Mr-Mrs-Sexy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 499
    • Joined: 12 Aug 2010

    Well I think the key word there is anxious, make sure you're emjoying it and in the mood first off. LH do a 'itty bitty' plug thats very small and cute also lube is a 100% must so make sure you get yourself over to the lube section and have a browse, we use KY Jelly but there are lots to choose from, unfortunately i cant say what to buy as we arent huge anal play fans but just go off the reviews etc and what looks good!

    Have fun ;)

    1502571070
    *sexybabe* [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 873
    • Joined: 14 Aug 2012

    I like anal play although I'm still working my way up to having anal sex. I started with this one, incredibly soft silicone and feels delightful! Although it's smaller than my others, I do still occasionally use it.

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=33939

    Good luck!

    1502571434
    Bigheart [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 30 Nov 2015

    Thank yous! I'm working on the being anxious part but it gets the better of me!!!, I will have a look at some more toys and try and find something I might like.

    1502571699
    NaughtyNerd [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1127
    • Joined: 16 Aug 2016

    Big heart, what is it about it that makes you feel anxious/uncomfortable?

    I was apprehensive initially but now love anal sex. Often wanting it more than PiV sex. The resulting ass orgasms are amazing

    1502572455
    Bigheart [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 30 Nov 2015

    I'm not just anxious and uncomfortable about anal sex i get anxious and feel uncomfortable when me and my boyfriend have PiV sex I'm just not a very confident person which puts a downer on everything when it comes to being intimate.

    1502572936
    NaughtyNerd [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1127
    • Joined: 16 Aug 2016

    If you masturbate id really recommend getting a small narrow butt plug and some lube so use them whilst you play. It'd help you get used to the sensation.

    It is also worth while getting a douche so you feel nice and clean.

    1502573273
    Bigheart [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 30 Nov 2015

    Thank you for your advice I will try it out and see if it helps.

    1502708163
    Mr S [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 21
    • Joined: 29 Jun 2009

    Anal play can be most excellent ..... BUT ..... you she never feel you have to do it.

    Also, when you think you have enough lube on ...... get your guy to put lots more on, and make it part of the fun ...... in fact you dont need to take it any further as having a finger/fingers stimulating your well lubed hole can be really nice .... and if his tongue happens to find its way down to your clitoris as the same time ..... happy days for you

    1502709763
    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 722
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2005

    Anal play really requires a lot of communication and being anxious will make it slightly uncomfy so I would first work out the things that make you feel that way. Once they are all out the way it may be worth also getting a douche which if used an hour before will make everything a lot more comfy as it gives you a clean out and makes sure there's room for all sorts.
    I would defiantly recommend the itty bitty plug (https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=16479) as this will ease you into it all.

    Just take small steps into anal, it's not something you can dive into and I know it can be frustrating when things don't happen straight away but try a few little toys until you feel 100% confident and then try some different positions which will make everything a lot easier. Doggy style is possibly the most comfortable and also laying flat on your stomach, we have found if you lay on your back in missionary position it can be pretty difficult to handle anal sex and toys.

    Be safe, have fun and remember to use plenty of lube! and if things hurt then stop and make sure your partner knows your limits.

    1502713282
    SquirtyPanda [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1734
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2015

    Hi there

    First and foremost I recommend an anal douche. An anal douche cleanses your colon before any anal play. This helps to keep things hygenic and helps to prevent any poo mishaps. When it comes to anal play, a peace of mind is priceless.

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex/buyers-guide/how-to-use-an-anal-douche/

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/anal-sex-toys/douches-enemas/

    Knowing you're clean and good to go down there should hopefully help with the anxiety about anal play.

    Secondly you need appropriate lubricant for anal play. I recommend this https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35809

    Thirdly on to toys for beginners, silicone is the best material. Vaginal or anal.

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/anal-sex-toys/all/all/all/all/silicone/all/

    The above link shows all of the silicone anal toys, there is a vast range of beginner toys, good luck!

