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  1. Dom tips/guide

    Tholuc [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 35
    • Joined: 25 Apr 2016

    Just wondering what's everyone's best tips for being Dom in the bedroom, we have a lot of equipment but I'm not sure what to say/do

    Lovehoney - Leanne [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2698
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2014

    Hi There 

    We have some past threads that may help you get the conversation started and how to begin: 



    I will say though that before you consider this journey please be aware communication is key. You need to have thought out safe words and hard limits. 

    Our bondage expert Jess Wilde has a great Youtube channel #BondageGoneWilde. She talks BDSM and safe words

    I am sure many other members will be able to offer some fantastic advice to you too. 

    Shouganai [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 268
    • Joined: 17 Jul 2016

    It all depends on the person: my partner finds being dominant easier if he can talk dirty and be rough with me, however I find it easier to be dominant if I can tie him down and be stoic and silent while teasing him. Your dominant side is still you, just with a bit more oomph ! (Of course, discuss everything before a scene to make sure you're both consenting and have safe words/signals and stuff). x

    Glaswegian82 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 280
    • Joined: 10 Apr 2017

    Lovehoney - Leanne wrote:

    I will say though that before you consider this journey please be aware communication is key. You need to have thought out safe words and hard limits.

    This. Absolutely this. It is absolutely vital that both parties know where they stand in all respects. I'm a switch, so have been in both dom and sub roles many times, and know from bitter experience that if you don't communicate properly before (and sometimes during, depending on how you're playing), someone is going to end up hurt, offended or broken. Never good, to say the least.

    Also, never do anything that you're not 100% comfortable with*. If you're not totally in to what you're doing/having done to you, you won't be relaxed, and it won't work properly for you both.

    Good luck, and have fun!

    *with the caveat that doing something outside your comfort zone is sometimes part of the play, and that's another area where communicaiton and understanding is vital.

    kelly_michelle [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 148
    • Joined: 15 Apr 2008

    As others have said communication is key. Make sure you use safe words/signals (Jess' video on it on YouTube is fab, check it out)

    But some general pointers:

    Blindfolds are good because the sub not knowing what is going to happen builds anticipation for them and it gives you some breathing room so if you freeze up, they won't know.

    Skin to skin contact shouldn't be underestimated. Just putting a hand on your sub can be very effective. Light finger tip touches, small kisses, even blowing on the skin.

    Take it slow - don't rush through using everything in your toy box. Using an impact toy? Leave it against the skin for a few seconds after the hit. As above, run your hands/finger tips over your sub every few hits

    Music - the right music can give you a good rhythm to spank to and can help get you both in a good space

    Numbers - make the sub count the spanks, have your toys in a line and make the sub give you number, count along the line and use that toy next

    Cuffs and collar - use cuffs and a collar. You don't necessarily need to use them in play but the act of putting them on your sub and them being on can bring about a very subby headspace.

    Outfits - following on from above, have a Dom outfit. Doesn't have to be leather and latex (although go for it if that's your thing). Could be something as simple as a plain t shirt you don't really wear. It could be a particular tie or a scarf. Something that when you put it on and when your sub sees it, that it is playtime.

    Make sure you communicate a day or so afterwards. Straight after you'll both be caught up in the emotions/chemicals in your system so let them fade and have a chat. What worked, what didn't, what was the best bit, what was the worst bit, did something go on for too long or not long enough?

    It is hard to walk into the bedroom and be a perfect Dom. But with practice and communication, you will get there. Experiment and enjoy!

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