Planned or Spontaneous?

Hey there everyone!

I have a 2-part question for you all.

When in a relationship / having sex with a regular partner, do you usually: 

- plan sex (eg: "tonight, let's watch a movie, have dinner and then do the mattress mambo")?

or

-  have spontaneous sex (eg: one of you makes a move/subtle-to-not-so-subtle leg touching/groping/THE look)?

AND

Which do you prefer?

Does planning/mentioning it earlier in the day get you excited or kind of spoil it for you? 

I'd say it's spontaneous most of the time, but we occasionally plan it if we know we don't have much time together (long-distance problems!)

I prefer spontaneous - if it's planned and then I don't feel in the mood when the time comes I get frustrated with myself for not being able to follow through. Planned sex to me has often felt like I'm just going through the motions rather than enjoying myself, so having sex when the mood strikes suits me better.

Usually spontaneous sex but I enjoy the build up and anticipation of planning it - choosing lingerie to wear, planning to massage your partner with some oils beforehand etc.

We have been together 15 years and married 12 years now ! And we both find that if we plan a night it always ends in disaster, even if we just plan a night out ! 😕 So we both love the spontaneous of it ! Much more fun 😁 And yes if it is Planned it will kind of spoil it

I prefer spontaneous sex, as it's often more exciting in the moment, and it is usually the way it happens for my partner and I. However, planning it does have its merrits also. It's fun to anticipate something you know is going to happen later. It also gives you time to prepare, e.g. wash, shave, wear nice underwear etc. In our case, planning certainly doesn't spoil it for us, but I do find that spontaneous trysts tend to work better with our schedules, sex drives, etc.

I love both.
Each has its place but my preference would be spontaneous or individually devising some position / activity / role play and taking charge.
Think routine can cause predictability and complacency.
One night in the week is normally quickie night or just cuddles and weekends longer but we know it will happen. That's because I don't see him every day. 😕 However personally I love the teasing of sexting, hinting ,the build up . Sadly my O.H. really not into it 😔 I'm working on it. Gently, Gently catch the monkey!
This weekend as I know we will be at it .I've ordered some new lingerie. Hopefully it will meet his approval and not be on long.

Spontaneous mostly for us

I prefer Spontaneous, but with children planned is required

We usually go spontaneous rather than planned, I think it makes it more fun. If I have a day off I might send him a text saying what I'm going to do to him later and get myself dressed up for when he comes home. He loves it when I do that and I love the thought that I'm all he's thinking about during the day. It builds the anticipation and makes it more exciting.

That's probably the extent of planning we do though, we wouldn't plan it too far in advance as we prefer to see how the mood takes us.

Thanks guys - this is really interesting. 

NatandTom - That is EXACTLY how I feel. Wasn't sure if I was the only one! 

In the past when the children was here it was all planed unless we knew they was not be back, but now its more spontanious.

Ours is mostly planned, busy household and busy lives limits opportunities for spontaneous sex, although my OH did initiate once 3/4 of the way through out gym workout at home, even with the kids in the house, that was doubly fun.

I think you can plan to have sex, but leave the actual acts themselves spontaneous (eg adding in a bit of anal play, positioning, tie and tease etc), mix up the types of sex even if the timing is predictable.

I dont know what's in the water at the moment but we're having to plan when to have a night off!

I prefer being spontanious. Planning so often leads to disappointment, I prefer a natural fluidity where you might just end up with a snuggle or full on spanking session.

Wight*goddess wrote:

I dont know what's in the water at the moment but we're having to plan when to have a night off!

I prefer being spontanious. Planning so often leads to disappointment, I prefer a natural fluidity where you might just end up with a snuggle or full on spanking session.

Yes! I'm so with you on this. 

When I plan I get too much in my head for the most part, sucking any enjoyment from the moment. Spontaneous FTW

Spontaneous tends to be the thing with us these days .Even in Roleplays as we have now done that many its easy to sponateously redo one. For this the mood is dictated with whatever costume she decides to come down with .

I still think there is a place for planned sessions especially if your getting your sex life back on track , perhaps with a bit of teasing beforehand

Interesting debate .

Spontaneous
I prefer it that way deffinately

Prefer spontaneous.

Planned has its place though. Not down to 'right this day we're gonna have sex.' More like.. just send an unexpected teasing text or naughty picture during the day so to know what's coming that night. Sometimes the buildup is as much.

I love spontaneous sex... Always prefer that over planned but with two smalls sometimes It's planned like and that's also very fun talking about what we will get up to and what toys we will take if we have a night away etc.

He also works away at lot so we plan our steamy nights in 😀 and I usually send him pics of me trying on outfits and using toys...gotta test the goods right 😂 he loves it ❤

LR2017 wrote:

I prefer Spontaneous, but with children planned is required

True for us as well. With kids and busy schedule it does not happen without planning.