    🐼

    1502713866
    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 722
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2005

    what panda says above is pretty much everything you need to know. Anal douching is vital for hygiene and be generous with the lubricant

    1502718535
    Sparky 1 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 155
    • Joined: 7 Nov 2015

    When mastered anal sex can be mind blowing for you both wether receiving or giving, taking your time is vital, I'd start using fingers only then start to build the size of the toys you use gradually, as others have said an anal douche is a good thing to use as cleansing is a great way to give peace of mind. Always use plenary of lube and then some more, take your time there's no rush if you rush it will only be painful and will probably put you off trying again,as everyone has said time and patience is imperative once mastered you won't look back,hope all goes well for you both and have fun

    1502721178
    GinaGee74 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 105
    • Joined: 22 Jul 2017

    As so many have said, patience and starting small and building up in size is SO important and essential. My OH only ever used a finger in me for years. It took buying a big couples box of toys from here a few months ago, which included anal toys, for us to seriously begin exploring further. I went from small slimline beginner butt plug to beginners anal beads, then an anal probe and have now ordered a medium size butt plug. I can;t wait to have full on (or in) anal sex but I also want to enjoy it fully.

    One thing that may help you get used to the feeling of toys, and enjoy them more, is to keep them in when you have vaginal sex or play. The double penetration feeling is such a turn on. My OH was amazed by the difference he felt inside me just using his fingers when I had the anal beads fully inserted.

    1502741252
    BigEmma [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 53
    • Joined: 6 Jan 2015

    Hi.... we have just started to enjoy anal play/sex.

    I really like the feel of it and it gives me a buzz when I no how much it turns on my OH.

    At first we experimented with some lube and just inserted a finger or two. Find a lube you like so you have confiendence with that.

    We then bought this training kit...

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=3539

    Its worked great for us, started with number one for 1 for a little while then started with number 2. We swap between the two and I really enjoy using it combined with foreplay/sex. It might be a good idea for you to enjoy a bit of play/sex at the same time as using a toy to get the amazing feeling it gives you....ive not yet tried number 3!...xx

    1502746103
    Davy Brown [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 59
    • Joined: 21 Jul 2016

    Talking about what you want and what worries you is the key certainly works for us.
    Don't rush or you will not enjoy the outcome. Take your time during and use a good quality lube.
    But plugs are great fun during and after sex and can be worn out and about is secret which can be a big turn on from my experience.
    Good luck and enjoy!

    1502769070
    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2609
    • Joined: 11 Apr 2016

    Oh anxiety is an amazing thing, you realise your anxious which makes it even worse! I suffer from anxiety a lot in almost every situation. I find concentrating on my breathing helps me relax. Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth.

    As for toys, if it's only one that is uncomfortable don't use it. There are toys that some people just don't get on with, thankfully Lovehoney offer a guarantee so you can swap it for something else. Start with a small plug or probe, even a finger and work your way up.

    Use plenty of lube, there are special anal lubes that have a cushioning effect. What I have learned through Lovehoney and practice is if you think you have enough lube add more. The more you use the more comfortable it is.

    1502801551
    Paul Mycock [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 40
    • Joined: 8 Dec 2014

    Note with lube, with water based, keep replacing it regularly as it's used.

    1502896451
    Bigheart [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 30 Nov 2015

    Sorry for such a late reply anxiety is a bitch. Thanks for all of the advice and tips. I'm going to have a look for some toys that I think will help and would like to try.
    And work on the anxiety part!.

    1502898854
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1727
    • Joined: 27 Feb 2010

    I like glass dildos, they may be hard, but they are very very slippery when lubed up . As the anus is all soft tissue and these are not very large i don't think the hardness will be an issue. The ease with which they slip in is a big plus; I understand the hardness can take a little getting used to if used vaginally, because of the pubic bone.

    They are very easy to disinfect, being literally like pirex glass. The first one has a circumference of 4 inch, the second one is the same in the main shaft, but the handle end is 5.5 inch, as you can turn it round and use it from this end it can be used latter if you get comfortable and want to move up. Though I wouldn't go straight from 4 to 5.5 in one jump, get something in between first.

    I put them both up as they are in a 2 for £30 deal ATM, so only £5 more for the second one. The multiple bump structure of the 2nd toy i find extreamly satisfiying.

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32885

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30946

    As for the sexual anxiety thats not easy to offer help with , as it's a state of your mind; and as such will have many branches to it that are very specific to you.

    What I can say is try writing down anything that you feel is contributing to this feeling, no matter who odd you may feel it is. Then try to rationalise each one, and write down why you feel it should not be a problem; not an easy thing to do I know. But when you see it down on paper it can be totally different than just thinking about it; as when you are thinking it through, all the things in your head will seem like a ball of notted string that is impossble to untangle. On paper it's so much easier to see the reality of it all, in bit sized chunks, one piece at a time.

    I think solo play is a good way to work on things; when you trully know your own body, it's so much easier to explain things to a partner.

    relax, and give yourself permision to enjoy sex. I wish you good luck finding yourself in this.

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